So, for one time, out of the year, it bothers you that she just wants to celebrate something that is important to her? Does she do things for you? That you like?
I mean, it’s more than just being a Christian. Christmas to me is a wonderful time, with family and friends (although this year my racist relatives nearly ruined it-well, Xmas day, not Xmas altogether!) . It’s about good food, and warmth and love.
Seriously, why does that bother you, that she wants to do something special?
I consider myself a moderately liberal Christian (I can explain if anyone wants me to), and I dated a non-Christian pretty seriously when I was 18-19. “Seriously” meaning I loved him well enough to marry him – except that our relationship had some issues, one of which was that he was not a Christian.
It does sound like your girlfriend is probably going through a transition in her faith, and that the “end” of that transition may be a few years off. Because neither of you knows where this transition may take her, it would be unwise for her to make big life decisions – such as marriage or children – at this point. This doesn’t mean you should break up; it just means don’t get engaged or married or anything like that. Ultimately, she will have to make the decision herself: can she live the rest of her life bound to someone who does not share her core values? (I say that she will have to make that decision because she may be battling over two loves: love of Christ/faith and love of you. ) Also, in most churches, marrying a non-Christian is strongly discouraged. She probably has that pressure coming at her, too.
So if you love her more than anything, stay with her (as long as the relationship is good), and keep your mouth shut – don’t talk her out of anything else! Let her find her belief path and make life decisions based on her beliefs, not yours. When she tells you about a new idea she’s had regarding her faith, don’t shoot it down right away, or tell her about your different/opposite belief. Let her figure it out for herself. Encourage her to explore and read and talk with learned people. Maybe you should do so, as well – maybe even with her. And don’t rush into anything! You’re only 18 – who knows how your lives and beliefs will change in the next few years? Live life first!
but heres my 2 cents
First, yes, youre too young to marry now anyhoo.
Second, most christians want to marry other christians(any denom).
I mean, if she believes you must be saved to get to heaven, how does she feel about spending her life with you, knowing you may not join her for eternal bliss?
Will you ever go to church with her?
I wish you guys the best, whatever happens.
And try gettin her on here, maybe we’ll loosen her up!
I am apparently a fundamentalist christian, believing in 6 days of creation and all, but I am liberal inevery other way, a yippie, and Green party emember. Politics and religion are completely separate things in my view.
Excuse me, but we have entirely too many psychotic, overdramatic, holier than thou Christians in Tennessee already. Can’t she go someplace else?
Chekmate you will always be second to Jesus, the sexless, ball-less, non-threatening ghost. Second she will always think to herself that you will “be saved” and convert. Those fuckers are persistent. The fact that she “taught” that stuff shows you she is about spreading it.
Electro, you might want to work on those hostility issues.
As for the OP, the best thing I can suggest is brutal honesty with each other when it comes to religion. There’s no point in ducking around each other about it, and if you can learn to disagree with each other’s opinions peacefully then you’ll be better off for it.
Good point. If it was “important” for someone to jump off of a bridge, of course most of us would try to talk them out of it. In the case of Bible School, there didn’t seem to be anything destructive about it. It appeared unseemly for an atheist to be talking a Christian person “out of” a Christian activity.
Chekmate claims it was because she was “pressured” by her parents in the first place. Which does seem to be a more reasonable motivation to try to “talk her out of it”. However, an atheist talking a Christian out of a Christian activity still has a bit of a smell to it. (And of course still would if the roles were reversed.)
True, but that isn’t the point. My sister’s weakness does not excuse what her then boyfriend did. Instead of being enthusiastic and happy about her talent, he aggressively went on a campaign to convince her to give it up. He had two choices: encourage, or discourage. He chose discourage. That says something about him.
Wow, something about dating that I actually know about!
My ex-girlfriend and now best friend is a born-again Christian. She found religion her freshman year of high school. She has backed away from some aspects of it (she’s pro-choice, doesn’t have a problem with sex before marriage, has no problems with homosexuality and generally doesn’t make a big fuss about Jesus unless you actually decide to sit and talk about it with her), but she still believes, somewhat, in a 6-day creation. We’ve debated the point several times.
I, on the other hand, am a liberal Christian and attend a Unitarian Universalist Church (except on Easter and Christmas Eve, when I prefer a blatantly Christian service). I don’t believe in Creationism or anything else associated with Fundamentalism.
The thing is, though, she has the biggest heart in the world and takes the Christian philosophy of forgiveness very personally. I’ve screwed up several times, but she keeps me in her life, as close to her heart as ever. Her religion has made her a great human being, and given that, I think her thoughts on the origin of mankind are rather trivial.
Dating her and being friends with her made me a better person as well. I am much more respectful of Christian beliefs and admire the devotion that these people have, even if I think the rules some denominations have (can you hear me, SBC?) are totally archaeic. But these people, mostly, have a lot of love for the world in their hearts. Since knowing her, I’ve come back to Christianity. I will never be “saved” like she was. I won’t have a tear-filled breakdown where I embrace a personal relationship with my savior. I don’t need that to believe in Jesus. I know that I do and I know that He cares for me. I don’t need a lot of drama to get that point across. But I wasn’t even willing to admit that much before meeting my ex. She busted all of my stereotypes of Christians and showed me that being one isn’t a bad thing at all.
All that aside, both of you are pretty young, just like her and I are. So don’t worry about it too much. However, I would encourage you to look at this more as a opportunity than an obstacle.
What? Isn’t Christmas secular enough for you? Not that I’m complaining, I reckon it’s a relative boon getting the God out of Christmas. It’s no longer exclusionary.
Well, I suppose it can work, if both of you are totally committed to making it so. However:
Story 1. When I was in college, I started dating a good friend. He was (still is, in fact) handsome, tall, funny, all of the good stuff. He is also the most fundamentalist born-again Christian I have ever met in my life. We went out for a couple of months, until I couldn’t take it anymore. See, we were starting to really care for each other, and I found out from a mutual friend that he was praying every night that I would see the light and accept Jesus. Being a true believer, he couldn’t accept the idea that I was not saved. End of story–we split up, but remained friends. He eventually married another fundy Christian, a wonderful and beautiful woman, and is very happy. I eventually married another lapsed Jew and am very happy also.
Story 2. A fellow I work with is in the process of divorcing his wife. The main issue: she is fundamentalist Christian, he is Agnostic at best. He says that, in the beginning, they just “agreed to disagree,” but she is hounding him to accompany her to church several times a week, and is [his wording] “indoctrinating” their 10-year-old daughter. They have split, gotten together, and split several times in their 12 years of marriage. They are currently awaiting finalization of a divorce that neither of them really wants, imho. They do love each other–but the religious difference was too great. It’s not the wife’s fault–the problem is the huge difference in worldview.
Bottom line–it can work, with lots of honesty and talking before the children come along, but in my very humble opinion–which I believe you requested in the OP–it’s more likely to fail. Other posters have brought up her family pressure, which can be a big influence. Also–if she’s a true believer and she really loves you, how long can she allow your immortal soul to remain in peril?
Whatever you choose to do, good luck to you both!