I’m a passive atheist and she’s a passive Christian. It’s really a non-issue since she doesn’t go to church and I’m not part of an atheist club or something. I find Richard Dawkin’s brand of “YOU’RE AN IDIOT FOR BELIEVING IN GOD” atheism to be somewhat obnoxious. I think she would prefer if I was Christian though. Ironically I know more about the Bible than she does (though I have never been Christian).
Yeah, sure, I understand, and I don’t mean any disrespect. I am just discussing this against a hypothetical viewpoint, which incidentally is yours. But of course it is a different experience to you.
IMHO it depends on the relationship.
I certainly don’t administer a religious litmus test to prospective dates, but experience has taught that a relationship between little ol’atheist me and anyone who believes in an interventionist god, divinely ordained gender roles, holy book literalism, creationism, proselytization, being born again, or who opposes birth control, is doomed to come to a swift although probably amicable end. My most successful relationships have come with other skeptics (of a variety of stripes) and religiously liberal Jews. Neo-pagan would probably work just fine, as would, I imagine, Buddhists. Although I certainly wouldn’t rule out dating another Christian, I’m aware that a long-term relationship probably won’t happen. I won’t ever have kids so fortunately that’s a non-issue. I would never interfere or say anything negative about him praying, attending church, or performing other religious functions as long as he doesn’t expect me to actively participate, but the odds are that our fundamental worldviews would be too incompatible for the long haul. Friends? Absolutely; some of my longest-running friendships are with conservative Christians. But marriage or an equivalent long-term, intimate relationship? Ehhh… I wouldn’t rule it out beforehand, but I wouldn’t hold my breath, either.
FWIW, my mostly atheist & irreligious family and friends have never even asked about the religious views of my partners. My religious “other halves,” especially the Christians, have sometimes been exposed to intense pressure not only from family, but pastors, church groups, and other disinterested parties who have no business expressing an opinion but take it on themselves to yammer on about being “unequally yoked” at the poor boys. I’ve even been broken up with by proxy via a church group leader. Talk about a strange experience, though, based on what I’ve read on messageboards lately, one that’s not all that uncommon for atheists.
Logic is for philosophy. Why should religion be “logical” or “real”? The whole point is that it is metaphysical, not phsyical. It doesn’t obey the rules, it is beyond them.
Such great responses. And yes, the “Puddy and Elaine” thought did cross my mind earlier!
If everything else were equal, I would have less trouble dating an atheist or agnostic than I would dating a Baptist, or a born-again evangelical. That type of fundamentalist mindset would drive me over the edge. I have a hard enough time with a Baptist friend who always tells me she’s praying for me. And the people who use “Praise the Lord” or “have a blessed day” every five minutes are the people that I think Trunk is thinking of when he pictures a Christian…not sweet little old me. I have very liberal viewpoints, and I never worry about who is going to Hell…I figure most people have time to repent and reform! I rarely talk to anyone about my faith, and the amount of my church-going is more a topic for scheduling than for witnessing purposes. I do mission work only if it involves cooking or singing or tearing something down with power tools…please don’t ask me to pray with people or do Bible study. I don’t care if someone is saved, or searching, or sinning, as long as they aren’t pushing it in my face. I do my own share of sinning, and that’s a matter between God and me…I couldn’t attend a church that would harass me about my behavior. I truly cannot tell you if my ex-husband believes in God…the topic never came up. My children, who went to Sunday School for years and years, have both moved away from any religious beliefs. While I hope someday they may come back, it’s a non-issue with us. I don’t worry about the condition of their eternal souls, I just ask that they be good people, and good citizens.
I found it funny that an earlier poster mentioned that as a United Methodist they were fairly conservative and fundamentalist, while I feel that the United Methodist church asks me to be more liberal and …darn, can’t find the right word…just have to go with “open” in my approach to Scripture. At least the churches of the Northeast Ohio Conference are that way.
And someone earlier mentioned bell choir…that would be a great subject for a whole other thread. Lillith Fair is my bell choir director, so maybe the two of us can start a thread on that challenge!
I know I headed this thread Christians dating Atheists, but I’m still interested to hear from any Hindus, Buddists, Jews, pagans or Muslims, too. I know we’ve had a few responses from non-Christians, but there must be more out there.
“Religion doesn’t obey the rules, it is beyond them.” ***Walloon ***
“It is not for us to know.”
“Faith cannot be explained; it must be experienced.”
“God works in mysterious ways.”
Those aren’t answers; they are riddles. These deliberately cryptic statements are not deeply profound declarations of faith. They are versions of “I know a secret.” With a touch of “Neener neener you can’t prove that I am wrong because science can’t measure how I feel.”
But here is the flaw in your argument. We absolutely can measure how it makes you feel. We can image it, we can reproduce it, we can wire up meditating monks and praying Christians and show you colorful maps of the stimulated brain.
Religion makes you feel warm and fuzzy, stokes your endorphins; tickles your parietal lobes. Religion gives you a purpose and a finite set of rules. Religion promises that you will never die. No one disputes that life is easier when the bulk of the people agree and follow a leader. I get it. What I don’t understand is the time wasted wringing hands and agonizing over “God’s mysterious plan.” What I don’t understand is why the love of your family and your spouse are not sufficient. I don’t understand why you can’t find meaningful hobbies, meaningful relationships, and meaningful experiences on your own. Why can’t missionaries accomplish kindness without indoctrination? I don’t understand how puzzling over an ancient leather bound text is any different from consulting a Magic 8 ball, or a Ouija board. How is your faith different from superstition? What I really want to know is why you think that you are right when evidence is pointing to the contrary, and why you are certain that all other beliefs are completely wrong. Your God will cure cancer in one child, and curse another with it. Your God will send famine to Ethiopia, and abundance to Napa Valley. Your God is One Giant Contradiction and by many accounts, a real meany. Why not take the responsibility to thrive- to love thy neighbor, respect the planet, and share with the needy all by yourself? Cut out the paradoxical middle man?
Want those rewarding warm fuzzy feelings? Cuddle with your husband. Snuggle with your children. Make love to your girlfriend. Put your face in a basket of kittens. Climb a mountain. Watch the sunrise. Crochet a blanket. Give birth. Wiggle your toes in warm sand. Listen to the dawn chorus. This life, right here, right now, is worth living. I can prove it.
I can’t date or marry a Christian because I cannot yoke myself to someone who cannot take the personal responsibility to seek happiness and fulfillment from just loving, living and enjoying his life to the fullest.
Wait, let me re-read what I posted. I don’t recall writing anything about how I or anyone else “feels”.
Isn’t it funny when other people try to put words in your mouth?
I’m sorry if I misunderstood. I don’t have as much experience intrepreting esoteric declarations as some people. Can you elaborate on this statement?
Gladly.
I did not say “religion promises that you will never die.”
I did not say anything about “wringing hands and agonizing over ‘God’s mysterious plan.’”
I said nothing about the love of my family and my spouse.
I did not say I “can’t find meaningful hobbies, meaningful relationships, and meaningful experiences” on my own.
I did not say I was “certain that all other beliefs are completely wrong.”
Nor did I ever say that “this life, right here, right now” is not worth living.
Got it?
I would like you to elaborate on *your * statement.
That was pretty much my experience trying to date a Fundamentalist Baptist. He just couldn’t leave me alone religion-wise (I’m a Pantheistic Neo-Pagan Agnostic - I’m basically reserving judgement 
).
As an athiest, I would have trouble completely trusting someone of religion. I mean, people can do what they want. But the person you are dating, well, they are held to higher standards. I just would have trouble respecting the person if they willing stick their fingers in their ears and shout “La La La La La!” against all logic and reason.
Sure, some people don’t become religius, even after being fed religious thoughts as a child. But also very many do.
Young children are rather incapable of questioning something everybody tell them, if nobody questions it for them. Once they are old enough to do that, the beliefs are likely to be hardwired in them, so they don’t actually get much of a choice. And why don’t they deserve a choice? Why isn’t it more fair to let them decide themselves about religion, at an age where they can make that decision?
Im certain that your children will not grow up to be fanatical, and that they will be good moral people. But there is a good chance that will also bo molded to have a set of religious beliefs, which they will live with all their lives. And, if so, how much can they believe in rationality and reason, when the cores of their beliefs are irrational? How much can they keep a clear mind, when they need to keep it muddled in order to keep their inconsistent views? How much can they give this life the value it deserves, when they have firm ideas about guilt and the afterlife?
Ask Mohandas Gandhi, Isaac Newton or Martin Luther King, Jr., all devoutly religious persons.
I would ask Isaac Newton, but he would probably be too busy trying to decipher insidious messages from Revelations, or studying astrology.
Hard atheist here. I really don’t think I could be in a serious relationship with a believer. No matter what, I’d be thinking “how the hell can you believe that?”. I doubt I’d be able to get past it, extreme circumstances excepted. So far, the situation hasn’t come up.
I want to save this and e-mail it to people who send me glurge, and also possibly embroider it on a sampler.
Wait, wait, wait…are you honestly saying that you think all Christians are caught in some lock-step where we can’t do a thing without consulting the book, and that we don’t seek our happiness in loving, living and enjoying life? The same book that says “This is my commandment: Love one another as I have loved you.”? Do you honestly think that sentiment means that Christians aren’t taking personal responsibility for their lives and their happiness?
I understand from you example above with your former family that you have intimate experience with the type of fundamentalists who seem to have surrendered their free will, and who rely (IMHO) way too much on The Word. But in my experience with religion over the past 50 years, I see very, very few of that type of Christian. And that’s not the type I am. So I think painting all Christians with such a broad brush is a bit limiting. But once again, that goes back to the OP…isn’t the dating process where we find out these things about one another and see whether we can tolerate each other’s differences? And it seems from many of the examples above that many atheists find that they can love someone, fully and completely, who believes something very different from them.
A thought occured to me, when thinking about all the comments about believing in fairy stories and unicorns: it must be infinitely harder for an atheist to deal with someone who believes in witchcraft and the like than it is to deal with someone who just believes there is a God who wants us to live good lives. But I see little scorn for that here. It all seems directed at Christians…and why don’t the Buddhists and the Hindus get any of that, too?
Probably has more to do with who they’re surrounded with than with anything else. I tend to get irked by the antics of Fundamentalist Orthodox Jews – because that’s the variety of Fundie that grows around my house. Americans and Europeans will see far more Christian jerks than jerks of other denominations (including atheist jerks - what, you think I don’t know those exist, too?), so those are the ones who draw their fire – for the same exact reason, I think, that you specified “Christian” in your OP, I might add!