Christmas Carols you'll never hear (dark humor)

Cafe Society
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“I Been A Bad Bad Boy”
Santa ain’t bringing me nothing
Ain’t bringing nothing at all
I shoulda never been naughty
Or shot all them kids at the mall

“Zombies for Christmas”
Three days dead and back from the grave,
The zombies are rising for Christmas
You better not pout, you better be brave,
The zombies are coming to kill us

“No Christmas For Me”
Why can’t we just keep on working this Christmas?
I’m losing a week’s worth of pay
I don’t believe in your religious observance
It’s just an ordin’ry day

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edit: NSFW (strong language - no nuditity, though)

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“The Second Noel”
The se-cond noel, the thi-ird noel
The fourth noel and the fi-ifth noel

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There goes Santa Claus
there goes Santa Claus
back up to the North Pole
I think he’s getting
kinda sick and tired of
hauling all that coal
When he gets home
he’ll unplug the phone
and maybe play some golf,
and next year don’t be too surprised
when Santa takes Christmas off.

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To be fair there is the Christmas Night of the Living Dead by MXPX.

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“O Christmas Cat”
O Christmas Cat, O Christmas Cat,
Stop shitting on my presents.
O Christmas Cat, O Christmas Cat,
The smell is quite unpleasant.

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If you can’t depend on Weird Al, who can you depend on?

I also remember, from when I was about 9, a radio parody of ‘‘Walkin’ in a Winter Wonderland’’ that included the lyrics:

Later on, if you wanna
We can dress like Madonna
Wearin’ her clothes, silk pantyhose
Walking 'round in women’s underwear

For some reason I find this hysterically funny.

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Not a carol, but a wonderful book–Christopher Moore’s The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

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Check it out…

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And don’t forget The Night Santa Went Crazy:

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Videos of The Night Santa Went Crazy and Christmas At Ground Zero

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Grandma Got Fucked Over by a Reindeer

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“It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Syphilis”.

Oh wait, The Four Skins already recorded that one.