Its been 3 months since I am in US(i am from india). I am a graduate student(international graduate student here). I am in a relation with one girl who is an american. one and three months before this girl came to india and worked in my company we worked on a same project. and we fall in love.She has a depression problems. so she use to take this medicine citalopram. we had a living relatioship in India, because of depression some times she use to cry loudly in the room and does not want meto touch here. some times it happened that when she felt like she does not love me anymore. she had no feelings for me. But any how things worked out later and she started feeling like love me. In the end she came back in US 6 motnhs before. But still we were in relationship. she joined her medical school. some times when she was depressed she use to call me and we talk, we did skype too. then after 6 moths i came here. our relation ship started again in new world. Everything seems worked out but after 2 months she failed her medical school, and so many things were started happening in her life after that. she wants to stay with me here during that time but her parents does not want her to stay here. But now 2 weeks before we had a big fight she find out that i love some one else in india. but we path up and she realized that it was just a misunderstanding. but she still feel weird. she came to may apt on that day we spent weekend together overall it was fine. but as soon as she left my apartment she started making distance less talk, less text, less video. after one week when she said that she is missing her i went to meet her at home, her parents know me already (since india). next day when i was coming back she told me that she does not love me anymore. she feels like more like a friend now. and this time she has a strong feelings about this.
I really do not know what should i do now. because since i am a graduate student i have no much time to make things work out. and its been more than a 2 week since she is a behaving weird to me. previously it happen in india but things worked out because firstly she was in india where she was more dependent on me and we were in living relationship where we had more time to spent together. But now i am completely hopeleess. I fall apart. i am so depressed because i love her so much and we had a strong relationship even after this strong transition india to US. Please Help me I am really looking forward to hear this.
The same thing also happen with her ex-boyfriend too. but in that case she does not loved her. But in my case she loved me but result is same.
It sounds like that she has over the relationship. This could or could not be due to the medication, but I don’t think that is the point (it’s not like you could ask her to give up the medicine and expect everything to return to before.) I think it’s time to move on.
Full disclosure: I went on citalopram last year (still on it) and it’s helped my relationship with the Other Shoe because of my new lack of psycho-bitch mode.
That said, you can blame the medication she’s taking if it makes you feel better, but one way or the other, this one is over. You’re not the one for her and, therefore, she’s not the one for you. I’m sorry you love someone who doesn’t love you back, but you’ll have to get over her and move on.
Thanks. I knew that it not just the medicine but was not sure. But its hard to digest for me that she does not love me anymore. because what i feel is relationship become stronger not only when you want. some times it just happen without realizing that your partner has a really importance for you or care for you or plays a major role in any situation. we had a 6 months long relationship. I was in India and she was in US, and we use to talk, skype, some time she cries everyday, in result of that our relationship become stronger, and suddenly every thing just fall apart. so difficult to accept this. May be it such a indian thing which i have in me.
Yes, it sounds like a lot of circumstances have changed in both your lives, and no doubt that has impacted on her feelings for you. But you need to respect her decision (although I’m sure you realise that already). Sorry to hear this has happened to you.
How does her crying make the relationship stronger?
when she misses me. she use to cry ( because whenever she had any problem in her daily life, I was the one whom she talked to). she use to say. i makes her stronger, give strength. supports her decision, inspire her, encourage her, some time because of her depression which makes her so negative like why we are alive, what is the meaning of life, negative things. I was the one who she tell everything. since i was not here before which makes more depressed.
During the relationship i was everything for her for me the same too
In india if some one has a strong relationship or commitment and later nothing is working out they try to fix it. how ever if things still does not work out then they move on. for breaking up a relationship i think there should be some reason. just because you do not feel love anymore, that should not be only the reason to break up. thats what i feel.
Here its also the same, thats what i have realized in 3 months. i might be wrong.
You don’t see the reasons your relationship is not stable?
You said that originally she had problems with depression. Then things got better until she failed medical school. Then you say you loved someone back in India and fought about that. Finally you spend one weekend with her and afterward she says she does not love you anymore.
You say you want her to be dependent on you, but when she was dependent on you before, the relationship also had many problems. She also had problems with another boyfriend. You can not fix her problems. Encourage her to find solutions for her problems, because if she does not, they will happen again and again.
While it is nice if someone can explain their reasons behind a breakup, they don’t owe you it. And not loving you is a pretty good reason. Anything beyond that is not wildly important, once the love is gone.
You may never get answers, she may not be able to articulate them clearly. But you two seem to have very different views of your relationship and what it meant to each of you.
yeah you may be right. we both have different views of our relationship. but we use to talk about future. At some point she wanst to spent her whole life with me. once she even she told here parents too. she said that she is vary complicated person, wants to become like a simple like me. But now she does not love me. so its not a good idea to think about past over and over. Any advise what should i do now. should i just give some time to this or let her be alone ?.
how should i react when she called me or she wants to talk to me or next time we meet
You should first believe her when she says she does not love you, and that you will never have that kind of relationship with her.
If she calls you crying and wants you to fix her problems, you should understand that she does not love you, but that she only needs you until her problem is taken care of.
If you understand that, are comfortable with it and can still talk with her about your mutual interests, then there is a chance the two of you can remain friends. But if you believe you can make her love you the way you want, you will not be happy.
Citalopram might cause inorgasmia or something, but it’s unlikely it would cause a relationship breakdown in and of itself. As painful as it is to say, it is much, much more likely that she merely thought she loved you because of the depression, and, now that it’s better, she’s realized she really doesn’t. You can’t really blame the citalopram for that, as it would have happened no matter how the depression was treated.
SSRIs do cause a sort of blunting effect, but they won’t blunt out love. At least, not without also blunting out nearly every other emotion, too.
I’ve taken anti-depressants that made me not give a crap about anything, even getting up to go to work (and yes, I’ve called in sick due to it). Actually, even getting up off the floor was a nightmare.
Yes they do blunt out love. They blunt out everything. I’ve given up trying to get help from them, after several tries (lexapro, effexor, zoloft, luvox, wellbutrin). Zoloft was the worst, then luvox, then wellbutrin. The others, well they didn’t work at all.
so this week finally i meet her again, she came here and stayed with me. we had really good time, and i realized that she does not have the same feeling for me anymore and i felt thats not totally her fault. I asked her finally what she thinks we should do now since she does not feel the same way as before. she told me that she does not know why her feeling changed for me now.she thinks we should take break for one month. she want to see for one month if things works out.
i am completely hopeless after this. but i do not know why she wants to take one month break, also she said that she do not want to give me any false hope. i still love her so much and i am quite positive about it. but on the another side i am not expecting anything out of it. because i do not want to fall apart again.
Any suggestion ???
I’m sorry to say this, but it sounds like she knows she isn’t interested in you, but doesn’t have the courage to say so right now. So she’s going with the ‘one-month’ thing in the hopes that either you’ll stop pursuing her and move on with your life or that she’ll get enough courage to call it quits herself.
It must be incredibly hard for you jumping headfirst into a new country, a new culture, and with a complicated relationship thrown in to it all.
But hey, it’s a new world full of new opportunities and other women. You’re a free man. Enjoy 
And good luck.
thanks you so much. this is the best which i like most. I will do the same. I can be still be good friends with her.
thank you all. i really appreciate to all of your’s valuable suggestion
I’m not sure exactly what happened, but in the US, having a serious (aka “going steady”) romantic relationship with two people, commonly called “two-timing”, is a big no-no. If an American girl catches you two-timing her, she will dump you or at the least be very upset and will demand that you either commit to her exclusively or else break up with her. Expect a lot of tears. Exceptions to this rule are rare. Being in a situation where you love two people is dangerous. If an American that you are dating finds out that you also love someone else, even if you are not actually dating that other person, that can be seriously problematic. Americans generally expect exclusivity in a relationship once the relationship extends beyond casual dating.