Cliches In Real Life

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I did a mundane and pointless assessment today, and after 42 years on this planet I can say that I have, literally and without any intended irony:

Slipped on a banana peel (they really are very slippery on a linoleum floor)

Been up a river in a boat without a paddle (first time canoeing, I dropped it in the water)

Asked for whom the bell tolled (passing a church having a wedding)

Put all my eggs into one basket (at the supermarket, all the time)

I have collected money from a Peter and paid a debt to a Paul, but it was not a robbery and separated by a few days so not even with the same money. But close!

Anybody else?

2

I’ve heard from more than one source that the banana peel thing was a widely understood euphemism. The banana peel was a family friendly stand-in for a wad of horse shit, which would have been a common slipping hazard back in the days before cars.

Don’t know if it’s true; can’t back it up; but I’ve heard it, and it makes sense to me.

3

I’ve had cake and eaten it, too.
I’ve had ants in my pants (NOT a good morning).

4

I’ve been on my way to a wedding, only to discover upon arriving at the church that it had been cancelled, so I was literally all dressed up with nowhere to go.

My neighbor told me about another friend of ours who was getting a divorce. At the time we were both working in our yards and he was telling me over my fence, which has Thompson seedless grapes on the trellis. Yes, I heard it through the grapevine.

5

Having become a dog owner for the first time recently, I’ve had occasion to both keep someone on a short leash, and seen someone run away with her tail between her legs. Both are extremely apt turns of phrase.

6

Playing with my wife one day I was “beating around the bush.”

Eating some yummy fried chicken last night, I “bit off more than I could chew” and got grease all over my chin.

Instead of renting a plot of land to grow a veggie garden, I “bought the farm.”

I “dug up dirt” on a friend as we were excavating to pour a slab for his new back porch.

He made me “eat dirt” when he threw some back at me.

7

When I was caught in bed with that chicken I really had egg on my face.

8

I saw a chicken cross a road in Key West, FL. He wanted a bite of my Key Lime Pie.

9

Things really are in the last place you’d look for them.

10

My brother once called me from New Orleans as he had just gotten a beignet from Cafe Du Monde and was stepping onto a streetcar.

11

For the past 8 years, my right gluteus medius muscle has been going crazy, constantly being tight and irritated, causing me no end of pain and suffering.

Yes, it has been a pain in my ass.

12

I made a mountain out of a molehill once.

13

I don’t get this one.

14

You should have gone to a party where no-one was still alive. A dead man’s party.

15

I have also used a sledgehammer to crack a nut, and have nailed jelly to a tree.

16

Those are food and modes of transportation that are cliches from New Orleans. One or the other wouldn’t be worth mentioning but the combination is what made me post it.

17

It whooshed me. I don’t associate streetcars particularly with New Orleans, as they’re everywhere.

18

A Streetcar Named Desire

19

I know someone who once played second fiddle (in an orchestra).
I have been literally on the fence. Can be dangerous.
I have danced to someone else’s tune on a dance floor.
I have carried a weight that was used as a standard measuring weight for balance scales.
I have friends in high places, if that means knowing a few pilots.
I have drawn a line in the sand.
I have worn the shoe if it fits.
I have done things at the 11th hour, being asked why I haven’t gone home yet, it’s 11 pm.

I have not had a chance to literally bury a hatchet.
I tried to get lost in Old San Juan, but couldn’t - it was too small.

20

As I put away a new for 2013 Halloween prop, I realized that not only do I truly have toys in the attic (mostly Lego), I now have a skeleton in the closet as well.