C'mon you putzes, gimme a Pit thread I can sink my teeth into

Man, the last couple o’ days here have just bit. Seems like all the current Pit threads are bitching about life in general or specific people who have pissed off the ranter IRL. Some are interesting to read, but none have been anything I can respond to viciously.

So people, get your head out of your asses and post something stupid, over-generalized, and irrational!! Perhaps for this to work, you have to actually put your heads into your asses, but whatever. I need something I can rip you a new one for.
Haven’t you dungheaps gotten the message yet?! YOU ARE ON THIS PLANET TO AMUSE ME!! I thought this was taught to everyone by the 5th grade. I keep checking the Pit like a kid unwrapping a gift to find FUCKING SOCKS inside.

So, please, somebody, say something stupid, just for me.
Sua

P.S. I wouldn’t mind if you just make something up, but make it sound sincere. Thanks in advance.

::brings in happy fuzzy bunnies, sunshine, singing maidens, deer, squirrels, and other assorted cheerful woodland creatures::

::hands Sua a MAC-10::

Entertain your own damn self.

This is whatr has sent me up in flames lately.

There are certain individual floating around lately that are always trying to tell me that I shouldn’t judge alternative lifestylees unless I’ve "tried them out"for myself.

I can agree with that in priciple, but the trouble is, is that when I tried that line on this Hottie lesbian girl that I know, she said that it was rude and insensitive.

I am but a simple man, confused by the ever changing modern times that we live in. But what I want to know is why is it proper for the Gander to proselytize? but not the Goose? And what is a good “Angle of Attack” to use with Lesbians?

Anyway

As Salaam Salaykum

Exion

Thanks, tiggeril. This will hold me over for BLAM a while, BLAM, but its just BLAM not the same as pure rank BLAM stupidity.

Sua

What the hell is a “fucking sock?”

How do you think sock puppets multiply so quickly?

To the OP:

I don’t think we really need a president. Why don’t we just call it a draw and let the other 2 or 3 branches of government run things for a while? It’s not like either Alfred Gore or Jeb Bush is gonna get anything done. Hell, we had a president with alzhiemer’s for 8 freakin years and the country was just fine. In fact he was the best damned president we ever had!

So I take it you haven’t been following smithwow’s posts…

How about them florida voters! So intelligent and observant! Glad they didn’t screw up the election.

Been there, done that. But thanks for trying!

Sua

scratches head for a minute, eyes staring blankly at stained ceiling tile…

Well, shit, I can’t think of anything. It’s all been done before. John Rocker, Cervase… they already took the good lines.

Hell, there might be a good rant about how the ceiling tiles got stained. (Or perhaps just some very good memories).

Sua

Okay, Sua, I can see through your veil of half-assed humor. Your jumping down my throat about the goddamn ceiling tile is so fucking obviously a jab to me and my career. It’s a huge slap in the face. I didn’t fall of the turnip truck yesterday, damnit, and just because you didn’t say “glass ceiling” doesn’t mean I can’t read between the lines. The hostility! Is it because I went to a woman’s college? Is it because you think I’m wasting my life in a job that requires no leadership skills? What the fuck? Do you have to ram it down my throat? What are YOUR issues that you’d throw this in my face like that?

But of course, despite what you just wrote, I don’t care at all. I’m enfuckingtirely comfortable with my decisions and with my career. Just because I think you should get off my fucking back doesn’t mean I give a rat’s ass what you THINK. Really.

Christ, you come on the boards, you mention something about your office furnishings, and someone attacks you right at the jugular. Really, I’d expect more from you. All of you. Because I can tell you all agree with Sua. I can tell by the tone of the silence thus far. Well fuck you all too!

You are dog drool. (Had enough?)

I recently went to Burger King to order a Kid’s Meal, just to get my SuaSponte collectible glass Christmas ornament, when some teen-aged imbecile behind the counter slipped on a piece of lettuce and broke the last few ornaments left.
I ended up getting a fucking Barney vinyl change purse!

gggrrrrrr…

**For SuaSponte

TAKE YOUR PICK:[list][]Making abortion illegal and forcing crack-addicted prostitutes to have children they don’t want will improve society.[]Rich people don’t get special treatment from police or judges.[]It’s okay for somebody you don’t know to make a living by viewing images and literature and then deciding whether you’re allowed to view them, too.[]We Americans need lots of guns without trigger locks so that we can continue to foil all the bank robberies and stop all the burglars.[]Robert Downey, Jr. should be in prison.[]Ozzy Osbourne is off drugs.[]Britney Spears’ tits are real.[]Rick Martin isn’t gay.

**P.S. If socks multiply so much, how come mine keep disappearing in the dryer?

Office furnishings? Wow, was I completely mistaken. I thought you were in the porn industry.

Sua

what is a fucking sock?

run a google search on “TugAhoy”, nimrod.
(nimrod means “mighty hunter” I just threw it in for effect)

Yikes, Twisty! Let’s not pursue this, or JDT will show up. Nobody wants that, huh?

[field of dreams voice]If you tug it, he will come[/field of dreams voice]