What? No pic of the 3000 foot penis?
Coldie…in a kilt…
Mmmmm…um…oh…yes…YES!!!
Oh wait, he mentions a girlfriend. DAMN!!! Coldy, you damn tease!!!
Hum, you said be brutal…
Jasper?!? Sounds like a butler’s name to me. Peel me a grape, you nob!
Holy crap, suddenly I feel… verdant.
CRIKEY! You’re younger than me? You miserable little puscillanamous puppy… Why I oughta…
Say, I bet there’s plenty of babes in a place called Goirle!
Funny, you look neither cold nor fiery. Drat. Curses and bad words! There goes my mental picture.
Actually, I’d really prefer it if you moderator bossy-bosses kept a more anonymous, faceless profile (so to speak); it’s soooooo much easier to believe you’re part of an Evil Empire conspiracy than it is to believe you’re an actual humanoid… though a younger one than I, at that. Yeesh.
turns green with envy
Incredible, really. You look pretty cool. In a SDMB kinda way.
A kilt. Radical man.
First, it’s rather disappointing that you are human. Especially after I didn’t find you for a beer in Amsterdam, you’d become a bit larger than life. But you don’t look like a Nazi Bastard, or whatever it is they call you in the Pit. In fact you look disappointingly mortal.
Second, I’m not one to swoon for a man in a skirt, so I won’t. But your sweetie is a hottie!
Finally, Mrs. ShibbOleth tells me that my son really admires your first name, for some reason which was totally lost on me.
What the world of SDMB WIMMEN and GAY GUYS want to know is what are you wearing under your kilt? 
Nicely done web page.
Where’s your windmill? Don’t all Dutchmen have a windmill in the back yard, even a small one? Don’t be embarrased of your tiny windmill. We won’t laugh. BTW where are your wooden shoes and your giant cart pulling dog? You’re not really Dutch are you? You’re some kind of Slovakian crypto Nazi trying to pass as a typically hardworking, yet sexually unimaginative Dutchman! Well let me tell you buddy unless there’s a windmill or some cloggin’ going on pretty soon on that home page…well the KLPD will have some questions for you!
Not a bad site at all. Just get rid of the picture of that bitch in there, and I think you’ve got something.
I see the worst of the cold sores are gone. But dude, get rid of the toupee.
Oh, the site! Yes, well, it’s rather…uh…hmmm…how to put this…well, it’s there y’know?
Don’t worry, some hacker will be along shortly to replace your home page with a political or pornographic message of their choice.
::Looks at all the swooners::
::SWOON::
Well, honey, I have a pic I took at Shayna and Spiny Norman’s wedding that sort of reminded me of this, but I don’t know how to post it. Picture Coldfire standing there with his Bloody Mary in hand…and it had this incredibly long piece of celery in it, and …well, I know. I am weird. But it just reminded me, that’s all, so I took a picture.
The board ate the post I added after preview, I swear it.
Jasper, I loved your new page, and I especially loved the pic of you in the kilt. (My heritage is Scottish, and I am a sucker for a kilt anyway, but you look very fetching in yours. Do you by any chance play the bagpipes? )
And Heloise looks beautiful, as always.
Good SHOW!
More adulation, here.
Loved th’ site, Coldfire.
And, yeah, especially th’ kilt pic.
Nice page, Jasper, but it needs more to it. Especially more kilt pics. At least you’ve got the most important link in there.
Would it make you feel any better to know that I’m typing this in a room that is called Lynn’s Lair, and that said room contains four game consoles, three computers (plus scattered defunct computer components), a crystal skull, an hourglass decorated with skeletons, a 4’ x 6’ map of the world which was printed in 1957, half a dozen knives (sorry, no shurikens…yet) and approximately 1000 cubic feet of books? Oh, AND a baby blue cape, with pockets. My walking staff is in the living room, I’m afraid, so I don’t know whether you’d count that or not.
Only if you’ll promise to take over the world classily, with an original evil laugh.
Ah yes, Jasper McWebmaster.
Timberlands !..very banker retro…
Bikes - check
Car - check
Bird - check
Guinness - check
Possibly need links to the site’s of the teams you support but, I imagine, they’ll be coming soon.
Aside from that, it looks good. Have fun with it, them and her. Not necessarily in that order.
Jeez, I’m going to have to dig out my kilt! Maybe we can have a Kiltfest.
Suggestions? Hm… How about changing this:
To this:
That way people won’t have to go to your links page to get here.
I think your page would be an excellent place to post your May 5th, 1945 thread for posterity.
You have a link to your guestbook, but it isn’t active.
Damn! Now I’m going to have to wash my Yamaha Seca II (Diversion, to you) and post the pics on my photo page. Eh, I’ll get around to it eventually…
Congratulations on your new home in Cyberia!
OK, in response to some of the remarks:
The kilt was a one time deal. A friend of mine was getting married in Scotland, and us Dutchies decided to rent kilts to blend in. It was much appreciated by the local visitors, whereas we were a bit apprehensive beforehand of coming across a tad over the top. No such thing, they loved the initiative. For those not in the know, the tartan is the ceremonial version of the McLeod clan.
[Scottish Accent] And noothin’ w’s worrn und’r th’ kilt, madam, ev’rythin’ w’s in fiine w’rkin’ ord’r.[/Scottish Accent]
For the record, the Bloody Mary Scotticher refered to: I was holding it, not drinking it. I think Heloise needed both her hands for something else, or something, and I had to hold it for a second, but I don’t drink Bloody Maries on a regular basis. Just so you know.
astro, I see you’ve met the fine men of our KLPD (the Dutch highway police). How fine did they treat you?
Heloise, I can’t get rid of the picture of that bitch. I’ve grown rather attached to her, if at a bit of a distance.
Extra links to Ajax Amsterdam and the Dutch Football Team will be added in due time, mr Calling. Like, when we qualify for a tournament or something.
Johnny, don’t feel to bad: the Divvy in the pic isn’t even mine, it’s just a similar one.
I’ll add more links and url tag shit when I learn how to, I guess. This was pretty much a template with “edit” buttons, ideal for an illiterate like myself!
“Cold Fire” is a Rush song?
Damn. All this time I’d assumed you were a Claudja Barry fan.
Can I swoon too?
[grouchy old man]
No sir, I don’t like it. Not one little bit.
What we got here is some clog-dancing tulip-boy trying to make us Ugly Americans jealous.
I mean, he puts the thing up in English, fer cryin’ out loud, just so we can be sure to read about how great his life is.
“Nyah-nyah, I’m a good-looking Dutch guy, with a decent job, a cool bike, and a super-hot (American!) girlfriend.”
Thanks for nothing, Mr. Wonderful.
[/grouchy old man]