Even though my mother has been dead for over 10 years, for some reason, I’m feeling a bit down this Mother’s Day. Nothing horrible, but still a bit down in the dumps and generally irritable to be around.
I think some of my problems are that my closest friends still have mothers who are alive and are planning festivities of one kind or another. One of my closest friends in fact just became a grandmother, so it’s going to be a big day for her and I really don’t want to rain on her parade. The woman I’m dating is going to be with her mother (whom she has troublesome relationship with) for Mother’s Day. I have older brothers, but they are either married with kids or out of the country on business.
First of all, I am scheduled to work tomorrow at my job, so that should take care of me for part of the day, but I’m just curious as to what others in this situation would do to combat the blues. I was fortunate that I had a great mom, who did a good job of raising me so I have fond memories of her.
So any suggestions? Head to the movies? Watching my numerous hours of “Simpsons” reruns saved up on my DV-R?
My mom died relatively young and unexpectedly in 1991, and dad followed a few years later. Sometimes it helps to go there to the cemetary and acknowledge the fact that the grief is still there, and just feel the pain for a bit.
My father remarried after my mom died and he passed away in 2002. And his second wife insisted that my father be buried separately from my mother, so actually going to the cemetery makes me feel even worse.
But it’s a good idea for most people.
I suppose I should not go out and rent “Bambi” or “The Joy Luck Club”.
Do something in honor of your Mother. It might be something as simple as taking a plant or some flowers to a lady who has no children to visit her in assisted care or a nursing home. It’s easy to strike up a conversation with the elderly. Most of them love to talk about their childhoods – and perhaps their own mothers.
Or you could plant a tree. Now that I think about it, I will do that myself on Fathers’ Day.
I lost my mom ten years ago, as well, and have similar feelings this year.
I often just wish I could still pick up the phone and call, but it does feel worse this year.
You’ve received good advice, and I don’t have all that much to add, other than I feel what you feel, and I am trying to honor my mom by being a good mom myself.
Sometimes I write stuff down. Writing it down helps to articulate exactly what I feel.
Eve’s advice is good: there is a dear old lady down the street from me who still has so much to offer the world; we visit/chat sometimes and it helps both of us.
Would you feel up to doing something to honor your mom’s memory? Did she have a charity, or school or garden club that you could donate time or funds to?
Would doing something she enjoyed feel good to you? Did she make you pb&j sammiches and take you to the beach for sunset instead of “real” dinner when dad was out of town?
What do you love because of her? Do you love reading because she read to you? Could you go and read or purchase some books to drop off at a children or teen center?
Was she a fitness mom that would have loved the idea of you and her talking a walk or a jog together?
Was there something she “mothered” you about that you never took care of? Is it something you could do? Like eat your carrots?
Did she have a dear old friend that would be surprised to have a call or an anonymous potted plant delivered thanking for an old friendship?
I meant to add that I am sorry for your loss. I can’t claim to understand how you feel as my mom is still living. However, I also feel a deep sadness on mothers day since the death of a young son also about ten years ago. I don’t think there is anything anyone could “do” to ease my sadness, but I would be greatly touched if anyone remembered him to me tomorrow. Maybe shared my sadness by mentioning that they miss his smile or remembering that he had my eyes and laugh.
Ack. Made myself cry. Sorry, not helping here. I’ll wrap things up with saying that I’m glad you had a good mom and sorry you’re missing her.
AbbySthrnAccent I’m sorry for your loss also. When my mother passed away (she was 63 at the time), my grandmother was 89. It was the only time I ever saw my grandmother cry. And this woman had been widowed twice (long before I was born).
I think I’m going to try to call my aunt (my mom’s sister) tonight. Then after I get back from work, I’m going to go through some of my mom’s old photo albums from when she was young. I’ll probably scan a few and email some of them out to my brothers.
I actually did make a charitable donation last year in both of my parents name to create a small scholarship at my college alma mater last year. After the unpleasant situation at the cemetery, I thought I would put my parents back together in something that would give back something.
I don’t think we ever get over losing our parents no matter how long ago they passed away. It has been 12 years for me.
I try not to make a big deal out of these days and just treat them like any other day. I really find that works best for me though there has been some good suggestions posted here.
Fathers day is the one that gets me. My son’s father died when he was a baby. Fathers day makes me really sad but my son is ok cause he never really knew his dad but I get depressed as hell.
What helps me is going somewhere that was a special place and doing a “I remember when…” trip. It has got to the point where my son says “mum I know that, you told me before”. I like that. Makes me feel we are all connected.
Visiting places is a good thing. Even if they are kinda silly places…one of ours is the zoo.
Thanks for everyone’s advice. Strangely enough it was yesterday, the day before Mother’s Day, that was bad. But I felt better once I got home, ate dinner, called my aunt, and such.
I went through some old photos of my mom and found two of her taken on a trip back in the 1950s posing by signs pointing out geographic features (one was an altitude sign and another marked the Continental Divide). It made me realize how my brothers and I got our predilection for visiting such places and getting our pictures taken. (There is a nice photo of me at the Arctic Circle) And in a few weeks, I’m going to be the first one of my brothers to go south of the equator. Not that I will be stopping by the Equator for a photo.
