Come on you homosexual demon!

From ABC the report on an attempt to cure gayness by exorcising the homosexual demon responsible for the problem.

While it’s far from clear to me that this is actionable legally, and I know I shouldn’t laugh because this kind of idiocy causes real pain to those living through it, I couldn’t help myself. The notion that being gay is caused by being possessed by a homosexual demon, and that this demon is powerful enough to make its host desire sexual contact with those he would otherwise be utterly indifferent to, sexually speaking… and yet this powerful demon will depart because he’s told to do so is… well… pretty funny to me.

Not funny to the kid, of course, and my heart goes out to him. But… c’mon. “Come on you homosexual demon!” Yeah! That’ll do it!

Ooh, I know this story! Jesus addresses the demons who reply, “They call me Steve, for we are fabulous.” Then Jesus casts out the demons, they enter a passing herd of swine, and then immediately rush into a nearby warehouse to have a huge foam party.

Elsewhere in the news, it’s hard finding people to perform exorcisms of “medieval superstition” demons.

That’s a meta-exorcism. Takes years of training, and when you’re done, you don’t want to do it anymore.

Maybe we can get Bobby Jindal to do it.
BTW, what are the charges against the church? Unlawful casting out? Forcible exorcising? Removing the demon of a minor? The kid asked for the exorcism, so it wasn’t against his will. I don’t geddit.

Where are all the straight demons possessing cute girls making them want to have sex with overweight, overworked, older men?

Great. Now it isn’t just girls who don’t want me, it’s demons too.

Well, everytime I’ve heard this (namely from my mother) I’ve enquired why it’s so hard to see this demon in people earlier on in life so as to shoo him along. I mean, c’mon, it’s a gay demon. Surely it would be obvious from the fantastic hair and impeccable outfits. It’s no run of the mill demon; a manicured, pretty demon would surely stand out. It most assuredly would be exorcising (sorry) itself at the local gym anyway.

I just don’t buy it!

That would be the act of a loving and powerful god.

Well, wherever they are I think it’s safe to assume they exist somewhere other than in Catholic Priests.

Much as I hate to admit it, probably not with respect to the cute girls.

Don’t know, but if you find them be sure to hook me up as well, ehe?

Exorcising without a properly stamped state license I suppose.


The person who said that has clearly been reading too many Chick tracts.

No. All for me!

Available from the Customs and Excorcise Division, I assume.

Didn’t Job appreciate his life and family and possessions that much more after being tested?

You were taught not to confuse
the pink palace and iron rods
blown a few steel reeds
Come on you raper,
you sower of queer seeds,
Come on your fabulous
bhutsecks gay partners
and Come on you homosexual demon!

Is that the followup to “Come On Eileen” by Dexys Midnight Runners? “Come On You Homosexual Demon” is going to have a different beat.

I think that was supposed to be the lost verse of “Shine on you crazy diamond”.

It doesn’t appear on the video, but I’m sure they knew it was a homosexual demon because they commanded it to name itself. Demons are required to answer truthfully when asked to name themselves, provided you demand it in the name of Jesus. I was taught this by my pastor when I was about 14. Really.

Yeah, and cops have to tell you if they’re cops if you ask them three times.

That was my thought, too.

Here I just thought the post title sounded like an awkward cheer. The song version is much better!