I think that Americans are crap at comebacks [go on prove me wrong] They have a tendancy to get really annoyed ('oh yeah! OH YEAH! and 'Yo momma so fat etc.) wheras English people are better because they remain calm, which gives the impression that you were not riled in any way by what they just said.
One of the best comebacks I ever heard was by Winston Churchill:
A Woman : Winston, you are drunk, terribly drunk.
Winston: And madam you are ugly, terribly ugly, but in the morning I shall be sober.
This really happened to me. Years ago, I was at a bar. Guy next to me, I’ve never seen him before, taps me on the shoulder and says “wanna fuck?” I said “no”, and he went on telling his friends what a great line it was. I finished my drink and headed out the door, but tapped him on the shoulder on my way out “Excuse me, but if you’re having that hard of a time getting laid, I suggest you go in a corner and quietly masturbate, I hear that works rather well”. I left to the sound of all of his friends laughing at him.
Another one: I worked at a fast food joint, manager (Mike) was about 30, all the employees were 16 - 19 (I was 18). After the place closed one night, he came out to me in the dining room said “Hey, I’ve got a present for you in the back room” and back there, all the other employees were there waiting, while he displayed a hot dog stuck in the slicer machine. I said “Thanks, Mike, that’s awfully nice, but won’t you be needing that tonight?” He left me alone after that.
Huh? I don’t get it. Was he coming on to you with this? How? What is it supposed to mean? He wants to slice a weiner with you? He would cut off his weiner for you? I’m missing something.
He was 30 +. The rest of the crew were like 16 years old. I never asked him exactly what he meant, but I felt from the fact that the object in question was vaguely penis like, and that he’d called the rest of the crew back to “witness” my humiliation/embarassment, it was some type of sexual innuendo, since I was the only “college” student there.
He was, in addition to being a slob, sexist jerk, not very amusing or clever either.
