There is a bit of history behind the story above. A couple years ago we were going out to eat in a crowded part of town, and were circling a parking lot in search of a space. A car pulled out of a spot directly in front of us, and I put on my signal to indicate my intent to enter that space once vacated.
Well, before I could blink, a huge truck rounds the corner and barrels into the spot right as I put my foot on the gas to move toward it. It was about as blatant an act of parking-space-poaching I have ever witnessed. Both my wife and I were furious, and as we drove on to find another spot, she absently flipped a bird in the air. It was kind of an offhand gesture, sort of like throwing your hands up in frustration, and neither of us even knew the driver of the truck had witnessed it. It was dark out, after all.
After circling a couple more times, we snagged a spot (though it wasn’t nearly as nice as the one that was poached from us) and ambled toward the restaurant, having agreed to dismiss the earlier affront in an effort to have an unblemished evening. Suddenly, right next to us comes a booming voice:
“Was that your girl who flipped me off?!?”
Instant anger welled up in me. The poaching incident was galling enough, but what I perceived to be a threatining comment directed toward my wife sent me instantly ballistic. With a level of venom in my voice that surprised even myself after I spoke, I practically hissed:
“No, you prick, I flipped you off, so you leave her the fuck out of it.”
The man I was adressing was big. Very, very big. I and I am very not big.
He looked mighty surprised, sort of like an oversized Rottweiler might react to an irate Jack Russel terrier. That surprise turned to something else fairly qickly…
“What in the Hell did you just say to me?”
Oh boy. Ohhhh shit, this is bad, I thought. What did I just say? I said…yep, that’s what I just said, didn’t I.
It must have taken a long time for the reality of my imminent demise to sink in, because the guy looked indignantly incredulous, after sizing me up, and sneered “What, are you crazy, you little idiot?”
“No, I’m not crazy,” was all I could think of to say.
Thank the lucky stars for female significant others. I didn’t even notice he had his girlfriend or whatever with him, just as I had lost conscious track of my stunned wife pulling at my arm to walk away. I was transfixed. I couldn’t help it. Deer-in-the-headlights.
“C’mon, don’t”, she said, looking annoyed and pulling at his jacket.
“You better fucking watch yourself,” was his parting shot, as they strolled off to the restaurant my wife and I suddenly were no longer going to.
“Thanks for sticking up for me,” my wife said, after walking a few minutes in silence, “but you are crazy. Don’t ever do that again.”
I nodded and said nothing more about the subject.
