Commercials That Suck Ass, Mid-August 2006 Edition

It’s time to bitch and moan to no-one in particular about the crap TV viewers must endure every eight minutes or so…

…and yes, Head-On bothers everyone… so we’ll skip that one.

  1. The ads for the movie “Accepted”: the film has this fat kid who commits two party fouls: a) he screams like a bitch for like 30 seconds in what appears to be a “funny” scene, and b) he has this stupid fucking line: “ask me about my wiener!” as he wears a hot dog costume. Hey, editors? It’s not even a funny line. More importantly, if you’re hawking this as one of the comedic highlights of the films… I’ll pass, thank you.

  2. Levi’s “Walk The Line” commercial: self-absorbed hipsters walk across the city in a straight line, to the chagrin of other inhabitants. First, The Verve did this in “Bitter Sweet Symphony” and it was cool then… these fools look like assholes playing the adult version of “step on a crack, break your mama’s back.” Second, the woman has the possessed look on her face and is walking way too fast. At one point she’s walking on a table in a fuckin’ library… I think she made a turn somewhere. I would have tripped her ass.

  3. Cingular “dropped call” ad: there are several variants of this one, but the one that bugs the crap out of me is the one with the pseudo-French (?) chef who orders pork and gets dropped by his network. First up, the accent grates… I have no idea where he is supposed to be from but it sounds like the most phony Euro accent ever. Then he points to his head in fury about his network dropping his precious call with A BIG FUCKING KNIFE to his dome. It should really be a PSA about being careful with sharp objects.

The commercial world needs taking down a peg… have at it, y’all!

OMG, how could I forget this horrible campaign for Old Navy… they’re determined to make the word “fashion” “fash on.” As in, “we’re gonna get our fash on.” The spot has a Li’l Kim-esque rapper urging us to “run and tell our cuz-on, we’re going to get our fash-on.” Anyone who utters this phrase in an attempt to be cool will no doubt be bludgeoned to death by anyone within earshot.

I love Johnny Cash’s song “Walk the Line,” and I’m usually fond of covers by female singers interpreting songs associated with male singers (and vice versa), but I just don’t care for the cover version in that commercial at all, and it’s the kind of thing I normally would be all over.

Maybe we need to start asking whether commercial advertising has any legitimate place in the media at all.

Dr. Z, in car ads. Is it Chrysler? I think the doofus Hemi guy is in one of them.

The Hummer campaign where they try to convince you that everything wrong with your life will be cured if you buy a Hummer. Only one kind of hummer will make you feel good, and you don’t need an engine for it.

The ad for Helio, where the girl gets mad at her parents because they call her boyfriend’s cell phone a cell phone. “It’s a Helio! Waaaaaah!”

The funniest thing about the commercial for Accepted is that the name of the fictional college that is thought up as the plot point of the film is the South Harmon Institute of Technology. I like that because it’s a joke that makes you think. I hope they don’t point out the acronym in the film and let the audience figure it out themselves- although, seeing as it appears to be part of the crazy/horny/slacker teen genre, they probably will say it.

Exactly the same sentiment here. Can’t stand that one, was the first thing that popped into my head when I saw the OP.

“Simpsons” did it (i.e., Springfield Heights Institute of Technology)!

  1. All ads which feature losers as protagonists (typically, youngish guy, longish hair, “I’m a little f***-up but I’m cute” shit-ass grin).

  2. All ads whose subtext is that real men are powerless and it’s crappy women using their sexual tricks that emasculate us, but this car and/or hamburger will make us butch again.

Can’t come up with specific ads because these are ubiquitous and I’ve taken to reading a book during comercials in order to avoid having them contaminate my brain.

Those drive (heh) me crazy too, and they are on all the time. But I do have one question: WTF is a “Hemi?”

A hemi is basically an internal combustion engine in which the combustion spaces that are above the cylinder heads but below the spark plugs are hemispherical. Contrast the hemi engine with the flathead design.

The Hemi

Incidentally, the current “Hemi” is pretty much just a big ol’ BS Marketing ploy: recent thread.

Oh, and Hippy Hollow gave the commercial I was going to say. Absolutely makes me weep for the language.

I knew that. The Simpsons do a lot of things! Oh yeah!

Hmm, I find his pseudo accent kinda hot. :stuck_out_tongue:

I loathe and detest the whole crop of Charter Cable commericals in rotation right now. They aren’t annoying in any particular way but it just seems like Charter got all the actors from the same discount acting company and they all suck. Example, stereotypical busy mom talking about how much she saves using Charter: “Savings? Please! (rolls eyes dramatically) I’m a shopper. I know savings.”

I also hate the lazy woman who was glad she now had the option to block sites her son liked to visit instead of, you know, actually parenting her kid. Come to think of it, I think that might have actually been a Charter commerical too.

One of the feminine protection type commercials; I think it’s Stayfree (yea, the folks that brought us the slogan “have a happy period!”). A young woman is standing in front of the dizzying plethora of feminine napkins in the store (and yeah, it really is dizzying) and another woman approaches her and asks “Does your current pad leave you feeling wet and sticky?” Umm, excuse me. I think if someone approached me like that in a store, I’d call security.

Me, I’d prefer that they stop dancing around this stuff, and come right out with it in these commercials: “Stayfree. Sops up blood like nothin’ else out there!” That’s a commercial I could have respect for.

I think that when they first ran this ad, they didn’t explain who Dr Z was at all. But now, there is text onscreen identifying him by name and title. Does anyone remember this?

As for other ads, there’s a really annoying one for the Gap that has this really throbbing bass beat. The problem is that my local stations run this ad during the morning news, so I hear this at 6:30am when I’m only partly awake, and the throbbing in the commercial conflicts with the throbbing in my head at that hour.

And regarding "South Harmon Insitute of Technology in the movie Accepted, I had heard that Stevens Institute of Technology in Hoboken, NJ was once known as Stevens-Hoboken Institute of Technology, but it’s probably just an urban legend.

Re: the Walk the Line commercial. I actually like this cover song, anyone know who sings it? :smiley:

Re: Dr. Z: I love these commercials, especially the radio one where the guy calls in to ask “Does that thing have a Hemi?” and after Dr. Z goes through his thing, the caller replies with “No, I was talking about the MUSTACHE! HAHAHA!” and Z makes a comment about this new technology called “Caller ID”. Guess I’m just more economically amused than my fellow Dopers. :slight_smile:

But back to the topic of whining about annoying commercials, I don’t much care for the “Boys from the Men” Sonic commercial for whatever the heck they were selling (knowing Sonic, it was probably a Slushy). If a passenger in my car acted that way at a drive-thru, he’d find himself needing to call for a ride home.

Also, Mac commercials. I don’t really need to say more here, do I?

Ask about our Latin motto contest!

Can’t have a suck-ass commercials thread without mentioning that headache-inducing spot for Head-On.

…which was mentioned in the OP :dubious: