Completey random movie quotes

“You’re a dick.”

“We’re in the pipe. Five by five.”

“Does anyone have any missiles left?”

“I am NOT a committee!”

“In order to speak with an equal an Irishman is forced to converse with the Almighty!”


“Scary, scary! Don’t we look mean?”

“Nonsense. You’re just saying that because it’s never been done.”

“Someone wake up Hicks.”

“I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.”

“You dress in the manner of a male prostitute!”

“Is there air? You don’t know!”

“I must speak with the dolphins now.”

“Nice F***in’ model!”

“I saved Latin. What did you ever do?”

Alright, I give. what movie is that from? I’m 99% sure it’s a movie I’ve seen plenty of times, I just remember what the hell it is.

Oh yeah…

“Insane people. Do not explode. When sunlight hit’s them. I don’t HOW crazy they are.”


“We wanted this to be easy, we wanted no trouble, but unfortuantely Mr. Tokumora disagreed. So he won’t be joing us, for the rest of, his life.”

There’s a family with kids. Do the kids and make the mother watch. Tell her you’ll stop if she can hold back her tears. I owe her that.

Shut up, you American. You Americans, all you do is talk, and talk, and say “let me tell you something” and “I just wanna say.” Well, you’re dead now, so shut up.

This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let’s not bicker and argue about who killed who.

  • I’d rather spend the afternoon in a Turkish bath with my mother than go to the dratted dentist!*

*I made Louis take me on Crusade. I dressed my maids as Amazons and rode bare-breasted halfway to Damascus. Louis had a seizure and I damn near died of windburn, but the troops were dazzled. *

Thy mother mated with a scorpion.

These men have a supreme vow of celibacy, like their fathers, and their fathers before them.

You know those five thousand ships the Allies don’t have? Well, they have them!

*- He said “oil can.”

  • Oil can what?*

If frogs couldn’t hop, I’d be gone with the Schwinn

Sir! Sir! Here’s a good stick to beat the lovely lady!

Oh, you mean THIS gate key.

Tim, let me tell you about my life in the Big Apple. I’ve got Hamlet’s ghost on the phone for an hour every night complaining that Polonius is sucking sourballs through his speeches. Gertrude is off every afternoon doing a soap, and Claudius is off doing a commercial for Gallo wine. Hamlet himself, would you believe, has come down with a psychological problem.

*- What’s wrong with being called English? The English don’t seem to mind.

  • Nor would, I, were I given the rights of an Englishman. But to call me one without those rights is like calling an ox a bull…he’s thankful for the honor, but he’d much rather have restored what is rightfully his.
  • When did you first notice they were missing, sir?*

Oh, me life flashed before me eyes. It was really boring.

Do you mind if we dance wif yo dates?

There are only four questions of value in life, Don Octavio. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same: only love.

Women are irrational, that’s all there is to that! Their heads are full of cotton, hay and rags! They’re nothing but exasperating, irritating, vacillating, calculating, agitating, maddening and infuriating hags!

Soitainly. You take the blonde, I’ll take the one in the toiban.

We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!

# There’s only two things in this world that a ‘real man’ needs: a cup of coffee and a good smoke.

This young man has had a very trying rookie season, with the litigation, the notoriety, his subsequent deportation to Canada and that country’s refusal to accept him, I guess that’s more than most 21-year-olds can handle. Number 6, Ogie Oglethorpe.

As long as there’s, you know, sex and drugs, I can do without the rock and roll.

It is so difficult to make a neat job of killing people with whom one is not on friendly terms.

I am a musician and the monkey is a businessman. He doesn’t tell me what to play, and I don’t tell him what to do with his money.

“You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker?”

It’s almost, but not quite, a quote from Wayne’s World. (The word is “frighten”, not “scare”.)

Tokumora??? Perhaps you refer to Takagi?

Anyhow, I contribute: “Malignant this, tool”.


How do they know where we’re going?

Hold on tightly, let go lightly.

“Say Boys! Lookit what I got here!”
“Where da white women at?”

“D’you know, I’d almost forgotten what your eyes look like. They’re still the same, piss holes in the snow.”

“Remember what we did to Jello Biafra?”

Gentlemen, this is the war room, you can’t fight in here!


“You don’t want to hang me on a hook, Johnny. My father hung me on a hook once. Once.”

“I wish you’d stop circling me. It’s like talking to a top!”

“Do it… Do it and I’ll fucking spank you!”

“I enjoy being afraid of Russia. It’s a harmless fear, but it makes America feel better, and Russia gets an inflated sense of national worth from our paranoia.”

“You’re flunking English. That’s your mother tongue, and stuff.”

“Why, I make more money than - than - than Calvin Coolidge. Put together!”

“It’s good to be the king.”

“This movie has warped my fragile little mind!”

The Kevin Smith Lineup


“What, like the back of a Volkswagon?”

“Well, look at this morose motherfucker right here… smells like someone shit in his cereal… nooch”

“You mean the movie lied?!?!?!”