Context: I am a 27-year-old happily ‘married’ lesbian.
[list=1]
[li]I cannot ride a bicycle despite years of trying.[/li]
[li]I only learned how to blow bubbles (with gum, you know) last year.[/li]
[li]I only learned how to whistle this year. And I’ve been actively trying to learn since I was 6.[/li]
[li]TMI Alert! However, just so you don’t think I’m a totally talentless person, let me say that I can perform deep throat, although there is just about zero chance I’ll ever use this skill again. And sometimes I actually think, wow, what a waste.[/li]
[li]I have basically stopped using preview. I used it religiously for the first 50 posts and then…laziness took hold. I know I will suffer for this in the end.[/li]
[li]I follow entertainment news religiously, and find it much more interesting than, for example, politics.[/li]
[li]I just bought, and played, a (used) Bonnie Tyler CD, for the song ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart.’ I’ve confessed to this elsewhere, but I still can’t forgive myself, so here goes again. Oh, and I have other shameful music items, including: a best-of REO Speedwagon and a Bloodhound Gang CD entitled ‘Hooray for Boobies.’ And I listen to both of 'em about the same amount.[/li][/list=1]
Okay, that’s enough. I still have to preserve some mystique. Actually, I think mystique is a lost cause and am now just trying to maintain some semblance of dignity.
Oh ho! So the “broken car” was just an excuse for non-attendance at the Michigan DopeFest,eh? 
We’ve got your number now, Mister!
More confessions:
- I grew up a fundamentalist Christian; it’s only been in the last 2 years that I’ve left the fundie part behind.
- I’ve never smoked pot or done any kind of illegal drug.
- I used to tease the mentally retarded kids in 6th grade and I’m ashamed of that.
- I take a lot of college classes at my local community college but still don’t have any kind of degree as I take wildly disparate classes that don’t add up to anything.
- I jump into things with both feet and then drop them (i.e. I took piano lessons and bought a really nice new piano. I stopped lessons a year later. I’m still paying off the piano, 3 years later).
- I was a virgin until I was 23 and got married.
**
No, actually, that was true.
Besides, my shrink recommends immersion therapy for my irrational fear of Michigan Dopers, anyway. 
I confess that I had no idea this thread would actually grow beyond about 5 posts when I started it.
Oh, man, I know I’m going to offend a few people here…
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I hate kids. When I was 19 and told people I never wanted to have kids, they said, “oh, you will when you’re older.” I’m 29 now and my dislike of kids has only grown stronger.
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I hate dogs. I mean, I really hate them. You know, like some people hate cats enough to buy bumper stickers that say, “Lost your cat? Check under my tires!” That’s me, but with dogs.
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I have no work ethic - I’m a slacker, and proud of it. If you knew how little work I did each day, you’d puke. And I’m paid well, too.
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I love porn. I love everything about it. I love it to the point that I’m seriously considering ditching my current job and going into the internet porn business.
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I can’t help but stare at some of my girlfriend’s daughter’s friends. They’re all around 14 and some of them are so hot that it hurts. And they’re all pretty fond of showing themselves off, too. Don’t worry, folks, I’d never do anything more than look under any circumstances, but I’m not about to stop looking.
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I lived in Broward County in Florida during the last election and didn’t vote (and I would have voted for Gore). I was too lazy to go register.
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I don’t frequent the SDMB much because the system’s so goddamned slow.
WB, that is horrible and you should be ashamed of yourself! [sub]I do it too. I’m so glad I’m not the only one.[/sub]
~I love reality TV shows. I watched both Survivors, I watch Big Brother, I watched Boot Camp. I even watched Temptation Island. I am so ashamed…
~I love country music, and I don’t know why that’s something to be ashamed of.
~I also love Old Country Buffet. And those Chinese food buffet places.
~I’ve never seen Citizen Kane, Gone With The Wind, or Casablanca. And I don’t know if I want to because I’m afraid they can never live up to my expectations now.
~I have shaved my husband’s chest (with his permission) with the secret hope that the hair would come in thicker. It didn’t. I’m kinda bummed about that.
~I am addicted to All My Children. I’ve watched it since I was nine years old, and I love it!
~I’ve seen Forrest Gump several times, and have cried every time I’ve seen it.
~I’m Catholic and I don’t understand why people don’t like Christians. I have no problems with other people’s beliefs, so I don’t understand why someone would have a problem with mine.
~I don’t post in GD more because I’m not good at debating and I’m afraid I’ll come off looking like an idiot.
~I have an anxiety disorder which causes me to get freaked out in social situations sometimes. I don’t even like buying my own cigarettes because that would mean I’d have to talk to a stranger.
I know someone who refers to watching tv Sundays at 8 as “church.”
Now that you know that, you can continue…
I washed my hair today, and because I have a stack of laundry that’s taller than me, I have no clean towels so I grabbed a towel that I really need to wash to dry my hair with. Gee, I wonder if using that dirty towel negates my washing my hair?
I love the feel of the sun on my skin, and somedays when it rains and I’m safe and warm and snug in my house I love that too.
I LOVE the way Southern accents sound and vary. I could just sit and listen to Southerners talk all day. It’s just a comforting, familiar, nice sound.
I’m too lazy to care that I’m really lazy.
I think I’m one of the most beautiful people I know.
I killed a perfectly harmless, innocent spider the other day because I was too lazy to escort him outside the house. I still feel guilty and get nauseated at the memory of that poor bug’s guts spread all over the floor. [shudder]
I really get a kick out of acting silly and getting into mischief, and I love it when my friends come up to my level. Life’s short and people are too goddamned serious all the time.
I’m determined that although I am a responsible adult and relatively productive citizen, I’m still never going to grow up.
Posting to this board is fun, but I find I enjoy writing and receiving emails MUCH better.
I REALLY want to take a nap right now so I’m going to close the door to my office and pretend that I’m not here and catch a few ZZZZs.
Y’all have a good day.
list=1][li]I speed almost everywhere I drive. 80 is perfectly normal on the highway.[/li][li] [/li][quote]
** Shadowfox**-I have never seen “Casablanca” or “Gone With the Wind”, and I really don’t care if I ever do.
[/quote]
Right there with you, and I just rented The Graduate 'cuz I’ve never seen that, either.
Ha, I was engaged to one and we used to have sex two or three times a day. She would mug me when I would make dinner and give me head in front of the oven.
[li]In high school, I used to shoplift CD’s and books. A lot. I saw a councilor about it for a few weeks in college. Fate got back at me when my apartment was burgled my Senior year of college. I’ve been “clean” for many, many years, though.[/li][li]I had friends that used to pee in shampoo bottles and stuff at parties and I never said anything to them about it.[/li][quote]
MikeG and** BunnyGirl**- I [often] fantasize about my ex[s]. I still fantasize about certain (snip) Dopers…
[/quote]
Yup and yup. More so, lately.
[li]I’ve never read “The Grapes of Wrath,” “Catcher in the Rye,” “A Tale of Two Cities,” “David Copperfield” or many many of the “classics”[/li][li]I swear way too much and have been saying that I’ve been trying to cut back, but I haven’t one damn bit.[/li][li]I have rebuilt some of my CD collection (honestly this time) and have disks in alphabetical order so W.A.S.P. is sitting next to Yanni is sitting next to Yes and Sinatra is sitting next to Sinead O’Connor is sitting next to Suicidal Tendencies.[/li][li]I love playing NTN trivia because I almost always beat anyone I’m with and usually win or come in second where ever I am.[/li][li]If I didn’t worry about the weight I’d put on, I’d eat pasta for every meal.[/li][li]I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a binge drinker. There is a difference.[/li][li]For every job I’ve taken, I’ve turned down at least two others that paid more because the job wasn’t as good, but I secretly wish I could have had the money.[/li][li]I play the Ohio SuperLotto whenever it gets above 16 million dollars because the odds are past breakeven then (1 in 11 or 12 million odds, IIRC)[/li][li]I tell people I don’t know why I joined the Marines, but I think I did it because I was completely burnt out after three years of Mech. Eng. in college and since I had been mentioning it for a while I thought it was time to put up or shut up. Also, I’d never really had any sort of challenge in my life and I think I thought this would be a good one. I really don’t know, though.[/li][li]I shaved because I knew it would get the attention of certain Dopers. Only ten (10) people I know IRL know about it, but I like bringing it up, so to speak, in posts.[/li][li]I’m kinda disappointed I didn’t get the Prince Albert, but not too much so.[/li][li]I don’t think I want children and have been thinking about getting snipped.[/li][li]I like talking about how much I and my friends earn, even though its supposedly tacky.[/li][li]I went to my 10-year reunion last weekend because I knew I looked a lot better than I did years ago and I wanted to rub it in since HS popularity was so much about the physical and not the mental.[/li][li]I also wanted to lord the greatness of single life over all the married jocks that never left home and still work for their parents or friends and have never “gotten a life.”[/li][li]I also went with my friend, Mandy, who used to be a “bookworm & geek” but now is incredibly attractive (by society’s standards)and has developed a smokin’ body. She’s the same girl she always was, but now all the “jocks” and people like that can see her the way many of us non-jocks (I ran cross-country and played rugby, not “popular people” sports) did years ago. (Almost nobody recognized her, many asked if she was my wife or date and were totally surprised when I introduced her. She had a crowd around her all night.)[/li][li]I’ve planned activities around watching certain tv shows (ie: I’ll go out after such-and-such or make sure I’m home before something comes on.) Yes I have a VCR and I know how to work it, I just prefer watching shows at the time they are on sometime.[/li][li]I’m going to try out for Survivor! 4 even though the only response I’ve gotten from 1-3 was a single call-back on 1.[/li][li]I was baptized and confirmed Catholic, but I’ve not been to church in about ten years (except for during Boot Camp, but that a different story.) I don’t think I consider organized religion to be a good thing.[/li][li]I know how to cook very well and can sew and cross-stitch and think these are very worthwhile traits, but when I tell someone I can do them, I always back them up with “…but I was also a Marine and I can kill you, so no ‘manly’ cracks.”[/li][/list=1]
That’s more than enough for now.
I always catch coding errors the moment after I hit reply, but even previewing doesn’t help as I usually will make “just one more little change” after previewing that will screw up everything.
/hijack with story/
This was the absolutely best thing that happened at my 10-year reunion. I was the average-looking, bookish but friendly girl in high school and never dated anyone until my senior year (even then it was a junior). I’d had a bad crush on a guy named Ken for a while during HS. Nice guy, just always had a girlfriend or something. At the reunion, he was talking with someone that I had been friends with and so I went up to join the conversation. He didn’t recognize me (I didn’t think I’d changed that much), looked at my nametag, gave me a literal up-n-down look, and said, with big eyes, “MICHELLE??!!” God, it was worth every penny I spent driving up from Tennessee! It’s supported my ego for, lo, these many years now. 
You sound like my dad. Trust me, that’s a compliment! Except he was a SeaBee (CB=Construction Batallion in the Navy).
well i’ve thought of more…
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i lie often and with skill. im proud of that.
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i spend almost all my free time on this computer and at the straight dope, slow conncection and all.
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i suck at meeting new people. my mind goes blank when im around people im not totally comfortable with, and so i never know what to say. i also usually dont approach people unless they talk to me first.
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i have a mildly sick mind…
-i get angry at really stupid people, but im like that a lot of the time myself.
i know there are many more i can add and i will probably do that when i think of them
I’ve never seen American Beauty. But I refuse to believe that Thora Birch, that sweet little girl who played Sally Ryan in the movie versions of Tom Clancy’s books, is old enough to take her shirt off on screen.
Or maybe I just refuse to believe that I’m aging. Oy.
The first time I ever voted (in 1980) I got caught up in the excitement of it all.
I temporarily lost my mind and…yes, voted for Reagan.
I’m sorry.
[list]
[li]Over 50% of the stuff I tell my parents is a lie. It has to be–they’re insane![/li]
[li]I still have boxes of Christmas decorations sitting in my office that I haven’t put back into storage.[/li]
[li]I enjoy kissing my dog on the nose only because it’s cold and wet and feels good.[/li]
[li]I’m pregnant.[/li]
[li]I play Neopets on-line in my spare time.[/li]
[li]I really like most Adam Sandler movies.[/li]
I steal pens from work all the time. Although, it’s not really stealing since the are give-aways by the pharmaceutical companies but I feel somewhat guilty anyway.
OMG!!
Check your email in a few minutes!
Hello!
:eek:
:o
Aside: I knew there was a reason I decided to give up my lurker status
Oh, and congrats evilbeth!
I don’t like driving. I’d rather ride my bike.
Despite being a fitness freak, I eat very poorly. I’m talking daily McDonalds trips.
Even though I tell people that being really tall sucks, I love it. A lot. And I wish I was far taller. And thicker. Ideally I’d be 8’0" and weigh something like 750lbs (muscle, of course).
I own two Spice Girls CDs. I don’t know why.
I absolutely, entirely, CANNOT abide by quiet. I need noise, of some kind or another, or I go nuts.
If I could have any job I wanted, I’d be a world-travelling adventurer, seeking out ancient artifacts in enormously dangerous situations, always carrying my giant sword and avoiding death by a margin so narrow that it inspires awe in all people who know my name. This goes along with #3.
I wish my real name was Mnementh. No last name.
I am not afraid to die. I don’t wish for it, but I anticipate it, only to know what’s beyond the veil.
I wish I could get into a lot more fights. My entire family, everyone, is entirely pacifist, but I’m a warhorse. Noone knows where I get it from, and only Ramoth knows about it to any extent. And I don’t think even she understands the depths of it.
Actually, she wasn’t…really. From the imdb:
evilbeth, congratulations! And how dare you slip that news in there like that. How sneaky…