The other day at work a nurse was talking about a date she went on. I wasn’t involved in the conversation but listened anyway. The nurse was Nurse Nimrod from this post:
She and her date went to the pool for their second date. Some other people said that they would not want to go swimming for a second date because you’re basically naked and look like a drowned rat. Nimrod replied “have you seen me in a bikini? I was the cutest thing in that pool”.
My first thought was wishing I could have confidence like that because she is not what would be considered traditionally attractive. She’s very large, taller than most men and significantly overweight. She has very thick glasses and a skin condition that makes her skin quite pink.
I am also overweight by about 25 pounds and would never go to the pool for a second date because I would be waaaay too insecure of my body around somebody new. I can say with confidence that she would not be the cutest thing in a bikini in that pool but if she thinks she is, great. But is she confident or delusional?
That’s true. I hadn’t thought of that. She does honestly think she looks great even if she doesn’t. I do wonder what it’s like to feel that way about yourself. I’m my own worst enemy and have to actively remember not to engage in negative self talk.
Confidence is not caring what other people at the pool think because my date thinks I’m awesome.
Delusion is thinking that the other people at the pool think I look hot, despite the fact that I don’t possess our society’s commonly accepted “hot” attributes.
As also noted, it’s not anyone’s business what she looked like if she and her date had a good time.
Yeah this is zero about this that is bad. I wish I had that kind of confidence in my body image (and I’m a cishet guy who is not judged by society on such things to the same degree)
Sure some guys may not agree with her assessment of her body image but that would also be the case if she was a super model.
Though it has to be said (though my dating days are passed by about a decade at this point) a swimming pool does seem like a weird choice for second date.
I agree, if she thinks she looks great good for her. I’m just thinking out loud about the difference between how she views herself and how I view myself. We are worlds apart and I know without a doubt that if I was in a bikini I would not be cute by anybody’s definition.
That could be true. I have been known to not pick up on social cues. My first thought when she said it was “I wish I could have her confidence” but then when I applied it to myself I thought it wouldn’t be confidence, I would be delusional if I thought I looked awesome in a bikini.
A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.
If you’ve got it, flaunt it. If you don’t got it, flaunt it anyhow.
There are some things I got. Some I don’t. By flaunting them all I feel really good about myself. Is that delusional or confident? Hellifino. But it feels great!
ISTM confident is not someone who is a beautiful person being delusional about how they look. Think Phoebe Cates getting out of the pool in “Fast Times at Ridgemont High”. Doubtless she knew she was beautiful so maybe she was flaunting it…but that depends on circumstances. She’s in her own pool, not trying to impress anyone. Definitely not a drowned rat.
Confident is having a less than stellar body and being ok with it around a pool or at the beach. Guys seem to do this better than women (not caring and strutting their stuff around the beach when their physique might not merit it).
Unless you have seen her in a bikini, you don’t know. Very often the really curvy hourglass figure looks dumpy in clothing. Large breasts pull a shirt forward, and it just hangs down without 1950’s style darts to draw it back in about the waist. A tiny waist is just, well, wasted in modern clothing styles.
From 115 all the way to 220 lbs I can knock your socks off in a bathing suit. But anywhere above 165 regular clothes just make me look fat.
I was hoping people wouldn’t get hung up on the looks thing because that’s not really what the post was about. Obviously people don’t know my intentions just from what I write but there is no body shaming here. I am also overweight. I think people should wear whatever they are comfortable in and they have the right to.
If I say I’m the smartest person on this board and I really believe I am, does that make me confident or delusional? Trust me, I know I am in the bottom tier of intelligence compared to most people here.
I’m just trying to figure out if believing you’re something your not makes you confident or delusional.
Asking if someone is delusional for believing/feeling they are attractive when they don’t fit the social stereotype/expectation of attractiveness is pretty offensive.
This sounds exactly like body shaming. When you ask if someone is delusional in thinking they are attractive when they do not fit your definition of attractive is indeed body shaming. You are being critical of their physical body/features. You said:
And then asked:
My bold. That’s body shaming. Not to her face (I hope), but you’re being critical of her physical appearance.
More:
You, indeed nobody, gets to be an arbiter of her attractiveness. Well, I guess she does. But nobody else.
No, I’m sure she’s not delusional. People who are overweight are very aware of how they appear to others and how society perceives – and judges – their physical appearance. They know what’s in the mirror. They know the expectations that must be met to be conventionally “attractive” and how they fall short of those. If this overweight woman wore a bikini in public I’m sure she knew exactly how she appeared to other people and, hopefully, was simply confident in her own skin. Good for her.