I looking for funny one liners in this vein.
I’ve heard quite a few good ones along the way and would love to find out what fellow Dopers have to share.
I’ll start by offering the following.
Confucius say - Panties not best thing in world, panties next to best thing in world.
Man who goes to bed with itchy butt wakes up with stinky finger.
Confucius say-Man who lift heavy load alone is truss-worthy.
Confucius say man standing on toilet is high on pot.
Confucius say baseball is wrong - man with four balls cannot walk
Confucius say man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
I feel like at one point I knew another one about airport security but I have forgotten it.
Man standing in turnstyle going to Bangkok?
Not a general-interest knee-slapper, but it applies to us and all of our weekend-do-it-yourselfer friends:
Confucius say, man who finish house . . . die.
Confucius say, wise man do not play reapflog with unicorn.
Ling Po say “Confucius talk too much.”
Confucius say when big green man says “Leave Hulk alone”, leave him alone.
That was the one 
Woman who fly upside-down have hairy crack-up.
The version I’ve heard is “Man who walk through airport turnstyle sideways, going to Bangkok.”
Wow, you guys are slackers, I thought sure these would be here…
…man chased by car go to bed tired
…man who chase car go to bed exhausted
Man who eat many prunes sit on toilet many moons.
Confucius say: Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Confucius say, “He who stick face in punch bowl get punch in nose.”
Confucius say virginity is like a bubble – one prick and it’s gone forever!
Man on crowded dance floor dance cheek to cheek… with woman behind him.
Confucius say, build a man a fire, he will be warm for a few hours. SET a man on fire, he will be warm the rest of his life.
Confucius say, ‘You make fun of my pidgin English? You try speaking Chinese, round-eye!’