How did that joke go? Something about Euell Gibbons and blue balls?
For a second I read that as ‘long pig legs’ 
I’d quote from my copy of To Serve Man- but it’s still packed away. I bet Man Ears Seabright would go well on pizza.
Hellman Mayonnaise wasn’t invented by Hellboy after he grew up.
I noticed Mt. Olive pickles in the store, now I want Mt. Pickle olives.
Although Land cameras can be used on land they were actually named after it’s inventor.
Despite its name, masking tape should not be used for masking off portions of walls for painting. I learned that one the hard way.
There’s Just Egg, which contains many things that are not egg, but does not contain any egg. A lot of its branding seems to be intentionally confusing.
Sticking with the theme of “plant-based” products, I found myself confused a while back by one: I was looking for a veggie meat replacement of some kind on my grocery app and searched for “beyond meat” because that’s a brand of fake meat. I skimmed over the usual stuff: Beyond burgers, Beyond sausage, frozen meals with Beyond teriyaki chicken or whatever, and then saw it: Beyond wild Alaskan salmon. Ooooooh.
I was pretty excited for a moment. There are a couple veggie fish replacements and they’re not terrible, but I’d love to have an actual good one. And wild Alaskan salmon? I mean, weirdly specific, but sounds promising!
Then, I looked closer and realized… it wasn’t a plant-based salmon substitute from a brand known for doing pretty good fake meat after all.
It was cat food. Purina Beyond.
For a while Europeans called almost every novel fruit some variation on ‘apple’, as that was the most common one they knew I guess - pineapple, custard apple, love apple (tomato), pomme de terre, alligator pear (avocado), etc. I have to admit "Chinese Apples” is new to me though!
It was originally made by the Northern Paper Mills, in Green Bay, WI (my home town), so it was “northern” originally. Georgia-Pacific bought Northern’s parent company in 2005.
And Georgia Pacific, of course, is owned by Wichita-based Koch Industries.
That part of the US, including Illinois, was called the Northwest Territory* when it was being settled in the late 18th Century, especially before the Louisiana Purchase (which was immediately to its west). Something I learned in school a million years ago.
*Not to be confused with the Pacific Northwest.
An Apple Macintosh will do a piss-poor job of keeping you dry in a rainstorm, and could be a serious problem if you tried to use one that way whilst it was plugged in.
I looked for Apple Corporation products, but all they had were these Beatles records.
… whereas swallowing a Samsung tablet will not improve your health by the tiniest whit.
That would be Georgia-Pacific. That must be one long west coast.
(G-P is a company name)
The other day, someone smacked me in the head with a jar of mayo. I said, “What the hellman?”
Well, yellow mustard ain’t French. His accent is all wrong.
As a matter of fact, Mr. French the butler on Family Affair was English.
And French fries ain’t French either. Or belong to some lady named Julienne. Who might be French. But who the heck knows?
Kinder eggs are egg-shaped, but they contain no children.
They also don’t show any more compassion than regular eggs.
Super Glue is not from the planet Krypton.
Trix cereal contains no surprises.
Well, it is related to peas (also a legume), and it is treated as a nut.