Not to be blunt but I really don’t see where this guy was pursuing you. A guy who eyes you at work, or says he wanted to ask you out but didn’t, or makes a date but then bails, is not really in pursuit. A guy in pursuit isn’t going to be stopped by 1 day of a downed phone line, he’ll call Saturday at 5pm and say “Hey great your phone works now! Hope it’s all okay! Well I’m still up for that drink if you are??” I mean, once he knows you’ll go out with him he’ll follow through.
He asked for your number and then didn’t call. He really didn’t do anything that horrible, he just started something and then changed his mind. You can still go into his store, it’s unlikely he’s going to tell all the other employees how he got a customer’s phone number and then decided to go weird on her.
Well, sugar and spice, I guess you’ll just have to take my word for it. He was intent on asking me out from the first time he talked to me. When a man who’s interested in me tries to get me to like him enough, think he’s nice enough, etc… so that when he asks me out I will say “yes”, I consider that to be pursuing me,or chasing me, whatever you want to call it. There isn’t any confusion on my part as to what was going on for 3 months. Whenever I know a man will ask me out, he always does. So, my confusion doesn’t lie in what took place, it lies in why someone who was so interested would suddenly bail before he got what he had wanted for so long. It’s very strange. So much so that it makes me think that he is married and once this went from something he wanted to something that would happen for real he thought about the wife and getting caught, etc… and he stopped.
Also, after he lied to me with this weird, jerky, smirk on his face, he went into the back and sent somebody else out to ring up my order. Quite a lot of unexpected drama and not something that I’m interested in experiencing again. If this is how he behaves after standing somebody up, he probably shouldn’t be asking customers out at work. It would have been a lot more normal to do something like I’ve done before in situations like this. How about, “I realized that I don’t think I’m ready to date anybody right now, blah blah …” The drama and the Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde transformation was a little unsettling.
It happened the last time I saw him, which was a few days after the day of the date that never took place. I went into the store and got a couple of things that I needed and he walked up to me and started talking to me while I was still in one of the aisles. He was much more low key than normal, though. His mood was just what I call “flat”, which was very different from his normal mood around me. I was in the same kind of mood, actually.
Anyway, he asked me what I was up to that night and where I was going or headed to after I left there. (Something along those lines, which was just his standard thing he started saying to me on the first day he asked when he could take me out.) Then I answered him and I could see a slight look of concern on his face, around his eyes, like he could tell something was wrong. Then I said, “sorry about my phone being broken and it took a couple of days to rectify the situation…” before I could continue and mention how I thought this affected our date, etc… he interrupted me and said, “Oh, I haven’t called you yet. But, I will. I’ve just been really busy lately.” (That was the lie.)
Then his mood changed to more upbeat and the weird smirk emerged. He then said that he had been working a second part time job. I was going to ask him about the date. Did he call, did he stand me up, what happened? He didn’t give me a chance. He started talking very quickly at this point, saying something like, “well, gotta get going, talk to you later, see ya.” We had been walking up to the counter during this conversation. I had put down my things and he ended up behind the register. Then while he was blowing me off with what he said at the end, he turned and walked away from me and went into the back employee area of the store. Another worker came out a minute later to ring up my things.
First of all, he didn’t even mention the date, which I thought was strange. Second of all, what he said didn’t even make any sense. Obviously, if he hadn’t called before the date, he isn’t going to call after the date. So, for him to say he hadn’t called me “yet” doesn’t make sense. If he stood me up, there is no “yet.” No one would stand somebody up before the first date and then call the person later. Then for him to say that he “will” call me, what’s the point in trying to make me think that will happen? Just to confuse me more? It just seemed like he said something just to get the upper hand in the conversation and also to appease me in order to get out of the situation. His lies didn’t even make any sense.
Right msmith537, I don’t know what I would do if a man gave me his phone number and asked me to call him. Laugh and walk away, maybe? I mean, what kind of a guy would do that? They don’t want to leave the ball in the woman’s court. They never give me their number or ask me to call them back or tell me I can call them back if I want to, until after the 2nd date or so.
I would never want to learn how to approach a guy. I’ve never approached a guy and I would never want to. They like to do the approaching in the same way they like to ask me out and then get my number to call me before the date, as opposed to the other way around. Come to think of it, I’ve never had a guy ask me just for my number so that he can call me sometime, or someday. It’s always ask me out on a date for a specific day, doing a specific thing and then get my number to call to figure out what time he can pick me up or meet. I mean, it’s always something more serious that the guy is looking for. They’re always looking for a relationship. So, that’s one of the reasons it always takes them so long to ask me out. In other words, it’s never something casual, it’s always someone who’s looking for a girlfriend or wife. Once I know someone is interested in asking me out, if I’m interested in going out with him, I will always let him know that I like him, too and that I like everything that’s going on and of course always flirt back at him. I never just sit by passively, so to speak.
Another reason why it always takes them so long is because they’re scared. But, that doesn’t have anything to do with the way I behave, it has to do with how I look. Almost every day, about half a dozen times a day, (not that I keep track), men stare at my face with their mouths hanging open, followed by the double take, followed by the more rare turn around for one more look, almost walk into the wall, fall off the ladder, etc… I always try to act like I don’t notice this for the most part and not look directly at it because whenever I do, it usually makes them feel uncomfortable, even though I’m nice and friendly about it. The bad thing about that is, even if I’m responding to a man who will ask me out on a date eventually by smiling, flirting, etc… they’re still always scared and therefore it always takes them a very long time to ask me out on a date.
But, on the upside, I love my new phone! It’s the best phone I’ve ever owned. I went with the Droid Incredible. It’s just beautiful and the camera takes amazing pictures. The only downside is the battery doesn’t stay charged for very long though. Other than that it’s pretty awesome.
Reading stuff like this makes me happy I’m an old fart soon to celebrate my 25th anniversary. Alice - your description of things, including your perceptions, is quite foreign from anything I’m familiar with.
It certainly makes a case why “nice guys” typically finish last and why being a bit of a jerk to women actually works. Taking her comments at face value, for a women like alicenchains7, she is probably attractive enough for her community that she doesn’t need to worry about attracting guys. They just come up to her all the time. So if you aren’t a guy who has enough confidience to walk up and approach her, she probably won’t even know you exist.
In fact, I would imagine that it becomes a nusance after awhile, having guys come up to you all the time.
By the same token, you can see how her mind is completely blown because some guy is giving her mixed signals.
I don’t know if you realize this, but that kind of behavior is pretty much what a lot of girls do to guys all the time. She’ll go on a date or two, express what a wonderful time she had, say she’d like to see him again. Then suddenly she’ll just stop answering his texts and emails without any explanation.
Then the guy gets on his favorite message board and complains about it, and the girls on the message board (and some of the guys) will all immediately contribute their “she’s just not that into you” like no one had ever said that before, and tell him to suck it up.
So if you think it feels bad now, just imagine it happening to you with 4 out of every 5 people you date.
Wow. Cute hot chick finds out what rejection feels like! And her ESP fails her! Film at 11!
I’m sorry. I’m reading all these posts at once, and this is the first thing that comes to mind. Welcome to the world of the rest of us, where guys get nervous and weird and a bit childish when they realize that hey, this hot chick was sitting around waiting for me to call her! Of course he got a silly smile on his face! He’s got hand now!
And maybe the storm knocked out his phone, and he was just about to explain that when you asked if he called…and now he thinks you really want him, instead of just viewing him as another in a long, long line of slack-jawed wall-walkers -into.
But seriously…do not let this misunderstanding keep you from shopping somewhere you find convenient. Just walk in, do your shopping, be polite but distant and try to forget about the fact that he wanted to ask you out but choked. Try to shop at different hours, or when it is busy. But don’t let this stop you from shopping there. He really hasn’t done anything that weird or unsettling.
I didn’t mean like she lives in a leper colony or anything. It just sounded to me like she lived in a smallish town and was one of the more attractive girls there.
She would need to be pretty fucking hot to think like that in a city like New York or Los Angeles where attractive women are a dime a dozen.
No mystery there. She went out a few times and just didn’t feel a connection. She’s not a jerk so she’s not going to tell you the date sucked or anything like that.
Right, you’re only agreeing with me here. I’m just saying, this is quite a common occurrence in general, just perhaps not to women who are more used to having their pick of guys.
And for the record, whiny guy in my previous post was just a hyopthetical dude, I never came to any message board to complain about it, I’ve always taken my lumps like a big boy
I don’t ever think being a “jerk” to a woman is a good idea for a guy. One of the reasons why I’m still interested in the current guy I’m dating is because he actually does what he says he’s going to do. In other words, actions speak louder than words, I always say.
Well, sorry but, no I guess it doesn’t make me feel better. I’ve gone out with guys before and that’s happened. I told them about it, though. I didn’t just disappear. I’ve also gone out with guys before who have told me they didn’t think we were compatible, or whatever, either. I guess I feel this is different and therefore confusing because it happened before the first date, not after. I rarely hear about somebody disappearing before a first date unless it’s a blind date or an internet dating site date. Something where it should be expected because it isn’t real and the people involved don’t even know if there’s any attraction, chemistry, etc… because they’ve never even been around each other, they’ve never even met. The only other time I ever heard of it happening before a first date is when the woman started flirting with the guy all the time, asked the guy out a couple of times, then finally he said yes, then she was surprised when he didn’t show up. In other words, he wasn’t really that interested to begin with. With this situation, we never even reached the point where we could be out somewhere together and not have a good time or lose interest in the other person or whatever. He had finally reached the point where he thought he could ask me out and I’d say yes after being interested for several months. It was still at the point where he was so determined to get the date planned with me that he asked when he could take me out 2 days in a row. He had just been standing in the parking lot the night before wanting to ask me to come with him, but thought about it and realized he should ask me out the next time I came into the store instead. So, there were no dates where he could think that maybe we weren’t a good match. I just think it’s weird that a guy could want to be with a woman so bad, then before he actually had the chance to get what he had wanted for months, disappears. So, I’m thinking he’s either married or maybe he does this all the time and has so many women he’s supposed to be taking out on dates that he just can’t keep track of them all. That’s possible, too. In other words, his level of interest wasn’t just for me, maybe he’s very interested in lots of women. He’s always looking to add another notch to his belt and he’s some kind of player type guy who can’t stick with a planned date because he’s just running around feeding his ego.
It just sounded to me like she lived in a smallish town and was one of the more attractive girls there.
