Cecil Adams may be President (or King, or whatever), but he’s only a figurehead. It’s the Admins who mete out Fascist Nazi Justice[sup]TM[/sup] to all who oppose them, exiling them to Outer Mongolia or something (that’s what I’ve heard, anyway). The Mods act as their feared Secret Police, rooting out all enemies of the State.
And I could be the mysterious expatriate Duke of Toronto, running a subversive multimational comics empire out of a walled villa on the outskirts of the Old Town section of the capital.
Let me adjust my mask…
I get town drunk
I get to be Secret Police chief.
Our national animal should be a gopher.
All in favor? Aye.
All against? …
Hearing no dissenting voices, the council commands the gopher as the SDMB’s national animal.
I call Prime Minister!
Considering the historical role of Groundhogs… I say: Whatever. They’re the same thing, right? 
And I wanna be Governor-General. I get my own virtual house where I’d host virtual dinner parties and invite the public of Dopeïstan to have a virtual skate on my rink. And I could tour the country as a celebrity.
My first act would be to recommend to Parliament to hire from among the populace a translator to immortalise in latin London_Calling’s immortal motto:
SDMB: Larger than Liechtenstein, and you can spell it.
Which I think is among the coolest things I’ve seen all week. 
Dammit, all the good titles are gone. Okay, I call Official Treasurer. All of our money will have Uncle Cecil’s head on one side, of course.
Sorry, Gopher, but our official animal has to be the Almighty Hamster.
No, no, no…Gotta be Hamsters.
I’ll borrow both the Hamster and the Prairie Dog from work and we can heve TWO official animals, if you let me be State Zookeeper.
Deal? 
Dibs on Minister of…er…Information.
Why? I do not know.
I want to be Minister Without Portfolio. That way no one knows what I’m supposed to be doing.
I was going to call Secretary of State, but I don’t know shorthand.
The crest of Dopeistan should feature both groundhogs and the tireless Hamster.
I call Official Minister of Sinecure!
why are you bothering with the modest title of president/king Ryan Liam? I thought you were already declared god!
Well, all the good titles are gone so I guess I’ll have to settle for “Village Idiot”
I’m already President of Freedonia, but I’ll volunteer to be Dopistan’s Secretary of War as well.
I call Generalissimo! My brutal and heartless regime shall grind the peasant posters under my jack-booted heel until some dauntless hero rebels and overthrows me! Muahahahaha! (Now accepting applications for Fawning Second In Command [sup]TM[/sup])
Once overthrown, I’ll settle down in MPSIMS raising hamsters for a living.
Right then, you’re overthrown.
I call Minister of Communications.
T1 lines for everyone!