Look at you connecting with your friends. It is no big deal that you are interfering with my view of the game or the baseball field, and my kids don’t mind, since you are so special. Oh, special you! It is utterly fascinating to watch you standing, waving your arm, while holding your cell phone in your ear! I can watch this for minutes, even whole innings. Stand up, wave, do whatever you need. After all, it is all about you. It is even more special to hear you screaming into you cell “NO, OVER HERE” as though you can be heard from across the stadium.
Oh, I’m sorry I opened my mouth. Simply stating “they see you, we all see you” was so rude of me. I can imagine how disruptive I was to your ongoing efforts to be seen. It was very brave of you to venture so far from a mirror.
You are such a special person. All the world is here for you. I can’t believe your friends would not check in with you early and often during the game, as you are the planetary body, and we are all orbiting satellites. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the opportunity to simply be in your majestic presence.
This reminds me of when I last went to a ball game and I was trying to direct my dying little brother over to the seats I’d bought by selling my record collection. He had the section number wrong, and when he went to the bathroom to empty his collostomy bag while I bought a hot pretzel for him, he’d gotten mixed up (the meds do that) and tried going into the wrong section. He borrowed a stranger’s phone to call me for help, so I was trying to give him directions, since I couldn’t leave my seat without inconveniencing the other people in my row.
Then some asshole behind me started mouthing off about how everybody can see me.
When I told my brother about what that guy had said, he began to cry and died a few hours later.
People standing up and waving is part and parcel of the ballpark. If you don’t like it, watch from home. Oh, wait, they will still be standing and waving, but this time they will also have headphones and microphones and be in the broadcast booth talking color while obscuring the game behind them. So, I guess you should listen to the radio, or better yet, wait for the edited training tapes.