every1 that posts, should add on a bit to the story, it should come out funny. here we go:
Once apon a time there was a man sitting at a table in a restaurant when…
came walking in a woman with the sharpest nipples this side of the net…
…who, unbeknownst to the man, was an agent for the Illuminati, whose main goal is to…
…to felch his mother. The woman sat down.
“Hello.”
“Hello.” he replied. “My, those are sharp nipples you have. Can they cut glass?”…
“No”, she replied “Though once they did slice up the face of a sexual attacker.”
“Thats soo odd”, thought the man… “this woman is nothing but ugly… with her big mouth, wide back, sharp nipples and flat bum, and yet I am strangly attracted to her. If only she was my mother… I would felch her”
“May I buy you a drink?”, he asked. “And please, use my special straw.” Producing a straw from the inner pocket of his jacket.
“Why thank you!” she said as she grabbed the straw and started poking him in his left eye.
"Hey, what are you doing? That’s not…
nice!"
Suddenly, with amazing strength for a woman, she threw him across her knee and spanked him hard.
He was really enjoying the spanking when she produced a two foot dildo at least six inches across.
“My God!” he gasped. “What are you going to do with that?”
“Just close your eyes” she said. “It will only hurt at first.”…
She then began to beat him severely about the head and shoulders with the dildo, which was weighted with lead, until he began to lose consciousness. At which time she…
stepped out for a quick smoke break. Damn being an addict sucked. After sucking down a Marlborro Red she stepped back in, only to find…
…the roof, the roof, the roof was on fire…
Yer pal,
Satan
TIME ELAPSED SINCE I QUIT SMOKING:
Three months, three weeks, 21 hours, 35 minutes and 3 seconds.
4515 cigarettes not smoked, saving $564.50.
Life saved: 2 weeks, 1 day, 16 hours, 15 minutes.
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The firemen rushed in, bearing powerful hoses. “Get down, party people!” they shouted to the large crowd, which was dancing to annoying techno music.
Meanwhile, across town a small group of hampsters…
…were sitting down for a pleasant meal of their young. Buford, the youngest (not being eaten, that is), suddenly sits up and sniffs: “Dear Lord, that smells like Marlboro Red!” His mother raises an eyebrow and says…
“You’ve been sniffing the Sharpies one to many times!”. And she proceeded to…
take out her magic wand and smack Buford upside the head with it, and he became the second course for dinner instantly. The neighborhood alley cat sees this and he snatches up Buford’s dead carcass and begins to…
…rub it all over himself to the beat of that annoying techno music he heard earlier that night on the other side of town.
Suddenly Rod Stewart walks by and…
…begins to sing songs from joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat before he trips over the alley cat and notices the dead hamster. he then…
proceeds to spew all 5 gallons of semen and beer all over the ground due to the sight. The dead hamster turns into a llama and then…
…take off at a quick trot. He heads straight toward the smell of smoke and the sound of techno music. …
…arriving at the burning restaurant, our dead hamster-turned-llama starts spitting on the fire. Four hours later the fire is extinguished. Again, a llama saves the day.
But then out of the corner of his eye he sees a suspicious looking man with a sturdy looking straw…