No - I don’t think drinking is somehow inevitable. Nor do I think the NHS has the answer - addicts, or otherwise - people make the choice to live healthily, or not. And in terms of analgesics, there are only so many continuous and immediate relief medication a person in her position can access. Sure, there should be more funding for alcohol and addiction services, but isn’t the NHS busy enough without identifying people who prefer to ‘cope’ by themselves?
I think my mum thinks, in vino veritas - and I have to accept that. Perhaps it’s something to do with being a Baby Boomer, perhaps she’s low on GABA, I just don’t know. I have to accept it in the same way you accept your mum reading the daily mail, or whatever. You can’t stop her - as a teenager I probably would have tried, but people are free to choose to make crappy decisions.
I would stick to telling her your feelings. Tell her that her drinking upsets you and that you prefer to not be around her nor talk with her when she is drinking. That you will be happy to talk with her when she is not drinking.
Simple as that!
So far as you suggesting that she stop drinking, do this once or twice, then drop it. You have done all you can. Nothing more you can do. You can’t force her to stop drinking. So just drop it and get on with your life. Distance yourself from her if she is upsetting you. Or allow her limited contact - only when she is not drinking.
Remember that alcoholism is a mental illness. We don’t let schizophrenics decide if they get treatment or not, we should have a similar stance on alcoholism. You can’t force your mom to get treatment, but you can come pretty close if you believe her life is in danger and you care enough.
Beware the advice “you can’t help them if they don’t want to help themselves.” It sounds an awful lot like forgiving yourself for the sin of omission.
Can you imagine if we said “you can’t help schizophrenics if they don’t want to help themselves?”
Sure we do. All the time. For the vast majority of schizophrenics.
Getting a court order to force medication is a challenging process. And generally only works when it can be shown the person is incompetent and a clear and imminent threat to themselves or others. The bar is set much higher than it used to be, and for good reason.
Now we can persuade, and make certain privileges contingent on compliance. But generally the patient still gets to decide.
And we really can’t help schizophrenics much unless they want help. Modern meds don’t cure schizophrenia, they just dial down the symptoms for some folks. But with significant side effects for some of them, who feel the treatment is worse than the disease.
QtM, hip deep in schizophrenic patients on any given day in the office. And currently working to get a guardian appointed for one of them, as he’s no longer competent. And until then, I can’t force any treatment on him, not even life-saving treatment.
Gosh, schizophrenia is a totally different disease, and even then the person’s freedom of choice is respected up until the very last moment - coercion and patient’s rights are fiercely protected over and beyond the right to enforce a deprivation of liberty. Or, at least, there appears to be a lot of paperwork in place to indicate this as fact.
Anyway, it would be awful if people took such a black-and-white approach to autonomy and patient welfare; appearing completely blind to the unique limitations on decision-making for severely mentally ill patients—especially during episodes of active psychosis.
I think I’m just trying to say that alcoholism is unique in the way it’s accepted in society. - Or at least that’s what I thought until parallels were made to schizophrenia. The point remains the same though, in most cases patients won’t access/receive treatment until they want to access and receive treatments
I wanted to be clear, my dad takes his chemotherapy pills w/ beer b/c he’s an alcoholic, nothing to do w/ the physical pain of myelofibrosis leukemia. He’s 72 and has been abusing alcohol since he was about 13; if his emotional development was arrested at that age I would not be surprised.