Wheeeeeeyaaaaaa
You have a pet monkey named Skeeter. And his brothers and sisters. And cousins. And second cousins twice removed. And you can’t remove any of them, because they’ve taken over your home and are busily, gleefully trashing it.
I wish I could have an apple pie for supper tonight.
You get your warm apple pie, but it seems that Jason Biggs has already, ah, satisfied himself with it. You’ll be eating this one by yourself I think.
I wish I was Superman.
You are Superman, too bad that kryptonite was discovered as a most reliable material to build things out of. No flying for you, just terrible headahces that will kill you.
I wish someone would do my dishes after supper.CRASHclattertinkletinkle
Your dishes are done, all right. So is the rest of your kitchen, when the nearsighted bulldozer operator mistakes the address of your house for the one next door he’d been directed by the city to knock down as condemned.
I guess that will teach you not to complain about your neighbors.
I wish I could teach my cats to dust the house.
Your nearsighted cats that just drove through misstee’s house Arthur Dent-style proceed to the one next door (yours) to complete their assignment. The turn your house to dust leaving you brushing your teeth in a non-existent sink and standing next to plumbing that’s spraying water 10 feet into the air. And you in nothing but your favorite bathrobe.
I wish this stupid game would install.
Congratulations. You now have the Corrupt Wish Game installed on your computer. But it’s not so much fun by yourself.
I wish that I could freeze time for long enought for me to get all of my work done.
cccchhhhhiiiiiillllllllll
Time is frozen. Long enough for you to get your work done. Long enough for you to get your life’s work done. Long enough for Hell itself to freeze over.
And the Red Sox win the World Series!!!
I wish the Cubs could win too – after the Bosox have, of course.
You finally post a legimitate thread to the Pit…
And evil posters abound.
Can I get some help there or what?
Now, this looks to be an interesting thead – I’ll come back when I’m done looking up Iraq on the world map. Sigh.
The Cubs finally win the World series…after all the other teams have disbanded due to lack of interest. The Cubs go on to win the Superbowl, take the gold in Olympic figure skating, sweep the Kentucky Derby, become the top seeds in the US Open, and bring home the Irish Jig Championship. The world rolls over in its sleep in awe of these accomplishments.
I wish my son hadn’t filled up his hard drive by installing nearly every game I own (the reason the stupid game I bought him wouldn’t install earlier).
Blink No more games on the hard drive… They are all being acted out in real time with live people in your living room.
I wish I had the body I did at 30
You have the body you had when you were 30.
Unfortunately, it’s the body of a squirrel you ran over. It’s smelly and rotted now.
I wish the top of my mouth wasn’t blistered from eating that hot hot hot pizza earlier.
The top of your mouth isn’t blistered, but instead you are deathly ill from the bacteria on the undercooked meats and cheeses of your lukewarm pizza.
I wish I didn’t have to go work in five and a half hours.
[ding], check please!
You now no longer have to go to work, because work comes to you! Everyday your house fills with co-workers, emptying your house of food and destroying your property. But hey, at least you don’t have to go anywhere.
I wish that I could turn invisible (and visible) at will.
SHAZBOT!
You can now turn invisible & visible, only according to the complex regulations laid out in your great-aunt’s will. If you break any of the rules, you lose your right to the income from her $300 Million estate. And those rules make the U.S. tax code look simple.
I wish to hire Cat scratch fever’s umpteen-zillion monkeys as my company’s technical writing staff.
Eek!
You’ve got em, and they’re good. In fact, after furiously typing for a couple of minutes they come up with passable drafts of most of Shakespeare’s works. After they finalise Hamlet, you and the rest of your company are mobbed to death by poets enraged that old Will’s works aren’t better than what a posse of apes can come up with.
I wish that the sun was a different colour each day.
frorng
The sun is a different colour each day.
Unfortunately, your eyes adapt each day to optimally receive the most plentiful wavelength of light emitted by the changing sun, so each day you perceive the sun as the same colour. Everything else in the world, since it doesn’t change colour along with the sun and your changing eyes, looks different each day.
You die of a psychedelic colour madness.
I wish I had the body of a Greek god.
spoofle
You have the body of a Greek God.
Bloody, headless, and buried in your backyard.
The Grecian Religious Authorities would like an explanation.
I wish I had the TARDIS.
Hmm
I’m not sure if you want the Tardis shareware or a great collection of Dr. Who films/information. I’ll assume both–
So you have both the tardis shareware (and your PC can tell exactly what time it is) - and also have a giant mess of Dr. Who info/web sites/dvd’s.
You try to run one of your beloved Dr. Who dvd’s in your PC and end up with the blue screen of death. The Tardi cancel one another out.
I wish for the rain to stop.
The rain stops… I doesn’t start again anywhere, there are mass drouts and starvation the only humans to survive lived in the Californian town of Fremont whoo call themselves the Fremon. Cat scratch fever does not die though, instead you mutate slowly into a large worm that can survive in the Chicago deserts.
I wish I was back in Windsor, UK.