Devo has another hit song. You hear it played everywhere. Your obnoxious neighbor blares it over and over and over on his stereo. The Muzak company pipes it into every elevator on the planet. Your dentist uses it for background music. You grow to hate it, but there’s no escape!!! Everywhere you go, you hear it again and again and again, until in desperation you poiur cement into your ears.
I wish I could lose the ten extra pounds of ugly fat on my waistline – without having to give up my favorite foods.
You are now a salamander. Unfortunately you are now the property of your local pet store, trapped in a glass case while small children point and stare because no-one wants a salamander.
Nocturnal tick: From now on you are surrounded by your friends all day, every day. It turns out, however, that absence DOES make the heart grow fonder and you realise you hate their guts but can never, ever leave them.
Useless Git, nocturnal_tick is your closest friend in the whole wide world!
That’s because, of course, he’s sunk his chompers into the skin between your shoulderblades, where he spends the rest of his life sucking your blood, while you struggle futilely to reach him so you can remove the itchy little annoyance.
You finally succeed in ridding yourself of your parasite, by lying down in a bed of hot coals and toasting him off. Too bad your own third-degree burns put an end to your existence too.
Oh, wait – shouldn’t that go in “Predict the last poster’s death”?
<<alka-seltzer>>
You have a harem with beautiful women (and lots of ugly women as well) unfortunately this is because you have become Sadam Hussain. You aren’t very popular at the moment, I’m affraid, but you can enjoy your harem if you can get to Basra undetected.
You wished everyone would be happy, They will be , over a thousand years when you are long dead and forgotten. They will be happy with the understanding never to have known you.
You have a pencil that never needs sharping. That’s because it’s a defective Glauckheimer Musical Transcription Pencil, and, no matter what you do, you can’t write music in a flattened key with it tio save your life. Everything comes out transposed upwards as far as it will go.
Your fellow musicians mock you, and you end up begging on the dusty streets of Africa after failing at doing spoken-word work in Mali.
You are now MUCH better looking – so much better, that ancient deities demand you be chained to a rock as sea monster bait. Sorry, but there’s no heroes on winged horses wielding Gorgon heads this time, as the winged horses are not in compliance with FAA / CAA safety regulations. Also, Gorgon heads are no longer permitted as carry-on luggage.
I wish to invent and bring to market a product that makes petroleum obsolete and so last century.
Zzap. You have invented the product. Unfortunately it merely increases the carrying capacity of humans on the planet, and when some other barrier to growth is reached, the resulting crash is unavoidable and thus devastating. You are reviled.
BellaDellaItalia you are more beautiful than SunSpace unfortunately you fall into a bad crowd, and end up living with 7 midgets. Worse still you are poisened by a dodgey apple given to you by an old lady. This puts you into a deep coma. Many months later Prince Charles comes to see you, and accidentaly kisses you on the lips (he thought you were the buttler). This awakens you from the coma, in the arms of Prince Charles. To your great fortune Prince Charles was their to meet the midgets for a secret liasson, to keep you from talking to the press he gives you $10,000,000 to set up a beauty clinique with SunSpace and everyone lives hapily ever after.
I wish I knew what I wanted to have for lunch today.
Bibby you beardless creature, your wish is granted!
You are craving anchovies so badly that you’d give your left arm for the little fishy bastards. Problem is, there is a shortage of anchovies on the west coast which you are unaware of, and you spend the entire day waiting on a delivery truck that never shows up at your local grocery only to head home at dinnertime and settle for a spamwich.
You have your pencil-thin mustache. In fact, it’s drawn on in pencil, by a palsied hand, and you discover to your horror that the wavering line can’t be washed off.
I wish I had a
(hold on a sec)
Ahhhhh… Got my cup of tea myself. Now, where was I? Oh, yes, a wish. Hmmmm… I wish I didn’t have to go down the hall to make a cup of tea.
Krys92gp your true love finds you, she is the love lorn Jawa that was dumped by the evil Scuba_Ben,she is only 3 foot tall and smells of Bantha doo-doo, but you are hers, and she is yours forever. You don’t get invited to many social events any more, but the pair of you are always well received at sci-fi conventions.
I wish my next door neighbors dog wouldn’t bark at me every time I leave or enter my apartment.
The yap master no longer barks when you leave or enter your apartment.
Your neighbors dog now barks ALL THE TIME the you are AT your apartment.
I wish that I had a pet monkey named skeeter
