Ok, your dog likes eir new liver treats… only they are from your liver, good job, Prometheus!
Now, I wish I had x-ray vision
Ah Ha! X-ray vision! Of course, its the only vision you have. you keep running into things because they are transparent. people all look the same, since all you can see is their bones.
I wish I could sleep later
Hic!
You can and will sleep later, because you will be afflicted with chronic hiccups that will last all this week, after which you’ll crash over the weekend and miss The Big Game.
I wish SNL could start over with a completely brand-new roster.
ThUnDERRCClAPP\
Your wish is granted, only we misunderstood you and SNL is starting over with a brand new Rooster. Sorry 'bout that.
I wish I could understand people.
[sub]ting[/sub]
You understand people.
Unfortunately, you are unable to express or act on this understanding in any way that would help you. You die of frustration.
I wish I was paid three times as much as I am now.
WISH GRANTED.
You receive a paycheck for three times your normal pay, but it is severance pay since your employer is under invesitgation for fraud and the doors have been closed. Then, the eye of the FBI falls on you, and you spend time in jail for insider trading.
I wish I were a great composer.
Knorf
K * N * O * R * F
Your wish is my command, you are now a great composer… of scatological limmericks. Your only medium is bathroom walls and your only audience is schoolchildren and sophomoric buffoons.
I wish I’d had a V8
- Piffle! *
You get your V8, but the weight of the engine crushes your head and doctors are only able to graft a watermelon for its replacement at this short notice. You get a lifetime contract dancing in Starburst commercials.
I wish I was in Omaha today.
Frooskaladooska
You get better than that Horseflesh. You get to be omnipresent. Which can be a bit of a bummer because you put your sandwich down and can’t remember where to pick it up from.
I still wish that my gf lived a lot closer than two thousand miles and one ocean away in a whole different country.
badoosh Your girlfriend now lives with you - which is all fine and good until you are slowly driven insane by her bad habits and end up killing her and then yourself. You end up as ghosts haunting the same house and have to deal with her bad habits for all of eternity.
I wish I had a brand new wardrobe of clothes that I love that have been tailored especially for me.
you have a brand new wardrobe of clothes that I love that have been tailored especially for me. but you cnat get past the lock.
i wish i wasnt so bored when working
fizzle
You aren’t bored when working. In fact, you’re so excited, that everything else in your life loses significance. You camp out at your workplace. Your rent goes into arrears. Any SO you may have had leaves. You eventually die of starvation, too absorbed in your work to go get another box of Cheez-Its.
I wish I was able to make orgasmically good Baked Ziti.
Gadfly, your baked ziti is so orgasmically good that you get arrested for corrupting the morals of minors and thrown into prison where your morals are, shall we say, thoroughly corrupted, disrupted, and orgasmically gored.
I wish I’d had a chance to go right up to the edge of Niagara Falls this weekend – not over the edge, mind, but close enough to feel the thunderous roaring vibration of the falls.
Uh-Huh. Too bad ETF didn’t specify which edge. Errant genie zaps you to the bottom edge of the Niagara Falls where you do feel the thunderous roaring vibration of the falls. But this is nothing compared to the gigantic sucking of the mother of all undertows and the constant pummelling you get from zillions of tons of falling water. After being caught in the Eddy currents for nearly two hours the waterfall spits you out and you are found by a honeymooning couple on the banks of the river several miles downstream. The only good news is that although you are drowned, you are only [The Princess Bride]mostly dead.[/The Princess Bride]
I wish I had perfect recall of all of the quality movies I have ever seen and could quote them at appropriate moments. This is while maintaining all of my faculties and without destroying my friendships with mindless movie trivia and also while retaining the ability to permanently forget all of those movies which were truly ghastly.
WISH GRANTED.
You have perfect recall of movies, and you retain you faculties (that is to say, the teachers at the local schools and colleges), but you can memory nothing besides the movies you’ve seen. Your friends remain with you out of pity.
I wish the 2000 presidential election had gone in favor of Gore, not Bush.
Knorf
- Balki Bartokomous! *
You get your wish! Tipper has won the 2000 election! She immediately un-invents the Internet and this message board is no more. Dopefest at Knorf’s pad! Bring your favorite blunt object!
I wish everyone was as nekkid as I am right now.
pifflewiffle
Everyone is as nekkid as you are right now. Only trouble is, there is an orgy going on wherever you look, and the entire framework of civilization collapses due to unbridled sex. Everyone dies.
I wish I could have sex with anyone I wanted, whenever I wanted, however I wanted. And I want to enjoy it.
zap
You enjoy it all right. Within 2 weeks, you’ve contracted a case of every STD known to medicine, and a few that are only normally present in farm animals. You die shortly afterwards.
I wish I had a reliable butler.
You rang, sir?
You have a reliable butler, indeed. He did his best to clean up what was left of you when your gardener ran amok with the pruning shears.
I wish I had the sense to go to bed now instead of playing silly games.
- Where’s the beef? *
You are immediately transported to your bed, which you always seem to forget is in your tiny 8x8 jail cell and just below your freakish cellmate who likes to regale you with tales of his chipmunk sodomy exploits and does John Wayne/Mae West impressions all night in his sleep.
I wish Devo would have another hit song.