Your wish shall be granted!!
Your litter boxes are sparkling clean.
But, alas, you chose to purchase the litter that tracks all over your home. Not to mention that the kitties detest your latest choice of catfood, and will remind you by hawking up enormous hairballs onto your best rug.
I wish all my Christmas shopping was done!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! I am drawn inexoribly into cleaning EddyTeddyFreddy’s cats’ litter boxes! Help I can’t get loose!
OH! MY! GOD!! What do you feed these things!?! Centuries dead skunks?!?
Jeeze! The stench is embedded in my cloths, my skin, and fortheloveofallthatisholy my toungue. I can’t get the smell or taste of this foul effluent out of me!
Of course, nothing was said about putting the mess into the trash or anything. So I do get my revenge. Which you will notice the next time you visit your fridge. 
I wish to know the secrets of “life, universe, and everything”.
fowmp
Blonde, pervert, your wishes are granted. The secret of life, the universe, and everything is to have your Christmas shopping done. And you do.
Unfortunately, when you tell this to the stressed-out masses around you in the mall, they lynch both of you. You die with the sound of Christmas jingles in your ears.
I wish I had a ladylove in every port.
ZAP!
And so you do. Unfortunately sqeezing them into the ports of your computer causes quite a mess. I causes your next post to be scrambled as well.
I wish for a large wumpus.
** fw65dŝĵ **
Ĝu have a large ĵumpus. ZĈ ë canèt afford to feed it, abd it eats ĝou out ç héiud s and home.
Eventuaqqŝŝ it eats you. Ĝpĝ die ĵith a beseeching expression on your face.
I wish there were no more beĝĝars on the ŝtreetŝ of Toronto.
All the Toronto beggars have been relocated to your living quarters. You are forced to cook, clean, and cuddle them until you become a beggar yourself. You yourself are then relocated to the streets of South Compton to live out your days begging for some spare used toilet paper.
I wish I could remember the name of that Robert Redford prison movie where he was the warden.
whalla----
you can remember the name of the prison because you are there— serving 10 consecutive terms for public intox and indescent exposure.
Bubba , your cell mate is very happy to have met you.
I wish for a big screen tv.
fweeeeeeep
stormchaser, your big screen TV is here.
No, over here. Right on that rock.
There, in that pit. Yes, I know there are hundreds of rattlesnakes sliding all around the pit, but so what? Just grab this handy vine and swing down to get it.
Oh. I guess that vine wasn’t really a vine after all, was it? But at least a boa constrictor isn’t poisonous.
I wish I could eat chocolate without getting (a) fat, and (b) zits. And yes, I DO exercise – a lot.
You are magically transported to an IMAX theater where you live out your days mesmerized by the enormity of all things transmitted across the airwaves. You have an attendant to wipe the drool from your chin and change your IV from scotch to bourbon as the TV show affects your mood. Too bad the only channel that your new IMAX television can receive is the public access channel.
I wish that the next thread I open doesn’t mention pubic hair.
You won’t have that problem any more, Horseflesh – since your simulpost with EddyTeddyFreddy has scrambled the electronic idnetities of the two Dopers. The misshapen monster that results can never decide which thread to open, and soon expires of frustration.
well I see eddyteddyfreddy wished for a piano— well here it comes
right at you from 15 stories up – and you can’t move out of the way…
I wish for a 69 mustang fastback
A la Peanut Butter Sandwiches!
You have a '69 Mustang fastback. Which is, as I type, being stolen by a well-known, highly successful, uncaught gang of car thieves.
I wish that the O.J. Trial had never happened.
wwwwrrrrroooonnnnnnggggg*
The O.J. trial has never happened.
Yet.
It’s about to get underway, and TeaElle has been selected for the jury.
Kiss the next few weeks of your normal life goodbye!
I wish I had a real piano, not this Casio keyboard thingie that bounced harmlessly off my shoulder.
alamazoo
Here’s your baby grand.
Sadly, it only plays “pop goes the weasel”
And it plays it without ceasing.
I wish I had a free hour to read this entire thread.
You get your free hour, Farmwoman, which will take a mighty long time to complete as you are currently being sucked feetfirst into a black hole. Time comes to a seeming standstill for you and it seemingly takes forever for you to read even this post. Say “hi” to Maximillian for me. And do be sure to post what you find on the other side.
I wish that I had less than 3 Thanksgiving dinners to go to this week.
shadazamawhammalamadingdong!!!
Horseflesh, you have fewer than three Thanksgiving dinners to go to this week.
Unfortunately, you have none to go to, because you’re covered with festering sores and everyone you know has abandoned you and certainly doesn’t wish to have you at their holiday dinner table. You shall spend the holiday alone, in a corner of your cold, unlit room, picking at the growing and gaping hole in your own elbow.
Going back to my last wish…
That’s a corrupted corruption – if I had been on the jury, the dude would be in prison where he belongs! 
The last uncorrupted wish is from EddyTeddyFreddy from last night.
ETF, life is a barrel of chocolates for you from now on. For each chocolate you eat you lose that much weight. They don’t cause zits, but the tentacles that sprout with each morsel consumed more than make up for it. You now look like a bulemic wannabe Chthulu.
stormchaser, just curious (looking at one of your wishes), have you read this thread?
I wish I could have another lap dance.
holyhumpinforgottenwishes
You can have one more lap dance, Horseflesh. From the alter ego of yourself who is covered with those festering sores. Be careful not to touch!
I wish that the Steelers would beat the Cleveland Brahnies today.
Touchdown!!!
Wish granted: the Steelers beat the Brahnies. Which are a pickup team of the grounds crew, and a real pushover compared to The Cleveland Browns™ – who proceed to beat the stuffings out of the Steelers.
I wish the assisted living place where my Mom lives would cook a good, or at least halfway decent, Thanksgiving dinner this year, since I’ll be sharing it with her rather than going to the feast at my brother’s house.*
*Yes, my brother would gladly have her over, but it’s physically not possible for Mom.
!!!Alla Ka Poof!!!
The feast prepared is in fact better than you wished for. Complete with Turkey, Ham, and even a large hunk of Roast beef. OF course it includes all the trimmings. The pumpkin pie specifically has benifitted from the world class chef they hired just for this occation. It is so good, in fact, that your brother and his brood stop by just to sample the delacacies.
Unfortunately, when they stop by, they accidentally trip over the power cord and unplug it. Later in the evening the family realizes that the clock on the dresser has stopped working:eek:
Oh the horror!
OK, I’m sorry, I could not bring myself to pervert that wish any more than this. I know. I’m naughty for not doing something more perverse.