Oops. I forgot to wish. I wish for a big pile of juicy fruit.
***pitpatpitpatpitpat
Here’s your big pile of juicy fruit – right on top of you!
But it’s thousands upon thousands of individual pieces of Juicy Fruit™ gum – so you’re completely unhurt.
You do get a sore jaw from all the chewing, though.
Don’t worry, pervert - we know what a rotten, devious, sadistically creative Doper you normally are.
EddyTeddyFreddy, you forgot to wish.
I wish that EddyTeddyFreddy had a perfect memory.
OK. OK. This one I can do!
ALA! Alzhiemerismpoo!
EddyTeddyFreddy has suddenly attained perfect memory. Unfortunately, this means that she now remebers (in excruciating detail) what you (j_sum1) once did to her cat with a kitchen implement. Her revenge is both swift and much much worse than anything hell could have devised for you.
I wish for a nice cute kitten.
For what precisely??? If ETF was mad with me, then there’s no telling what she would do with you if you got a hold of one of her little darlings!
I wish that I didn’t need to return this lovely mellow CD.
a la huh question mark
so you get to keep it, by paying for it. 
i wish life is fair.
*** A hollow voice says, “Plugh”. ***
Life© is now fair but they’ve changed the rules to make it more PC and less fun. Now you can’t even sell your kids at the end of the game.
I wish I could find my fiance’s engagement ring.
Oh, dear. poofta!
Yes. You found it. His name is Hans. Apperently she gave it to him one night while patronizing the club he works at. He wears it almost all of the time. Not on his finger.
<On a chain around his neck. What did you think I meant?>
I wish I didn’t have to do this sort of thing. :smack:
WHAP
pervert, never fear – you don’t have to do :smack: to yourself ever again!
For the rest of your life, a large, hairy, smelly ogre accompanies you everywhere you go and smacks you with a nail-studded club whenever you need it.
I wish I could stop wishing to adopt another kitten – eight is indeed enough!
AlA! ItsATheme!
Never fear. Yo no longer have to fear wishing for more kittens. A loverly wormhole in the shape of a cat scratching post has taken up residence in your home. Whenever you add a cat to your litter, eventually one of them wanders into it so that never do you have more than 8 cats of any age visible in your home. the wormhole immediatly transports the feline to j_sum1’s home or mine as is its whim.
<Ow! that time the ogre hurt me.>
I wish I had a tougher head so the ogre could not permanently damage me.
- A la makeover! *
You and the ogre magically switch heads! Now whenever he hits you you feel a mild itch on your thick, knotty skull. Your chances at a date are now nil, but hey, who cares? You’ve got a built in battering ram!
I wish my cats would stop practising for the WWE tryouts.
emp
Your cats stop practising for the WWE tryouts, and start practising for the Cirque du Soleil. Your house fills with aerial kitties, circus music, and Vegas glamour.
You go insane.
I wish I had a new job that paid three times as much.
Poofta!
Your new job pays 3 times as much. And miraculously it is only 1/4 as much work. You find that you can now only show up for 6 hours a week and get all of your work done.
Of course, the pay is 3 times as much as me. Or $3.65. That’s yearly.
I wish I could think up a good wish.
*** Yesh lanu tayish! ***
You think up the uber-wish – the wish that is so good, once you devise the wish, your life is complete. You lose all desire to have the wish fulfilled.
I wish for peace on Earth and goodwill towards me.
- A la Left Behind! *
Is that still a bad word on this board? <shrug>
Peace on Earth comes in the form of all human life being removed except for yourself. The goodwill comes in the form of 300 million cats and dogs to feed and water since their owners have gone, and believe me they’re ravenous. Hop to it!
I wish I could party like it was 1999.
KaPoof
You are now partying like it was 1999. In fact you are partying exactly like I did when it was 1999… and I was sick with strep throat and mononuclueosis that exact night, so I was in bed and delerious.
Have fun.
I wish it would snow for a day, then stop.
thip
It snows for a day, then stops. Unfortunately, the ‘day’ being used for reference is the day of Squellin 5, which is over 2000 hours long.
Your house is buried. You eventually dig your way out, only to be captured by ice weasels.
I wish the new government wouldn’t go back on its promises, even though it was tricked into breaking them by the old government.
** JOKER… JOKER… JOKER!!! **
The new Canadian government keeps all its promises: Raise taxes, reduce social services, terminate elections, hire more Mounties, repeal civil rights, and generally make life miserable for normal people. That’s what often happens in a dictatorship. Oh well.
The good news is that Sunspace is the dictator!
The bad new is – for this week.
I wish to go to the Olympics as part of the staff for my (amateur competition) teammate.
Wow! My computer’s been down for a few days, I figured by the time I got to one my thread would be gone! You guys rock, really.
Governor Quinn was grocery-shopping and came across a most peculiar dressed woman standing in the line. He tried ever so hard not to stare, but se was dressed from head to toe in sealskin. Big sealskin boots, pants, and coat lined in polar bear fur. She noticed Governor Quinn staring at her and smiled over at him. “Excuse me, but I couldn’t help but ask—why are you dressed like that?” Her mouth dropped open, then she pressed her lips together in a thin, angry line. Her eyes flashing, she dropped her groceries right there and marched out of the store.
Governor Quinn was so busy, however, he soon forgot all about the whole episode. Later that week, he was even thrilled to hear he had won a free one-week vacation to the beautiful island of Wakonu. The brochure they had sent was so colorful and informative! Spas, bars, clubs, five-star hotels, this place had it all!
He never noticed that there weren’t any actual pictures of the island in the brochure.
Governor Quinn packed his bags. The letter said to be at the airport at 11 am sharp. As Governor Quinn was riding in the taxi he thought about how much fun this vacation would be. Governor Quinn hadn’t had a break off from work since he-couldn’t-even-remember when.
Governor Quinn was still way psyched on the plane. He didn’t even notice he was the only one on it, such was his eagerness to get to Wakonu.
Finally the pilot announced thier landing. Excitedly, Governor Quinn looked out the window. Wait a minute. Something was wrong. He was supposed to be on a tropical island. So why did everything look so…cold?
The ground was covered in snow, and icicles hung from the gray, gray buildings.
There had to be some kind of mistake. Governor Quinn got up and knocked on the door to the cockpit boldly. “Excuse me! Excuse me! I need to speak to the pilot!” The door swung open, and a sealskin-gloved hand pulled him in.
Governor Quinn was never seen again.
Like I always say, never anger an irritable Eskimo.
That was bizarre…I posted that on the Predict the Death thread. How did it end up here???