bonkbonkbonk
spooje, check out your new job – putting air conditioning into RotorHead’s car.
Too bad you’re so unskilled that you put it in backwards, causing it to blow up as Rotorhead is doing 70 in a 40 mph zone. His heirs sue you for all you’ve got, then when they find out what a pittance that is, they beat you to death with a wrench.
I wish someone else would drive me to my mom’s for Thanksgiving today.
kaboom lots of smoke
your wish has been granted. the cops are driving you to your mom’s for thanksgiving this year. They will then exile you to Elba for life.
Note : If you dont know what Elba is, look it up or go back to school you low life school desk sleeper you.
I wish my dandruff would go away. (and no not my hair two.)
emmmmmmPING
Your dandruff goes away.
Your scalp increases its production of natural oils so much that it’ll never shed skin cells again. Your hair is stiff and difficult to manage. You leave marks when you rest your head on something.
You die unpleasantly of a skin-related condition.
I wish I could wake up.
wooooooosh
you now wake up. Only to find yourself laying in a bath full of natural oils created by my scalp. You scream in disgust and hurry out of your bath. You slip and brake your neck. leaving you paralyzed with only a piece of soap and lots of my special oil to keep you alive. you are not so popular so nobody misses you so it takes 3 weeks before they find you. You will never in your life get my taste out of your mouth again.
That will teach you to mess with my head 
I wish Belgium would rule the world.
Belgium (or in particular the Gnomes of Brussels) actually does rule the world. So I’m afraid your wish was wasted. The fairies from Nederland and the little people from Eire are forming an alliance against the Belgian Gnomes, but support from the French Gnome Liberation Front may just save the day.
(note all groups in the above granting actually exist!)
I wish the hamsters were eating a Turkey for Thanksgiving instead of eating a Bippy.
####munchmunchmunchBURP####
The SDMB hamsters are dining on Turkey for Thanksgiving, and have gnawed off half of the coastline when the Turkish government declares war on the Chicago Reader. Bippy is drafted by Cecil to serve as forward reconnaissance, and is caught and hanged as a spy. He is, however, granted his request for a last meal: bearded oyster and hamster souffle.
Meanwhile, sportshoe is sent to the blackboard to write a hundred times (using compressed dandruff for chalk):
“Able was I ere I saw Elba.”
Sunspace sleeps through the whole debacle, but is awakened by the triumphant mewing of a certain tri-cat.
I wish EddyTeddyFreddy had made a wish so that I could corrupt it in a particularly nasty and perverted fashion.
*** :smack: ***
EddyTeddyFreddy make a wish! For world peace, an end to hunger, universal freedom of expression, and unlimited, nonpolluting power for everyone on the planet.
Bippy, in a fit of despair at being unable to corrupt it in a particularly nasty and perverted fashion, claws his hair in a rage until he gets an ouchy hangnail.
<<< Divide by Cucumber Error, Please Reboot Universe >>> (T. Pratchet I think)
Bippy 1.0.1 (beta): The world is silent, everyone is fat, no one has any more privacy, and with unlimited power no body does any work any more they just rot in a decadent orgy of slothfulness.
I wish for the best of all possible worlds.
Bippy, your wish is granted.
This is it. Every other possibility is far, far worse.
I wish I hadn’t been quite so heartlessly cruel to Bippy with that answer.
Eddy gets her wish, and she goes back in time, purchases a new heart, and discovers that this heart is pure evil. With renewed heartfelt cruelty, she grants the wish in exactly the same way, while adding a disturbingly evil chortle directed at bippy. Eddy’s resulting confusion over the paradoxical explanation of what just happened, causes her to break down into fits of uncontrolled twitching of both legs. The twitching prevents her from ever walking a straight line again. She routinely gets arrested for drunk driving as a result.
I wish I could have thought of a better wish.
:: zamp ::
You could indeed have thought of a better wish.
But you didn’t.
For the rest of your life that knowledge gnaws at you. You die with a mad cackle in your throat as you run through the smoke of the burning Louvre.
I wish the Beautiful Russian Woman in my French class woan’t married.
You think of a better wish and it gets granted. Unfortunately, you don’t know what it was so you just have to settle for what you’ve got, comfortable only in the knowledge that a wish was finally granted. You frivol away your whole life trying to find out what it was and die a bitter, lonely, broken wretch.
I wish that I had another turkey leg.
shazoom
The genie auto-corrupts the simulposts of Horsespace and Sunflesh.
The beautiful Russian woman in Sunflesh’s French class has turkey legs.
**Horsespace ** suddenly discovers that he has another marriage.
I wish for three (3) (meaning exactly three and no more, and no fewer) consecutive Saturdays.
jingle jingle
Through an astronomical bizarrity which both top scientists and top religious personnel are completely unable to explain, j_sum1– and everyone else on Earth–receive three Saturdays in a row.
Because of the adverse effect this unplanned holiday would have on a fragile economy, an emergency meeting of the International Calendrical Union decrees that everyone should carry on as usual. The weekend lasts two days as usual, and you go to work on the third Saturday, and the Sunday as well. Subsequently, weekends are held on Thursday and Friday instead of Saturday and Sunday.
Nothing else changes. You die of frustration.
I wish my friend had a pony.
!Neighhhhhhh!
Suddenly, your friend has a pony. Just as you envisioned your firend is now saddled with taking care of this pony. Unfortunately since it had a history of horsing around with money, it could not qualify for welfare. This left your friend harnessed to the inevitable wagon crash that was this pony.
To make matters worse, your friend could no longer walk. Not with such a po-ny on her left leg.
I wish that everyone who reads this thread “gets” the pun.
*** all kinds of mad, magical-looking gesticulation *** And pervert’s wish comes true.
Everybody got the pun. But nobody laughed. You slink away mortified with embarrassment. The perceived social shunning makes you unwilling to risk ever making a joke again. You are no longer the life of the party.
I wish I were capable of on-demand transmogrification.
(rolls twelve-sided dice to see if RotorHead makes the saving throw.)
You are capable of on-demand transmogrification. Unfortunately, there’s not much demand for that sort of thing nowdays.
I wish I had lost my virginity with someone I truly loved.
You really love your brother don’t you Satisfying Andy Licious.
I wish that the next poster would make a wish on my behalf. (My brain is mush.)
After that answer, you’re really gonna wish you hadn’t let me make the wish for you!
I’d like to be under the sea.
In an octopuses garden.
With you.