a choo!
you have a mysterious disease called MJND, they gotta get rid of your nose; no more stuffy nose, no pills to take.
i wish for world piece.
World piece??
The only piece of the world left you have to share with this guy!
I wish that I had a cure for my hypochondria.
#slamp#
Your hypochondria is cured, j_sum1. You no longer have any imaginary illnesses… because every time you imagine an illness, you catch it for real.
Hope you have good health insurance!
I wish I was out of this place too, and in an attractive place where I was at leisure and surrounded by friendly unmarried attractive pleasantly-plump curvy women who appreciate me and the things that I can do, and who want to reciprocate…
pillpillpillcapsule
At last, ** j_sum1** - no more hypochondria! You’ll never suffer the agonies of wondering whether you’ve got some horrid disease again.
(No, it’s not because you actually DO have all those horrid diseases – that would be too easy.)
You’re on your way to your long-suffering doctor (the third one you’ve consulted this month) when a speeding taxi screeches around a corner and slams into you. You live just long enough to say, “Oh, my God! Is that a hangnail?” before you expire.
I wish the sun would come out from behind the clouds.
kaflappo!
EddyTeddyFreddy is transported to a very attractive place, right when the sun comes out from behind the clouds. At that same moment, Xgrox-s’wayywq’s alien spacecraft comes into view, blocking out the sun. “Hmm,” Xgrox thought, “that creature down on the beach there looks rather tasty.”
Sunspace, having tired of this place and that place, and wearied the mildly-evil wish-granting-type-person with the constant bemoaning of location, is brisked away to the very same attractive place, right as Xgrox finishes lunch and leaves. That life of leisure and local lovelies is now a reality. Such a shame that during warp transit, he lost all his clothes and vision in both eyes, which I suppose was a direct cause for his inadvertent downward tropism which conveniently helped him locate that bed of snakes. I suspect that, in turn, was why the snakes were amused enough to attach themselves to every available epidermal surface, and cause enough damage as to emasculate poor Sunspace. The ladies all felt bad for him, and really appreciated how he still gets up every morning to water their gardens. As show of thanks, they reciprocate.
I wish I had an oscar meyer weiner.
- A la franks & beans! *
You get your Oscar Meyer weiner, which happens to be the only thing you’re carrying as you walk naked through a field of ravenous wild dogs. Hilarity ensues.
I wish I hadn’t drank that last shot of tequila.
rrrrrrraaaalllllllfffffffff
You didn’t drink that last shot of tequila, Horseflesh. You sucked down the whole bottle instead – including the worm at the bottom. You’ll be spending a lot of time now in the presence of the porcelain throne, if only to rest your aching, throbbing head upon its smooth coolness, when you’re not kneeling before it.
I wish I could remember where I put my magic wand.
I think I remeber seeing it not long ago. Wasn’t it somewhat in the shape of a spatula? I think some sort of wild animal had it, maybe a bear? He was kinda irritated, and kept muttering something about coming over to give it back to you. Hope that stirs the memory.
I wish I could remember all two rules of this game at the same time, and post this with my previous post.
- A la Fairly Odd Parents! *
It seems you don’t remember sitting on your wand last night. Look behind you. No, not over there, look down your back. Yup, it’s been Hershey-washed. Never fear, it still works, just don’t whip it back and forth lest the rest of the wishes you grant turn out shitty.
I wish I could have an nice relaxing backrub (followed by a frontrub, two siderubs, and a toprub).
Hooooooo-weeeeeeeee!!!
RotorHead, I can grant you the first part of your wish. You will now remember both of the rules governing this game. Or else large rabid hamsters will come and gnaw on your toes as you sleep.
The second part, though… It’s beyond the ability of the Thread Genii to grant. You’ll have to petition a mod or admin, preferably with much groveling, to have a post edited. I hear either chocolate-covered virgins or virgin chocolate would make an appropriate bribe, depending on the gender of the authority.
I wish other people remembered the rules also.
Bing! You get your wish! All the other people remember the rules. They just refuse to follow them!
I wish certain smart-ass Dopers wouldn’t keep following me around, pointing and laughing.
I will stop pointing.
I wish I had some rum here, to go with the coke.
You have the rum, but Elizabeth wants to set it on fire to signal for a ship to get you off the island. Welcome to the Caribbean, mate.
I wish I could play guitar better than Brian May.
Viola! Your wish is granted. You can play guitar better than Brian May. Except for the time between 12:01 AM and 11:58 PM.
I wish I has less than three final exams next week.
Ah, but in just a moment, you will…
Yes, I got it. You have amazingly nimble fingers now. Such a shame you are stuck on that island with me and Elizabeth. And no guitar in sight. We are going to set those nimble fingers to some other task. And what with my having decided I like the Caribbean, I figured the best course of action was to go ahead and drink the rum, and not worry about the ship. Hope you like seafood, because that is about all we have here.
I wish we had some better food here.
:smack: Ignore that last post.
Michael Ellis, this is your lucky day! We received your request, and have gained approval from all your professors to combine everything into one test. Your test begins Monday at 6am. You will have 144 hours to complete it. And no restroom breaks. Sorry, but that is policy.
I wish my cellphone wouldn’t lose signal in the wrong places.
ETF, do the guy moderators really prefer choclate?
You now play guitar bettern than Brian May. Unfortunately, Brian may not play so well. And so neither do you.
I wish I had some virgin choclate. Or better yet, some soiled choclate. 
I dunno about all the guy mods. Maybe UncleBeer might have a different preference? :dubious: For some strange reason I can’t quite figure out, it seems possible.
By the way, pervert, you can have your soiled chocolate, just as soon as MonkeyMule gets done soiling it. Can you SMMMMEELLLLLL the chocolate?
And RotorHead, your cellphone won’t lose signal in all the wrong places any more. It will always get and keep a powerful signal. So powerful, in fact, that you can’t shut it off, and it will beep and squawk in all the wrong places, embarrassing you horribly and getting you thrown out of many gatherings for your dreadful lack of cellphone etiquette.
I wish I had a weiner, Oscar. May I?