paying your friend’s car off is unfortunately beyond the power of this particular Genie. Something legalspeak about proxy wishes, third party beneficiaries and the fine print of certain lending institutions.
@@#&smaSH!!@@#%$
Can do written off though.
I wish my watch hadn’t stopped and that the jeweller had accepted my lame excuse for being late when I arrived at the shop right on closing time wanting to get the battery replaced.
Poof Your watch didn’t stop, but now instead, all of time itself stops, and turns backward on itself. You’re busy trying to find the jeweller to buy a replacement battery, when you notice Orville and Wilbur Wright frantically trying to fly away from a Tyrannosaurus Rex.
I wish we knew the real truth behind O.J. Simpson and the JFK assassination.
sha-bang
You now know the truth of OJ Simpson and the JFK assassination. Unfortunately, the Agents know that you know. Good luck trying to keep them from killing you.
I wish that I could fly.
hamahamahama
You can fly, thanks to this spiffy red suit! It even comes with an instruction manual – which you promptly lost. So your airborne skills are somewhat lacking. Better wear a crash helmet.
I wish to be cured of this head cold (that I’ve had for a week).
abracadabra
scuba_ben is now cured of his head cold. Because he wanted to get cured right away, he needed a very expensive Russion treatment costing him his house, all his savings, his left arm and right testicle. You now have a clear head to think about what you have lost. Enjoy
I wish for a nice birthdaygift.
woohoo!
sportshoe, you receive the most bee-yoo-tee-ful gift in the mail. Truly, the nicest gift you’ve ever seen. It’s labeled, “From your secret admirer”. Eagerly ripping off the magnificent gold-guilded paper, yet gingerly removing the big bow to save for your collection, the moment arrives…you open the box!!
Inside is scuba_ben’s left arm, right testicle, and a head cold thats just your size!!! Let the negotiations begin!!!
I wish for an ultra-light airplane!
You get one of those polystyrene model WWII airplane kits. The ones with the little plastic propellers. It’s great fun for about five minutes until it crashes into a wall and its nose falls off.
I wish to get a really interesting gadget for Christmas, one that will satisfy my technolust.
flapflapflap
Here it is, with my apologies. I had wanted to give you one of those dinky jets that Jim Bediant or whoever it was used to make, but we didn’t know where to find one. So here’s an ultra-light that Rocky and I whipped up in the shop. Enjoy.
Whilst frittering away the Christmas Eve holiday by doing christies at 7000 feet, you are hijacked by Andros-X, red suit and all, muttering something about losing the instructions and about his reindeer refusing to share airspace with flying pork. He orders you to fly his route for him. You soon wish you had asked for something with a little more payload capacity than an ultra-light (say, a Saturn V). NORAD noted the loss of the radar target at 0347 Zulu 25 Dec 03, somewhere over Thule, Greenland. The next day zillions of children and Dopers wake up to find that Santa/A-X never visited. The day is ruined. There is much weeping and gnashing of teeth.
By the way-I don’t warrant my products.
[Verdammt! That’s what I get for proofreading.]
whirligig
Bippy the Newly-Bearded gets his present (he insisted that Santa Fed-Ex it, lucky guy). It is the very latest in technolust, the Ronco Pork Puller Deluxe, with floristan.
While trying it out on a local shoat, you are arrested for indescribable indecencies with a minor and violation of the Pure Food Act (making bacon without a permit).
Now, what do I want for Christmas. Besides that. Lemme see. Yes! I wish for a tin of genuine Kiwi Antler Polish.
kaboom,
you get a tin of genuine kiwi antler polish. The tin is as big as “the ultimate warrior” (still the best wrestler in history if you ask me) and is thrown down by santa at 10000 feet from his sled because is was 2 much work getting it down and in your chimny. It lands on your house, through the roof, killing you in your bed.
I wish for the real santa outfit
flooooooop
One real Santa outfit, coming right up!
Not even washed after three weeks’ duty in the local department store! Still with all the grubby paw marks, spilled juicebox dribbles, tear stains, dried spit-up, and (on the lap portion) other stains as well!
I wish I could keep my cats out of the Christmas tree; it’s so anno
AARRRRGGGHHHHH!!! T-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-m-BER!!!
Eddy, I have seen to your wish. They seemed rather motivated to be in the tree, however, and I found that the only way to ensure their avoidance of the aforementioned tree, was to place a rather disagreeable mutant hedgehog in the branches. Be forewarned, he believes the gifts underneath are his, and will not take kindly to any attempts to remove them.
I wish I could have more effectively argued myself into going jogging today.
<< By the power of Gillette Mach 3 Bippy the Newly-Bearded becomes Bippy the Beardless once again >>
Nothing can get you to go jogging, until you see in the local mall a pair of knee length pink and lime-green lycra jogging shorts that you just have to own. Once you get them home you are convinced they make you look so good that you have to go out jogging every day.
I wish my clients could decide exactly what they want, at least a few weeks before the deadline would be nice.
<<alakazam>>
Your clients know what they want, what they really really want, a full month before the deadline.
Now if you can convince them to tell you their specs, you’d have it made!
I wish that the hot redhead lady in class is just my type.
thunk
The hot redhead becomes your type - exactly.
You go out together and enjoy the perfect two-week relationship until she realises that since you’re not her type, and are making her unhappy, you’re quickly dumped.
Knowing that there’ll never be anyone as good as her for you just makes it about seventy nine thousand and four times worse.
I wish for a delicious piece of chocolate cake.
The Hot Red Head is just your type, but after She finds out what you were doing with your Olympic Muff Diving friend, she gets really pissed at you. The two women decide they’ve had it with men and start going out together. At least you get to fantasize about the fun they are having together.
I wish people could wear whatever they wanted without any fear of embarrassment or social disgrace.
###simulsimulsimulsimul####
Ferris, here’s your delicious piece of chocolate cake – in fact, a whole bunch of pieces!
But you’ll have to get them off Bippy, who’s enjoying his newfound freedom to dress up in chocolate cake (and nothing else) without any fear of embarrassment or social disgrace.
I wish I had a piece of delicious chocolate cake that Bippy hadn’t covered his nakedness with.
Well, so you do!
You now have a wonderful piece of cake which was never used to cover Bippy’s nakedness. It is moist, choclaty and very very delicious.
I hope you can’t imagine what it had been used for. The very idea sends me into fits of anguish.
I wish Santa brings me a biiiiig TV.
The TV santa brought you is enormous. It has a fantastic picture quality, digital surrounding sound and 26 seperate speakers that can be installed all around the room. It made you the most popular guy in D-blok of your nice Texan prison. 2 bad you have to walk the green mile in a week.
I wish somebody would wash my genuine Santa suit.
poof
Someone washes your genuine Santa Suit. Too bad they used bleach as well to get out the tough stains. Now, the suit is such a nice shade of pink, it would go great with RotorHead’s new jogging shorts.
I wish my wife would buy me the Pirates of the Caribbean DVD, Widescreen version.
weeellcommme to the booooooooards!
because this is your first post, your wife will buy you the Pirates of the Caribbean DVD, Widescreen version, or else i will corrupt her instead!
i wish i make sense