pooof
you are now making scents. the genie has misunderstood your wish. you now smell like horseshit.
I wish I was attractive to all women.
KaZappp!
Can be done. You are attractive to all women. Which is when you discover that the super model you are keen on is really a guy!! And (s)he still likes to call you back stud.
I wish the voices would speak one at a time. It’s much too confusing at the moment.
floop
done, the voices now only speak one at a time. And to make sure you are no longer confused they made you deaf. that way the only thing you will ever hear in your life are the voices in your head. Lets hope for you they are not female and talking about shoesales, make-up and men all day long.
I wish I did not have these feeling of revenge towards J_sum1
Oh, Yeah? As it turns out, there ARE no truck stops in Lima, OH, but there IS one up Interstate 75 near Findlay. Unfortunately, that’s Really out in the middle of nowhere and you die trying to get there. Actually that’s not a bad thing, the food is terrible there and the gift shop sucks.
I wish I had my 50" plasma TV back UNCHARRED and working again(see previous post about what happened to my LAST plasma TV request).
Dumdadadummmm
Sportshoe no longer has feelings of revenge towards j_sum1. In fact Sportshoe becomes a genuinely nice person towards j_sum1: sending lovely gifts, money occasionally, continually singing the praises of j_sum1, doing lots of lovely things for j_sum1 and not wanting anything in return.
[size=1]Some wishes don’t need to be corrupted.**
I wish that every apply I ever buy is sweet, crisp and juicy.
poingpoingpoing
sportshoe, you no longer are tormented with the desire for revenge against j_sum1. Instead, you turn your wrath upon gallant205, who’s missed a page or two and corrupted the wrong wish. In a fit of temper, you char every plasma TV he ever owns for the rest of his life. This so enrages him that he forces you to eat every meal for the rest of your life at the truck stop on Interstate 75 near Findlay.
j_sum1 would find this all very amusing, but the voices in his head are so loud, even though they’re speaking only one at a time, that he can’t absorb any outside information, even visually.
I wish I didn’t have to go clean stalls in 12 degrees F weather.
previewpreviewpreview
Every apply j_sum1 buys is sweet, crisp and juicy. The apples, however, are sour, mushy and dry.
I still don’t want to go clean those stalls.
pingpong
ETF, you don’t have to go clean those stalls in 12[sup]o[/sup] F weather. Instead, you have to go clean those stalls in 120[sup]o[/sup] weather. Sweat is good for you, lady, it helps you burn off those pounds!
I wish for a blessed fireproof +2 tuxedo.
sizzle
Here it is, a genuine L.L. Bean Fireproof Tux (+2 rating), blessed by his Holiness hisself. You schnunker into it - perfect fit. (You think, these frickin’ geniis are finally getting their act together.) Confident that you can now withstand anything, you boldly march into the Straight Dope Bar-B-Que Pit where [abuse and insults so unspeakably vile that they can’t be mentioned even in the Corrupt Wish Thread deleted].
Putz.
Oh, and we still don’t warrant our products.
I wish I weren’t dead. Folks look at you kinda funny when you hang Christmas ornaments in Hell. . .
zoom
BJMoose (I still dont know how to put something in bold) is now a living dead. People still look funny when a zombie is hanging up Christmas ornaments.
I wish I could communicate with the dead. (and still be alive and kicking)
…{B}BOLDED WORDS{/B} but use [ brackets instead …
Sportshoestud can communicate with the dead, but you can’t chose which dead person you get to speak to, and every time you try the dead person you get just keeps saying “Og smash” and giggling.
I wish this planet had a better name than “Earth” which is a really dull name if you think about it.
P.S. I also wish jarbabyj does another christmas post, but no-one is allowed to corrupt that wish.
( last years http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=148247&highlight=elves+christmas )
boom,
planet earth was named that way because the planets surface is covered with earth. Our planet has now been renamed to Dogshit. So the surface is now covered with …
Thanks a lot.
I wish for a nice cold Belgian beer. (best in the world)
One cold Belgian beer, coming right up!
splashsplatterdripdripdrip drip
Now, now, your wish said nothing about it being in any container.
I prefer Moosehead myself.
[Allright, you pervs, knock it off. Moosehead is a beer. Made in Canada. For Canadians. And others. And I’m lyin’ thru my antlers - I knew I was commiting pun-ditry.]
I wish Johnny Carson would come out of retirement.
**** Heeeeeeere’s JOHNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!****
Johnny Carson comes out of retirement and goes to the studio for a special show. He visits the green room and takes a good look at the celebrities waiting to go on, says, “I’ll be damned if I’m going to do a show with Paris Hilton, Martha Stewart, and Rosie O’Donnell on the same couch!” and heads back home.
I wish I had time to bake cookies and bread for everyone this Christmas.
You have all the time to bake bread and cookies and mince pies as you like, because your cats not only have taken over your bedroom but have now locked you in the kitchen.
I wish Polycarp would tell us who the new messiah is (see the polycarp pit thread to find out more), and not just leave us guessing.
BJMoose
You appologize for a pun-dirty then commit another one in the wish?
PolyCarp tells us who the new messiah is. The fact that his current incarnation is as a digestive bacteria in the gut of a deep sea giant squid does little to help us, however. Especially given the fact that we discover that these bacteria have a hive mentality which allows colonies living in a single squid to live for centuries.
I wish this thread had not slipped to the second page.
kaboom,
Because of me answering your wish, this thread slipps to first place first page. I dont want to corrupt this wish because I agree.
I wish pervert would change his nickname in sexually distorted
Kazaa! Zam!
Introducing the board’s newest member, sexually distorted. Unfortunately for s.d. and the rest of us, John Ashcroft happens to be surfing the internet right as it posts the news of the newest member to the front page of the SDMB.
Herr Ashcroft sends in a crack team to “investigate” whether or not Cecil and Co. are running a sexually-explicit online crack-gathering resource. During the questioning, Cecil and Ed Zotti both flee impending imprisonment on unrelated charges (no, I won’t disclose them here) and are promptly shot dead in the name of American Liberty.
The SDMB shuts down, and the URL is sold in the next 3 months to a manufacturer of Swedish Erotica, who uses it as a redirect to his own site, which sells grainy night-vision videos of Tijuana donkey shows featuring former television child stars.
The good news, however slight, is there will be a special for former SDMB members: Buy one Elizabeth Berkeley: Too Hot for Guadalajara, and get the Adam Rich Prison Gangbang Spectacular video for 50% off.
I wish Chris Farley were still alive.
- Lights! Camera! Action! *
Chris Farley is still alive, and still making movies. You receive his 20-film collection on DVD as a holiday gift. You watch all the movies, only to discover that the quality of movie keeps getting worse… and worse… and worse. By the time you get to the last movie, you’re recreating the movie theater scene from A Clockwork Orange.
I wish to win on next season’s Average Joe. Even though I’m decidedly not “average” in anything.