pooooof
The snowstorm barrelling down in your area changes its mind and goes out to sea instead. There it evolves in a big twister creating a huge floodwave leveling everything in your area. Instead of clearing some snow around the house, you can now completely rebuild your house. Have fun.
I wish EddyTeddyFreddy’s mother did not name him after his three fathers
When the night wind howls / Through the chimney cowls / And the bat in the moon light flies
EddyTeddyFreddy was not named by eir mother – eir mother was a test tube, eir father was a knife. E was named after the lab technicians.
I wish today’s snow storm will blow over soon, so I can safely go to and return from Dope the Halls.
beeeeeeeeeeep
today’s snow storm blows over. you can now safely go to and return from Dope The Halls. But first you have to snowfree your driveway, then try to find your car under the 50 white bubbles parked aside the road. Then you find out the car does not start so you have to go on foot. You reach Dope the Halls after hours of falling down and getting up again when morning comes. Damn the party has been cancelled because nobody was crazy enough to risk his life getting there in such weather. You still know the way home?
I wish for a nice laser gun so I can shoot some birds.
:smack:
ZAAAP!~
You have a nice new 20th century laser gun to shoot birds with. Unfortunately, the birds have all been equipped with 28th century photon torpedoes. And they know how to use them.
I wish I’d wish a really good wish.
abracadabra
Your wish was a really good wish. But not for you but for me.
I’m not going to tell you what you have wished me but I’m very happy about it and so is Cindy Crawford. We both thank you.
I wish pervert wasnt so forgetful
vrrrrrt
Here you go - a Mannlicher-Carcano Laser Gun. Works great for hunting - geese, ducks, snipe, great auks, the works.
Of course, the birds don’t take this, er, lying down. Thanks to the Internet, they soon hit upon a solution - reflectors! The next time you go hunting your little death ray bounces of its intended victim and hits me (no respect, I’m tellin’ ya).
At his next presser, Fearless Leader announces that shortshoe has made his “axis of evil” list because he is a proven possessor of a weapon of moose destruction.
I wish people wouldn’t shriek so at my horrid puns.
I also wish pervert wouldn’t sneak in a wish whilst I’m carving such sterling prose.
Or sportshoe.
pervert graduates magna cum (no, no, that is NOT a pun) laude from the Albert Einstein Memory School. He forgets nothing. He remembers every filthy joke he has ever heard and insisits on telling them to us - repeatedly. Eventually we all gang up on him and pound him into an Oscar Mayer Wiener. How appropriate.
Last wish stands, unless I’ve been outmanuvered again.
Dear, dear, what heffer makes ewe think ewe shouldn’t be punnished?
People now fire 28th century Photon Torpedoes at BJMoose whenever any pun is made.
I wish my squirrel master wouldn’t keep putting the birdseed in human proof bird feeders.
< P.S. I don’t think Pervert is forgetting to put wishes at then end of his posts, I just think the Mods are deleting them if they are too Gross for BDSM, I mean SDMB. >
kabooooooom
your squirrel master doesn’t put birdseeds in human proof bird feeders anymore. from now on he is putting them in you. All those holes to defend and only two hands…
I wish I looked good in Armani (clothing I mean)
sportshoe, you do look good inArmani. The one on the left, especialy. But since everyone is allowed to wear whatever they want these days (thanks to an earlier wish) you get to wear it all the time.
I wish bird seed wasn’t so hard and pointy, ow!
chirpchirpchirpKAPOWWWWW**
You can relax, Bippy. Birdseed is no longer hard and pointy. At least the birdseed that your squirrel master has stuffed into every orifice of your body. No, that bird seed is soft now, very soft, as it absorbs your precious bodily fluids and begins to expand. And expand. And expand. In a heroic last effort, you warn everyone within a 25-yard radius to take cover or at least open an umbrella, just before you explode.
I wish I could use this in “Predict the Death of the Last Poster.”
swisheroo
You can use this in “Predict the Death of the Last Poster.” And indeed you do us it in “PtDotLP.” But while you are posting it, a moderator comes along and, deciding it has gone on long enough, locks the thread. With you still inside.
Your cats get very, very lonesome. For three days. Then they party.
Wish I’d stop making Freudian Slips.
swishswishswish
You no longer make Freudian slips, BJMoose. You instead are now employed fulltime in making Freudian bras, panties, and girdles. What you really long to do, though, is to make Freudian jockstraps, but you’ll have to wait for your next promotion.
I wish my piece of the collective unconscious weren’t so weird.
FALLUMPH Your wish is granted. Your piece of the collective unconscious is no longer weird, it is, however, now wired. To the national grid. And twenty thousand volts is not a healthy thing when applied to ones piece of a collective uncouscious.
I wish that for once my evil plans would actually work as I planned.
<< plinnywinnnywonga >>
Your army of zombie sasquatch make it through downtown Tokyo, to the horror of all. Unfortunately that is where your evil plan ended. After milling arround a bit and having a couple of cold Sapporro you and your saquatches are about to go home when Godzilla turns up and stomps all over your beutifully preserved sasquatches.
I wish my meeting with the clients goes well this afternoon.
Well you guys are just too darn slow, the meeting’s finnished now, so you can’t currupt my wish. (and it did go well, thanks for asking).
I wish the feeling of expanding bird seed in all my orifices wasn’t quite so ‘interesting’ I’m starting to get quite addicted to this new perversion.
Well you guys are just too darn slow, the meeting’s finnished now, so you can’t currupt my wish. (and it did go well, thanks for asking).
I wish the feeling of expanding bird seed in all my orifices wasn’t quite so ‘interesting’ I’m starting to get quite addicted to this new perversion.
fwinkpeepblonk
Ah, Bippy! Congratulations on a meeting with your clients that went so well! You’ve left it floating pleasantly on a cloud of satisfaction. Too bad a colleague’s just told you that your clients’ company was bought this afternoon by a megacorporation infamous for its contract-breaking, contractor abuse, underhanded dealings, and general viciousness. Kiss that bonus goodbye!
Meanwhile, the birdseed expanding in all your orifices is beginning to decay as it absorbs mroe bodily fluids, and you’re emitting an odor that is… well, let’s just say your colleague gave you the bad news through a bullhorn.
I wish some kind soul would volunteer to cook supper for me tonight.
poof
Some kind soul cooks you dinner, but they are really out for revenge, so they make you a nice rounded dinner, including liver and ionions, boiled spinach, deep fried asparagus, and to top it all off, strained jockstrap soup to start.
I wish I owned an NHL franchise.
Squinkleflubbet!
You own an NHL franchise. It’s the Pittsburgh Penguins. Worst record in the league, star player out indefinitely with injuries, a goalie with visa problems, an antiquated arena and massve cash flow problems.
I wish I had a delicious donut from Tim Horton’s.
