dunkdunkdunkgloooosh
One delicious doughnut from Tim Horton’s, coming right up! Here it comes… eh, look out! Too late – you’ve stepped on it where it landed in front of you on the stairs. Hey, you didn’t say where exactly you wanted to have it.
Actually, xayoz306 other than the soup, and maybe the boiling of the spinach, that sounds like a tasty meal to me. Thank you! (At least the jockstrap was strained 
)
I wish 15 pounds of my excess belly blubber would magically melt away.
poof
Your 15 pounds of excess belly blubber melts away, as well as the rest of anything else that wasn’t excess, leaving you in a small puddle on the floor.
BTW, I wouldn’t mind wning the Penguins. I would at least have a chance of being an owner player, LOL.
I wish that I had an unlimited supply of Molson Canadian.
I wish I coulod have a nice cold Molson’s right about know
strubblemrubblegrubble
Your excess belly blubber has magically melted away – because you have necrotizing fascitis and you’re being eaten alive by bacteria! Argh!
I wish I had a good stain remover to get the donut stains out of the carpet.
Zazaaammmm!
Wish granted, take this vial and pour it over the stains, they will vanish.
TeaElle does so and the stains disapear… along with the patch of carpet where they were.
I wish I had jet powered shoes a la Road Runner.
Splazitz!
You got the new jet powered shoes, ala Road Runner. 
Unfortunately, they came with control issues ala Wiley E. Coyote. :eek:
You just missed the turn on the canyon rim, and you’re about to get the customary puff of dust far, far below in the dry river bed. :smack:
I wish some doper would come over and shovel my driveways.
err, make that "shovel the snow off of my driveways.
OK, so a bunch of Dopers come and shovel the snow off your driveway (BTW–all us Dopers who live in places that get enough snow to shovel understand the phrase “shovel my driveway.”)
Unfortunately, they dump it all inside your car.
I kinda knew that-but if I hadn’t specified, you probably would have granted my wish by shovelling my driveway - pavers, concrete, stone dust and all - into the pool.
Now git wit the program, eh? What’s yer wish?
Sorry, primesite.
It’s been a very long week, ya know?
I wish I didn’t have to do this godawful, pointless, POS paper due Monday.
Poof
You don’t have to do your paper that is due Monday, because when you were writing down the due date, you accidentally wrote Monday Dec 8th, not Dec 1st. So, handing it in a week late is a moot point, since you already failed.
I’m still wishing I had a nice cold, unlimited supply of Molson right about now.
Poof, yourself, xayoz.
You’ve got a nice cold, unlimited supply of Molson right now. Unfortunately for you, you poor sap, it gushes up uncontrollably from a pipe sticking into your attic. It’s seeped down and flooded the entire house, which is now starting to grow some seriously toxic mold that feeds on stale beer. In fact, your house can now be smelled from blocks away, and the neighbors have started to complain. Some of them have even gotten resentful, and they’ve started to mess with your car in revenge.
I wish I looked like Halle Berry.
poof
You look like Halle Berry, so much so, you are now followed by her stalker, which is creepy enough in itself, since her stalker happens to be Michael Moore.
I wish more people were posting while I was at work. (Coincidentally, that is right now)
Well, goody goody gumdrops for you. More people are posting while you’re at work. In fact, so many people are posting that the hamsters drop dead from exhaustion. Everyone on Planet Earth starts posting, and the communications networks become so overburdened that no phone calls, e-mails, etc. can be placed for several days.
I wish I were on a gorgeous beach somewhere, lounging around while cabana boys brought me fresh seafood and margaritas.
Your wish is granted.
You find yourself on a gorgeous beach somwhere, lounging around while cabana boys bring you fresh seafood and margaritas. Unfortunately, the margaritas are bland, tasteless, and watered down.
I wish the Ottawa Senators would win the Stanley Cup in 2004.
All right–the Ottawa Senators win the Stanley Cup. But the town of Ottawa goes crazy and riots, burning down random apartment buildings and houses. Stores are broken into and looted.
Incidentally, xayoz, I’d be happy to take lolling around on the beach with servants bringing me fresh seafood, even if there were no margaritas to be had. You gotta work harder at these things, here…
I wish I could finish my thesis and graduate by tomorrow.
You do finish your thesis, and graduate tomorrow. However, the degree is in Political History of Upper Mesopatamia in the 5th Century BCE. When ever you apply for jobs, relying on your education, you are usually laughed out of the interview.
(I’m stuck working graveyards, so my mind isn’t a t peak form right now. And, incidentally, having the city of Ottawa burned down by a riot isn’t necessarily a bad things, considering I’m a westerner in Canada…LOL)
I wish that more Americans could name all 10 Canadian provinces, and all three territories.
xayoz, I understand about the graveyard thing. What kind of work do you do? Oh, sorry–now back to my regularly-scheduled post.
All Americans can, indeed, name all 10 provinces and all 3 territories. They can do it because Canada is constantly in the news these days, with natural disasters and famine scourging the entire country.
I wish I had a custom-tailored wardrobe of silk salwar kameezes in gorgeous colors.
[off-topic]I work in a call centre…Inbound, thank goodness[/off-topic]
You do have a custom tailored wardrobe of silk salwar kameezes in gorgeous colors. However, on the day you hang them all up in your closet, you get a nasty infestation of moths.
I wish that people understood the meaning of “You need a major credit card to order sir. A bank card isn’t the same thing”
pooooooooooofffffffff
your wish is my command. all the people in the sex store and your whole neighbourhood have understood the Shopkeeper when he yelled at you with a big loudspeaker
You need a major credit card to order sir. A bank card isn’t the same thing When you want to pay for our new DO IT YOURSELF
ANAL BUSTER WITH PINK ACCESSORIES.
I wish I wasn’t so demonic from time to time. (Somtimes you need to be)
Alakazam!
You’re not so demonic from time to time. In fact, Lucifer and his minions have withdrawn their support from you entirely. This sucks all the force and verve from your personality. You’ve been reduced to a tedious, imbecilic, doddering dweeb with a penchant for collecting bottlecaps.
I wish my sister would stop saying that she’s a vegetarian and a lesbian when she eats fish and has had a romantic relationship with a man for the past 2 years.