Floooooom
After you had the best sex in years, three times a day, you wake up next to your sweet Polish Girl where you have a beautiful friendship with and a torrid love affair. You notice some black hairs on her chin. Shit she has a Adam’s Apple. In the future, never trust a Polish girl.
I wish I became the king of pop.
sportshoe is now the new lead singer of Prefab Sprout, and gets tu compete and win the European Song Contest. Belgium dix points.
I wish people would stop trying to kill each other, it’s been going on for over 10,000 years, ain’t it about time we tried something different?
kaaaaaaboooooom
people stopped killing each other from now on. They have tried something different. People are now mutilating eachother. The streets are full of bodyparts. I’d point you the way to safety but I cant find my arm.
I wish my arm grew back and became so strong I could crush a tank with it.
sploink
Out sploinks a brand new arm, strong enough to crush a tank. Cool.
Because you want to earn a little extra money for Christmas, you hire yourself out as a weekend mercenary. You are sent to northern Iraq. Soon an enemy tank ambles along. You dispatch it with a mere flick of the wrist. Im - pressive!
Couple of hours later, another enemy tank ambles forth (these guys, like Cubs fans, never learn). You swing your arm to crush the little vermin. Your arm bounces harmlessly off the tank. (Harmless for the tank, that is. Your arm hurts mercilessly and you scream words too profane to appear in the titles of SDMB Pit threads.)
You hunt up your genii who, tho’ seriously lip-locked with a redheaded moosette at the time, cheerfully gives you his attention.
“Dammit, I asked for an arm ‘so strong I could crush a tank with it.’ Look at this! Look at this!” you shriek, waving your battered appendage in my startling handsome face.
“And that, dear sir, is precisely what I gave you - an arm strong enough to crush a tank. You’ve crushed your one tank. Kwitcherbitchin.”
I wish Rutherford B. Hayes were still president.
Okay.
Rutherford B. Hayes is still president. Unfortunately for you, you’re back in the time period when Hayes was still president. That means that some of the medications you depend on have not yet been invented. Nor have antibiotics. Living in much less sanitary conditions, you pick up a bacterium that’s new to your body but that everyone there has already either gained immunity to or died from as a child. You slowly sicken and gradually kick the bucket, all for want of a little erythromycin.
I wish I had someone to snuggle up with this winter.
ALA snuggly wuggly!
You have the most snugglishous partner all to yourself for the whole winter. he/she is not just the best snuggle you;ve ever had, but also your best friend. You are madly in love. You better start mobing north. Winter doesn’t last that long down here.
I wish depression was more fun.
In order tu make depression more fun, we will be introducing the following measures:
I wish my test programs will stop at 4:00 AM as they are supposed tu.
babbageosity!
Your test programs stop at 4:00 AM. An hour later, when it’s 4:00 AM ione time zone to the west, they stop again. There is a pause while 4:00 AM crosses the Pacific. Then, two hours later, they stop again. It’s 4:00 AM, Hawa’i time. The pauses increase in number as 4:00 AM flees westward across the oceans, hitting island after island. Then it’s on to the Asian mainland…
Pity your test cycle takes two and a half hours to execute.
I wish I could sleep better…
ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZ
Lullaby, and good night
Now our Sunspace is sleeping;
Snug abed, swaddled tight,
To soft pillows’ comfort keeping.
Will he wake when dawn’s light
Through his window comes peeping?
Yes – alas! – to the sight
Of a Grim figure Reaping!
I wish my Linking Limerick thread would be revived.
Your linking limerick thread has been revived.
But not here because its too stupid to fit in here. It was revived in Darwazi. A little town at the tip of afganistan. Its made in English and they only speak Darwazi. Lets hope for you there is a Darwazi word for Limerick. Otherwise I’m not sure your thread will have success.
I wish I understood women. If that wish is too hard, I wish for world peace.
<< warofthesexesfinalbattle >>
sportshoe of all humanity (male and female) you alone have now achieved full and complete understanding of women!!!
This gives you the ability tu seduce any woman on the planet. Unfortunately you’d much rather just go shopping.
I wish my test program would stop resetting the time zone back to 6:30 am PST. I’ve allready relived the last tu and a half hours 12 times.
<< warofthesexesfinalbattle >>
sportshoe of all humanity (male and female) you alone have now achieved full and complete understanding of women!!!
This gives you the ability tu seduce any woman on the planet. Unfortunately you’d much rather just go shopping.
I wish my test program would stop resetting the time zone back to 6:30 am PST. I’ve allready relived the last tu and a half hours 13 times.
<< warofthesexesfinalbattle >>
sportshoe of all humanity (male and female) you alone have now achieved full and complete understanding of women!!!
This gives you the ability tu seduce any woman on the planet. Unfortunately you’d much rather just go shopping.
I wish my test program would stop resetting the time zone back to 6:30 am PST. I’ve allready relived the last tu and a half hours 14 times.
****** fwoopfwoopfwooooopKLONK******
Bippy, your test program has finally stopped resetting the time zone. Your repetitive posts also halt, just in time to head off a swarm of infuriated hamsters.
The test program now is permanently set to your original time zone. Unfortunately, in the course of freezing it there, all its other functions have locked up, and now it’s totally useless. You’ll have to redo all of the last three weeks’ work – and get it done by Monday.
Have a nice weekend!
I hope I can get some cookies baked this weekend.
ETF, you have flour, sugar, a cookie sheet, and an oven. You are fully capable of baking cookies this weekend.
But noooo, instead you opt to spend 48 hours straight on the Net, mostly on the SDMB and related message boards. Ah, well, it was your choice.
I wish the Christmas season took up no more than two weeks each year.
Ka-SWOOSH!!
You get some cookies baked this weekend. You lovingly mix up a batch of scrump-i-licious chocolate chip cookie dough and carefully place spoonfulls of the magic substance onto a greased cookie sheet and put the cookies in the oven.
It’s an electric oven, and it has some problems with the wiring. The oven stops working, but your kitchen catches fire nicely.
You escape more or less unharmed, though your eyebrows have been singed off. Just about everything else in the kitchen is ruined, though–except for the cookies, which have been protected by the oven. The heat from the surrounding kitchen is distributed nicely by the oven’s metal sides, so the cookies are baked to perfection.
I wish I could travel abroad, rather than being stuck here this winter.
Jingle, jingle, jingle.
The Christmas season lasts only two weeks. But every other 2-month period has also been smooshed down into 2 weeks for you. That means that you age a full year for every 6 weeks experienced by everyone else. You grow old, far too old, before your time, and are prone to looking back on the past and wondering where all that time went.
Oh, and your friends and co-workers get very, very sick of your showing up more than a week or two early for every get-together and meeting.
I still wish I could jaunt around overseas rather than being stuck in a midwestern winter.
sniff; sniff; sniff-sniff-sniff
Yo, everybody! EddyTeddyFreddy is having a genii party at her place this weekend. AND SHE’S BAKING COOKIES!!!
39,872 Dopers descend on your place Saturday afternoon and party hearty. All sorts of fun and games ensue.
A bunch of us get up a game of touch football. Alas, no one brought a ball. Being skilled improvisers we make do with whatever is at hand - in this case, some of your fine cookies.
Soon, people are tossing cookies all over your place.
Ick.
[just took a telemarketing call from a certain bunch of morons who apparently enjoy being told to take a flying leap on a weekly basis, inspiring this wish:]
I wish I were smart enough to be so stupid!
Okay.
You’re smart enough to be so stupid. You’re also right enough to be wrong, hip enough to be square, square enough to be round, and round enough to have hips. With those child-free but child-bearin’ hips, you embody every possible–or, rather, impossible–set of contradictory arguments. You shatter into a heap of consistently inconsistent propositions.
The Department of Streets and Sanitation, Brainwashing Division, sweeps your vaguely distinct non-self self down to the city dump, where your remains remain, though you have long since passed on.
I wish more people got my jokes.
sigh
Poor Scribble – will nobody grant your heartfelt wish to get the heck out of the Midwest for the winter? Well, search no more for a kindly genii – 'tis I, the Tri-Cat, who will send you off on a fascinating jaunt overseas!
Yes, indeed, enjoy your cruise on an icebreaker to Antarctica, where you’ll spend the next few months hunkered down in a research bunker. Don’t forget to pack your flannel jammies!
I got your joke, by the way. It was trying to get out the door but I slammed a laundry basket over it. Would you like it back or shall I feed it to the cats?
I wish my cats would do the dusting and vacuuming for me – after all, they’re the ones who make most of the mess.