EddyTeddyFreddy - those brownies will not put one ounce on your thighs! In fact, they are magic brownies (no, not THAT type of magic brownies) and you are now a living, breathing replica of Pamela Lee.
The bad news is - Tommy Lee is knocking at your door, and he has a big… um, present for you.
For all us small girls out there. I didn’t just get this thrown into the Pit, did I?
blonde has forgotten to put in a new wish, How cliché.
So I’ll put in one for her.
I wish Blonde was as smart as she looks.
Blonde is indeed as smart as she looks. And that is smart indeed: stylishly, intellectually, whatever.
However, since she looks so good, and since she’s blonde, she has even more difficulty than before convincing other that she indeed has brains behind her good looks. That thesis on quantum string theory, the resumé, the project proposal at work… almost no one takes her seriously. The predjudice against the good-looking is very strong.
She ends up renting and using an ugly stick on herself out of sheer frustration.
I wish all of us in the family had enough money to get Dad moved into his new place without having to scrimp and save.
Wish granted.
you now have bought a coffin that is big enough for dad so you do not have to scrimp and save to get him in his new place (the cemetery). RIP dad.
I wish Christ wasn’t born on 25 december but on a nice summer day.
You got it. Except now your Lord and Savior is a miscarried fetus.
Oops. And…I wish Lee Perry, Augustus Pablo, Scientist, and Mad Professor would hold a 20-hour soundclash every other Saturday.
granted
Lee Perry, Augustus Pablo, Scientist, and Mad Professor will now hold a 20-hour soundclash every other Saturday. But because the neighbourhood doesn’t like to hear that noise every other Saturday, they call the cops. In the beginning they get warnings but because every other Saturday the cops have to come back, they get fined.
But that does not help. Lee Perry, Augustus Pablo, Scientist, and Mad Professor want to quit but they can’t because it was your wish. So after they all had to sell their houses on fines, they are thrown in jail where every other Saturday they keep a 20-Hour soundclash. Cellmate neighbours don’t like to hear that noise every other Saturday and they can’t call the cops. So they stab Lee Perry to death, put augustus Pablo on fire, Impale the Scientist with a chair leg and throw the Mad professor from the roof.
I wish monkeypants would have to listen to German Schlager music, every other Saturday for 20 hours.
####SCHLAGERSCHLAGERSCHLAGER####
monkeypants now has to listen to German Schlager music every other Saturday for 20 hours. He’s ecstatic! He dances right next to the stage until he drops from exhaustion. After a few months of this, he’s completely deaf, and thus doesn’t hear the horn blast of the gravel truck that runs a red light and smashes into him in a crosswalk.
I wish a kindly fairy godmother would wrap all my presents for me, while I sat watching and sipping a lovely cuppa tea.
phlurk
Aunt Cecilia, your fairy godmother, phlurks in and wraps your packages as you laze around and dream of sugar plums. She then loads them into the car for you.
Soon you’re off to Ohio for Christmas with mom. You occasionally think you hear a rustling sound coming from the trunk, but since you know the U-joint needs to be replaced soon, you blame the noise on that.
You reach your destination and start unloading presents. That’s odd. You remove 13 packages from the trunk, but you know you had just twelve gifts.
You look at the package that had been at the bottom of the pile. It looks as if the present had tried to fight its way out of the wrapping. Oh, no. God, no. You rip it open and find what’s left of Squash, who now lives up to his name.
Shoulda kept an eye on Aunt Cece.
I wish I knew what ETFSSS(S)P is going to do to me after she reads this post.
zzzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz
You know precisely what ETF… is going to do to you. It’s something that should not be described on a public forum. Let’s just say that it involves 123,000 miles of string in three-inch lengths.
I wish I had planned my vacation time better so I wouldn’t be stuck at work today and again next Wednesday.
You did plan your vacation time better! You will be spending 3 weeks on vacation, in fact. However you also planned your vacation to take place in Antarctica.
I wish my sister could be here for Christmas.
Rrrrrroota! Voooota! Zoot!
Your sister it there for Christmas. At least, they think it’s your sister. They’ll need you to make a positive ID on the body.
I wish MST3K hadn’t been cancelled.
The good news is your sister is here, and has an announcement to make. She is pregnant withthe watermellon baby of Master Wang-Ka and has the video of the night it happened.
I wish I was more socially outgoing and picked up women easier.
Wow, what a pickle. Well OK,
Surprise, MST3K wasn’t cancelled. Just like they went downhill from CC, they are now owned by Lifetime and are contractually obligated to only show movies for women.
And once again
I wish I was more socially outgoing and picked up women easier.
HeybabyhowYOUdoin’? (Trust me, it’s magical.)
Voila! You are now the Prince of Charming, the Don of the Juan, and of course, the Casa of the Nova. Women swoon at the sight of you, and lusty females tear open their bodices after merely thinking of all your masculine charms. Rumours of your member and the prowess thereof spread like wildfire through the SDMB realm.
However, you can do very little about it, as you now exist only within the covers of a series of cheesy romance novels. Consequently, your name has also been changed; it is now “Raoul D’Amour de la Copulatorio.” Enjoy your life.
That said, I wish I was the Chief of Vascular Surgery at John Hopkins University.
You got it! However, your Native American bloodlines are what got you the position, and not your medical acumen. And passing around the peace pipe wasn’t a great remedy for that guy with the failing lungs. Malpractice suit! For your sake, I hope your lawyers invoke the Wolf Spirits.
Oh yeah, and I wish I would stop forgetting to put my wishes in this thread. Actually, I wish I could be reminded by Kristen Johnson. Very often.
Well of course that’s Kristen JohnsTon, so please no wise guys finding pictures of uggbeasts with the same name on Google Image Search.
Al kaZAP!
You are now reminded often by KritenJohnsTon to make more wishes.
Of course since she became john - TON - you primarily wish she would not come over to your house. It tends to cut off your air supply.
I wish Christmas would only come once every 5 or 6 years.
Every 5 years it is! Except - another new holiday tradition has evolved as well. It involves making pervert the tail reindeer. Don’t step in that!
I wish I had the $'s to buy all the after-Xmas bargains.