I have a bonus for you. Not only is it a carnival, but the annual clown convention. You’ll be at the carnival with THOUSANDS of clowns, all in full makeup and costume. Everywhere you go – while you’re eating, using the restroom, competing in rigged games of skill. Every time you turn a corner you’ll walk smack dab into a clown.
Plus one or more of the carnies will ask to have sex with you.
WHEEEEE!
I wish I could have a dinner party, with the food prepared by the world’s best chef (no food poisoning), and a guest list of the greatest living thinkers.
You compose this masterpiece, and hear it performed by the greatest orchestra ever assembled. The concert is billed as composed by Andrew Lloyd Webber who the world now thinks wrote this masterpiece.
I wish for a garden like the hanging gardens of Babylon when they were in prime condition.
Too bad you didn’t do your research because then you would have known that the hanging gardens were composed entirely of poison ivy. Shame about that nasty itchy rash.
Love? Thanks a lot for the ugly, obsessed, murderous stalker who just won’t leave me alone.
Gold-plated poop? The Mafia finds out about this odd gastrointestinal trait of yours and locks you up in an isolated house under constant guard, force-feeding you and collecting your feces.
I wish I had unnumbered wishes, and the good health and personal happiness to long enjoy them.
Your wishes, indeed, are unnumbered. However, they aren’t infinite, and that out-of-control crosstown bus is about to negate the health and the happiness.
I want to be a Judge of the New York County Surrogate Court, and get rich off of other people’s estates.
You are caught embezzling the funds in question, and spend the next 10 years sharing a cell with a 250 pound guy named Bubba who has “F.E.A.R.” tatooed on the knuckles of his left hand.
I wish for a BMT-a bacon, mutton, and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean, and the tomatoes ripe and oh so perky-I love that.
Granted. They do. ALL of them. Every time you say “come over here”, your house will overfill with every animal on earth trying to enter, and you’ll get crushed to death between them.
I wish that I got paid on a daily basis rather than bi-weekly.
Congratulations. You’re working, now, as a mule for the local heroin ring. You get paid daily, and well. You also are in a high risk position, and with no ability to quit. And no health insurance.
I wish I had a legal job, paying at least minimum wage.
Granted, you have your dream job, which is perfectly legal and pays a decent wage, BUT! You are also paid daily instead of bi-weekly.
So what?
I guess you haven’t heard about the changes to the accounting rules that require you fill out all parts of Form 97B, in triplicate, and personally hand in one copy at the Regional office in Scranton at 9AM, another at the Anchorage branch at exactly 1:23PM, and lastly, the Baghdad division at 4:29PM, on each day for which you are to be paid. The accounting change is irreversible and continues in perpetuity, even if you change jobs. Enjoy!
I wish that the wish written down on the sheet of paper in my hand (which is hitherto unknown to anyone other than myself) is granted to me instantly and not corrupted in any fashion.
Sure, but since the Wish-Granter has the power to grant wishes but not to read minds, he has to assume what it is that’s on the paper but has to grant you some wish because you asked. Granted - you’re OtakuLok’s administrative assistant. Your written-down wish remains uncorrupted.
I wish the existence/non-existence of God debate to be finally and irrefutable resolved.
Done. The children of the US suffer crashes from the sudden withdrawal of sugar leaving us with a generation that couldn’t pay any attention in school and the future is doomed.
I wish to be wealthy enough to no longer have to work.
I’ve got a better answer now. Due to neglect by the companies that raise those fruits, every US school child is poisoned by a pesticide. We now are missing a full generation of people.
You got it. No more nine-to-five for you, no more lousy commutes, just staying at home … looking after all your investments, getting on the phone to your brokers and bankers and investment counsellors, issuing buy and sell orders, reviewing various markets online and in the newspaper, making sure you’re maximizing the use of every penny so you can maintain your standard of living without having to work. Or so you thought.