Let’s go back in time, when airport security wasn’t so difficult and time-consuming, and make sure you have a great one. Beautiful weather, interesting sights, friendly people, and superb dining and nightlife. But all good vacations eventually end, and so does yours; you board your plane home on September 11, 2001.
I wish the weather would improve.
Assuming you mean warmer than it is now, global warming really kicks in: average annual temperatures rise by 10 degrees. If you mean, you hope it stops raiing, it does. And doesn’t rain again for 10 years. You want it cooler? Next winter, it’ll snow an inch – every day.
I wish I could really tiptoe through the tulips.
Poof! Granted! Too bad about that sudden and hitherto unknown tulip allergy…
I wish I had a five pound Cadbury milk chocolate bar with raisins and hazelnuts in.
As you do, Herbert Buckingham “Tiny Tim” Khoury is waiting, and beams “You are my true love, the one I’ve always dreamed of,” and starts showering you with French kisses.
Congratulations! You have just been sent a free sample of Cadbury’s new milk chocolate, raisins, hazlenut and wasabi bar. (Yoda delivered by)
I wish I had an R/C USS Virginia.
Granted. Too bad you didn’t wish for the controller, too.
I wish I were the most talented person on earth.
You remain exactly as talented as you currently are, but everyone else in the world becomes infected with a zombie virus that leaves them stupid and talentless (not to mention hungry for brains!).
I wish leprochauns would do my yardwork while I was asleep.
Yeah, they do, but, being the mischieivous little bastards that they are, they dump all the grass shavings into your car.
I’ll wish for a million dollars. These shall be genuine (non-counterfeit) normal-sized non-sequential American $100 bills (each 100% intact) of the most recent series, with the normal portrait of Ol’ Ben on the front (i.e. no other funny portraits), wrapped neatly (yet loosely, not glued together or glued to or in the briefcase, or the like) in packs of 20 in an unlocked easily openable leather briefcase wrapped in a plastic bag (bag easily unwrapped or torn to allow access to the briefcase), deliverable to exactly 3 feet in front of my exact location (floor level of my apartment) precisely one day after the date and time on this post, with absolutely no dyes, invisible tracking devices, or other identifying information/permanently damaging devices (of the bills or of me) of any sort on them or in the briefcase or bag.
BTW (not part of the wish) I will be delivering these furtively to the charity of my choice, using gloves and without letting any of my DNA or such contaminating the briefcase or the bills.
deleted. duplicate
Every bill will smell like ass times 1,000.
I wish to end all wars.
The entire population of the earth has been killed. No people means no wars!
I wish I could live forever.
Olympus solved this one millennia ago: You live forever, but always aging. Blind; unable to move; senile, too. But you can’t die.
You’ll be wanting to be turned into a cricket, too, I’d bet.
I wish I weren’t so morbid.
You can live forever, by living on a planet 16 trillion light years from earth. Good luck on getting there before you die.
I wish for some really good brandy.
Your perpetually joyful, cheery outlook, even at such occasions as funerals and court appearances, coupled with you inability to empathize with the physical or emotional pain others suffer has rendered you a social pariah with no personal relationships.
I wish I were Cecil Adams, the world’s smartest human.
:smack:
Oh well the charity can clean them.
Ha! I’m already a social pariah! This is good. I can work with this. 
Okay, you’re Cecil. Now, every day, your e-mail inbox will have questions abour words ending in “-gry,” parkways and driveways, and locks on the doors of 7-11s.
I wish I had a new car.
Your new car, a beautiful, shiny 2008 Rolls Royce with all the trimmings, materializes ten yards above your head the next time you go outdoors. Splat.
I wish I was elected President of the United States, served two full terms in good health, then left office with my honor, dignity and popularity still intact, having served my country well and fixed all the damage Dubya did, enjoying a long and happy retirement while basking in the esteem of my countrymen and the world.
Your REKALL experience will be the best vacation you ever had. You won’t be able to tell it wasn’t real.
I wish for diamonds in the sky.
Poof! They’re there, but they’re not yours. They belong to some woman named Lucy.
I wish I could spend a fun day at the carnival.