Unfortunately, Haagen Dasz is the Bertie Botts Beans of the ice cream world. The discounts are on their more unpopular flavors. You really wish you had wished for Haagen Dazs.
I wish I had a coopon. (Ron White fans will know)
You have a coop on your car. It’s really big, though, and scratches the paint something awful.
I wish nothing bad would happen to me ever again.
Nothing good ever happens either, Your life becomes an emotionless void. You are Keanu Reeves’ twin.
I wish all those chickens would fly the coop.
They do, and your house is covered by eggs as a parting gift.
I wish I had the pair of nice shoes, whole, my dog chewed up 15 years ago. (Never found them anywhere else).
They’re found on a nearby beach with 2 feet still in them (not yours thankfully enough).
I wish that the eye dilation that my opthamologist gave me this morning would wear the fuck off already.
Your eye sockets are raped by a violently crazed felon. No more dilation problem. Was that the “fuck off” you had in mind?
I wish every woman I find attractive wanted to have sex with me, but could take “No” for an answer when I got tired.
Unfortunately your testicles are pulled off in a horrible biking accident. You’re not all that turned on by women anymore, turns out.
I wish I had an awesome smartphone that got great reception everywhere, unlimited data, and didn’t cost an arm and a leg.
Done. It costs two arms and three legs! “Sorry, Mom…”
I wish everyone who had a surplus body part could have it painlessly and safely disappear, if he or she individually wished for it to do so.
Cheap at half the price.
Your back yard is inundated with a constant drip of tonsils, adenoids and appendixes. (appendices?!?)
I wish getting into good physical condition was easy.
The rest of humanity disappears in the twinkling of an eye. By definition, you’re now the fittest human being on the planet.
I wish someone could accurately time “the twinkling of an eye.”
However, staying in good physical condition now requires exercising 16 hours a day.
I wish this thread had never happened and my life was back just the way it was before this thread started.
Done. Unfortunately, you can’t resist peeking into the thread again, aaaaaaaaaand here you are.
I wish someone could accurately time “the twinkling of an eye.”
It has been timed to the most precise increment available. Then somebody stuck his finger in your eye.
I wish I could find where to buy this kind of soap I’m looking for.
.372 of a jiffy. Too bad you don’t know what a jiffy is. (And it’s not peanut butter)
I wish I had a pair of the shoes in Cruel Shoes.