I knew, just wanted to see how the wish would be corrupted.
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan and Michael Bay.
I wish I had a light bulb for my lamp.
You have a light bulb for your lamp. $1.99 at any hardware store. 5 minutes later you begin to suspect that you wasted your one free wish.
I wish this life is not a dream.
POOF
Leonardo DeCaprio and his Inception crew beat you into a coma.
Pssst. And the next wish…?
Since msmith didn’t come back to finish his turn, I’ll give it a go!
Isamu, thanks to you the US will never rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.” Never again on the red hills of Georgia will the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood. The state of Mississippi will always be a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, never to be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. No one’s little children will ever live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. Never in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification – never in Alabama will little black boys and black girls be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers. No valley shall ever be exalted, nor any hill or mountain made low, nor the rough places made plain, nor the crooked places made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be hidden forever and all flesh shall seek it in vain.
I wish to have more frequent, pleasurable sex with beautiful, desirable, consenting, living human women without any danger of disease, unwanted pregnancy, or unpleasant emotional entanglement.
You wake up in the body of Hugh Hefner. Make the most of what time you have left.
I wish I was successful at every endeavour.
You decide to commit suicide, and it works like a charm.
I wish I was charming to all beautiful women to the extent that pleased me.
You are, unfortunately, you are now also gay.
I wish I had perfect teeth.
Sure thing. Did I mention that they are perfect shark teeth? And that your cheeks and gums are now in shreds?
I wish I had my own private Idaho.
You do. Now the ghost of River Phoenix won’t stop bugging you.
I wish River Phoenix had not died so young, and instead had a long, successful, drug-free acting career that he found deeply fulfilling.
He did, he’s now known as Nicholas Cage.
I wish my desk clock would stop blinking.
It’s stopped, unfortunately everything else has stopped working too since the nearest power plant blew up.
I wish I could eat all the spaghetti and meatballs (with parmesan and garlic bread) I wanted to without getting fat.
And it’s the only thing you can eat from now on. All other food makes you fat.
I want a well fed, sterile tribble.
The tribble just keeps getting bigger and bigger until it is larger than your house. And trying to blow it up just results in a kazillion of the little buggers (who like I said won’t stay little for long).
Your own damned fault for not watching the Animated Trek Tribble episode. 
I wish Scotty would beam me the f*** up already, as there apparently is no intelligent life here (not necessarily a dig at runner pat, understand).
He beams you onto the Next Generation bridge, absent Picard and Data, who are replaced by Wesley Crusher and Troi’s mom. No intelligent life there, either!
I wish my daughter will enjoy Beethoven’s 9th when we take her to the symphony this weekend…
She’ll enjoy it so much that she’ll buy a violin and play it loudly every waking moment. If only she had just an ounce of talent… 
I wish that my new push lawnmower will make mowing the lawn easy.
It cuts your lawn so close that it kills all the grass.
I wish I had a Victorian mansion in Upstate New York.
Poof! Beautiful mansion is yours. Unfortunately you have to share it with Zombie Queen Victoria.
I wish that I would win an Olympic decathlon and get a gold medal in the next Olympics.
Granted. A disease strikes humanity crippling everyone over the age of ten. You are a shoo-in!
I wish that I made twice as much money, but kept the same job.