I suspect it’s something more quantifiable: symmetry. Something of which our brains are always aware, even if we’re not conscious of it.
Full disclosure: I am one of those who, although frequently self-described as staggeringly handsome, takes maybe one photo in 10 decently. “Your face is NOT uneven,” assure those who see it twitching and mugging each day. And yet a photograph reveals the hard truth, all my Godforsaken deformities on violent display. Sad cataclysm of skew lines and irregular polygons, a Cubist reimagining of Joseph Merrick. Photoshop has its limitations, noted the Adobe rep with a note of sadness. Your refund check is included.
I’m told I’m fairly good looking in person - was better looking at 22 than 40, but I’m not bad looking now - and at 22 I was the type of girl who turned heads. Nice figure, decent bone structure. I don’t photograph well. There are a few decent photographs of me
My sister has always looked somewhat middle aged in person - even when she was 17 - she was one of those people. Her hair is sort of thin and flat. Never was gifted with my figure. But she photographs like a goddess - she has these eyes that seem to catch from every angle.
Agree with everyone else–you can be attractive and not photogenic, and vice versa.
But the refusal to send a photo thing–major red flag. I wouldn’t bother to meet someone who wouldn’t send me a photo. There’s definitely something fishy about it.
One of the most amazingly stunningly drop dead beautiful women I have ever met can’t take a decent picture to save her life. I have never met a single person who upon meeting her does not agree that she is stunning, very few would call her even cute if they saw only her photos. It’s really weird, and yeah she has hangups about it.
On the other hand…if you are going to sign up for online dating you need to be willing to post photos of yourself.
I’m not all that attractive, but I look really awful on film. The problem is my eyes automatically shut for the flash, and one always shuts faster than the other – I usually look drunk or deranged in photographs. Thus I believe it is extremely possible to be attractive but not photogenic. One need only see the outtakes from America’s Next Top Model finalists to prove that. Some people just do not photograph well.
Definitely. I may have said “I wouldn’t bother to meet someone who wouldn’t send me a photo,” but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t. You definitely should. And then tell us all about it!
Unless she really does happen to be a vampire. In that case, forget I said anything.
It could be a combination of being unphotogenic and not having pictures taken very often. I’m fairly attractive, but I tend not to come out well in photos, especially candids. I do have a few good shots, and I haven’t changed much since they were taken…but I was 18 then (and looked even younger) and am 23 now. Even though they’re good, I’d be hesitant to show them off, because it was so long ago. I don’t have any decent photos that were taken within the last year–although I do still have to get my wedding pictures back.
I don’t really know why I don’t shoot well. Maybe it’s a combination of an angular nose (thanks Mom!) and round cheeks (thanks Dad!).
I’m not trying to be mean, but this made me laugh and laugh, especially the one eye closing faster than the other. I imagine you have some real keepers from over the years.
For some reason, my eyes often do the “devil red eye” thing in a lot of pictures.
Maybe not red flag level, but I find it odd as well. Sounds like she’s insecure about her looks. Which in no way means she’s not attractive. In fact women who worry about their looks also tend to be very mindful of them. If she didn’t give a shit she’d have just sent out the picture already.
And if you meet her and decide there is zero physical attraction, well, she kinda set herself up.
ETA: In answer to the actual question, I think anyone can look bad if you get the wrong angle. Maybe she’s too shy to ask a friend to take a nice picture?
Give her a chance. I used to work with a guy who was handsome, sexy, charismatic, funny, and fun to be with. All the women in our office lusted for him. He showed me a picture of himself once, and OMG, it was not good! If I’d seen the pic before knowing him in the flesh, believe me, I would not have been impressed. It wasn’t that he was ugly in the photo; it just wasn’t the person I knew. (And besides, that, it was just a head shot, and in person, it was the whole package that had the impact – funnym good build, nice butt, etc.) A photo can’t convey chemistry between two people; can’t convey voice and tonal quality; isn’t animate; can’t laugh at your lame jokes, etc. etc. As for those posters who think it’s weird that she doesn’t want to post a photo – we women have too much experience with the shallow types who are interested only in looks. She’s thinking: “if I show this photo of myself to him, I’ll never hear from him again.” Go for it.
Thanks everyone for all the feedback. I would seriously consider not following up with her…since the no photo thing is a definite red flag. But then I also have to consider the fact that ummm… She is only the second connection I have made through online dating that was interested in meeting me…the first one did send a picture and I declined further contact…
I give it VERY low odds I will find her attractive…but I am willing to gamble an hour or so of my time away for the experience.
And sure, I will post a report for you all to laugh at.
That happens to me too, although usually both eyes close very fast.
I chalk it up to having super-fast reflexes.
It has to do with the amount of pigment in your retina - people with lighter colored eyes tend to have more red-eye effect. Puppies often show a blue reflection, while cats (except for Siamese) often reflect green. It’s kind of a neat phenomenon; I have a collection of photos showing red-eye, yellow-eye, green-eye, and blue-eye.
I feel I look a lot better in the mirror than in a photo. So I agree that it is highly possible. I would provide a photo on request, but would probably give a disclaimer.
Up until a year ago, I would have had a difficult time finding a photo of me that I didn’t hate. Now I have 2 photos of me that fall into the “that doesn’t completely suck” category, but I have many, many more that do suck.
In fact, I have a picture from when my daughter was a baby in which I look very much like Howard Stern.
I’m female.
The Dopers I have met in person can (hopefully) confirm that I do not, in fact, look like Howard Stern.
If, however, I was doing the online dating thing, I’d keep taking pictures until I found one that I could send out.
