(Mods, if this belongs in IMHO, please move it. )
Ok, I’ve finally made an appointment with a lawyer to divorce my husband of 19 years. We’ve been separated for 7 years. A quick background on the man:
He is on disability for a bad back. Now, I’m not saying he’s faking it, but he has pretty much given up on life. He doesn’t work, obviously, but, all he wants to do is watch TV.
He was a heavy drinker when I was living with him. When I first left him, he stopped. He had an out of control temper, too. I let him come over and we were “together” for 6 1/2 years. When he would come over, he would lie on my couch watching TV and eating my food. He never spent the night and he made it very clear to me that he did not want to have sex.
I couldn’t cook because he had “delicate sinuses” and it would give him a headache. (Really I am a good cook.)
We would only watch the shows on TV that he wanted to watch. He turned them up loudly. He knew certain shows were upsetting to me but he would watch them anyway.
Pretty much, he would never pay for anything. He got rid of his cable TV and watched mine. He is probably the most self-centered, clueless man that ever existed. If I tried to say “I don’t like it when you…” (which is supposed to work according to counselors/psychologists) he’d turn it all around and tell me I was doing that.
I’ve been working on my self for the past three years. I lost 50 pounds (he was not all that impressed). I do a lot of yoga, and I have been reading a lot of books about metaphysics and positive attitudes.
Now, I spoke to him on the phone. He wants to refinance his house…and guess what? They don’t want to give him a new loan unless I cosign. I told him I wouldn’t do this until I spoke to the lawyer. He told me I’d be doing him a big favor if I did this. Since my name is on the old loan, I think he should sell the house and split the profits. That would be a huge hardship on him. I don’t want to be the cause of that, but I don’t want to leave a 19 year marriage with nothing.
I feel like I did all the giving in this marriage...anything I wanted I had to fight for. He didn't even want me to get a Master's Degree, which is an investment for a teacher and results in a substantial pay raise.
So, there you have it...I think I'm going to be the evil bitch who causes the man to lose his house. Any thoughts?