Could someone talk some sense into me, pls.?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
61

That’s kinda what I pinged on. I don’t care if you were armed with mace, a stun-gun, an M-16 slung over your shoulder and brass knuckles on both hands - the very idea he left you standing in a parking lot (I don’t care if you’ve got your own car) - just irks my every man-fiber.

You don’t drive off without ensuring your woman friend has already safely driven off in her car.

Find yourself a younger buck. Or at least a buck who can still… well you know. Buck.

This guy doesn’t know a fantastic thing when she’s standing right there. In the parking lot.

62

Good point lev. Who in the hell lets ANY friend go off to their car without making sure they are able to leave safely. I have coworkers I walk out with and we always wait until both cars are started and moving before the other leaves.

I guess if he picked you up, it would have been ok for him to sit outside and honk, eh?

Are you certain this guy is 62? Maybe he has progeria

63

My husband always waited until I was inside with the light on before he would drive away. Driving by you in the parking lot isn’t a big deal, but it’s not very gentlemanly. I don’t know what your stand is on gentlemen, twicks, but I like 'em; I’m totally cool with men acting decently towards me.

As for the “friends only” thing, if you think you can be friends with him without it getting even slightly complicated, go for it. If you are trying to just be friends with him, though, I wonder why you opened the relationship door with him by asking him why he was “so fuckin’ stupid.” :dubious:

64

As usual featherlou hits the nail on the head. All I can say is “ditto”.

65

Bolding mine. I submit that six weeks isn’t long enough to recognize that someone is truly TMOYD, twickster.

Six weeks is long enough to have those great conversastions wherein it comes out that you both like J. P. Donleavy novels and Aki Kaurismaki films, and you both think Mahler’s Fourth is overrated, and you both think the Ginger Chicken at Pho Hoa Binh is the world’s greatest food. It’s not long enough to really know someone.

WARNING: Baseless speculation ahead. Everything I’m about to say may be wrong.

I suspect that you’re thinking of the relationship this way: You met The Perfect Man, the one you’d been looking for, and all that jazz, but then his “intimacy freakout” sort of happened to him, instead of being done by him.

I don’t see it that way. I think that after six weeks you were still in the “getting to know each other” phase, and his freakout is more accurately characterized as the revelation of another facet of his personality; he wasn’t “changing,” but rather showing you that side of him for the first time. It may have seemed out of character because you hadn’t seen it before, and so it didn’t jibe with your mental image of who he was inside.

There are problems at work here. I’m not bothered by the refusal to take Viagra per se so much as I’m bothered by the (as you characterize it) unyielding, foot-down nature of it. Clinging so [del]fanatically[/del] rigidly to one’s own personal dogma is, IMO, a majorly bad sign in a potential mate.

I’m with the majority opinion: Keep on walking, sister.

66

Much wisdom is written here, y’all – I hope to absorb some of it.

Yeah, in retrospect, it’s pretty freakin’ clear that what happened was the only thing that could have happened. And, yeah, in retrospect, it is clear that I’m better off without him, if he really wanted to be with me he’d make that happen, etc. etc. etc. And etc.

I was really knocked for a loop by this whole experience, which was five months ago. And I thought I’d dealt with it at the time – discussed it with friends ad nauseaum (and, yes, my various guy friends pointed out immediately that I deserve better, he’s an asshole on the ED thing, this is all about him and not about my worth or allure as a woman, etc.).

But, apparently, with my life in an uproar, I wanted to find out if he’d come to his senses. And he hasn’t. So, on with my life.

BTW, it’s interesting to me that everyone’s freaking out about him not walking me to my car and watching me drive off – not even a blip on my radar. It was 4:30 in the afternoon, broad daylight, in a large, busy parking lot. If it had been at night, or in a less public area, I’d certainly expect him to walk me to my car, but it didn’t strike me as odd in the least that he didn’t.

Again, thanks for the support, everyone…

67

You deserve someone who is passionate about you, twickster. Not someone who’s passionate about running away from you.

68

The thing is though, it’s just sort of a guy thing. I know it was daylight, and perfectly safe. That’s not really the point. Maybe it’s chauvinist. Maybe we’re just a little nosy in our own way. We want to check out your car, if nothing else. Tires look like they could use a little air. Wipers are looking kinda worn out. That paint could use a good waxing. It shows you care. Kinda like how women generally can’t resist plucking a piece of lint off a man’s sweater. Even if it’s just a platonic caring.

69

Thanks for giving us the update, twickster. I’m glad to hear that you’re not about to invest more time, effort, and emotional energy into this guy. As just about everyone in this thread has been saying, you deserve much, much better.

70

FWIW, I always watch a friend (male or female) go to their vehicle, get in, start up and start moving before I pull away.
They could have a dead battery, a flat tire, keys locked in the car or any number of problems and their only contact has left. As to safety, I remember seeing store video recordings of women abducted in a parking lot while entering their car in broad daylight.
I only takes an extra minute and it has proved benifital on several occasions.