I agree that you inevitably get drawn into some kind of drama sooner or later. These people are not sex addicts because they’re emotionally healthy and stable. Every female I’ve known who was like that had been sexually abused as a child. One of the guys had been too, but, interestingly, the two biggest horndogs I’ve known (guys who I knew separately, at different times in my life, in different states), had both lost their mothers at an early age to cancer.
One thing that always happens if you’re close buddies to a guy like that is that you end up getting pulled into their infidelity dramas. They start asking you to cover for them on the phone, you get aggrieved women buttonholing you in public and pumping you for information. It’s virtually impossible to stay out of it. You always ebd up n situations where you have to choose between lying for the guy, or telling the truth about him and becoming part of the drama.
The girls attract a lot of abusive or controlling assholes who know that you must be fucking her yourself and want to fight you about it.
It’s not just some minor little private quirk like stamp collecting or something. It informs a lot of their personality, it’s a result of past baggage, and they’re always emotionally chaotic people. That doesn’t mean they’re bad people, but they’re addicts, and addicts always end up affecting those around them.
I’m a 46 year old woman and I have many female friends. I have a few male friends, (not so many; I work in a very female occupation) who also have had multiple serial relationships and countless hookups. Some of my friends have asked advice managing their romances, dramas and STDs. They are my friends because I like them. They are sweet and fun and generous. They are human and trying. None of us are perfect and we only seldom get everything right for any long period of time and almost never the first time we try.
I don’t let their sexual past or their credit card debt determine if I like them or not.
Cyn, RN, who found out some of those porn night nurse story-lines have a basis in truth.
First off, does anyone know people who’ve literally had hundreds of sexual partners. I’ve had buddies who slept with a lot of girls, but I don’t really think any of them reached 100 or even got close to that. Sounds more like rock star or uber-rich type territory.
But I would say it could work out for the good or the bad. Maybe he or she would be a dick only worried about their own dick (which IME is more likely), or they could be cool and maybe send some my way. haha
I’ve known one guy whose partners I believe probably really did number in the hundreds. He was gay, though, so he was shooting at a much lower basket than the straight guys.
I suppose it would be hard on my friend for a while, as I’ve always wanted to be promiscuous but have never had the courage. I’d probably ask lots of annoying questions for a while. Hopefully it would not take me too long to get back to whatever it was we were talking about before the sex-topic came up.
I’ve known at least 3 heterosexual males who’ve had over a hundred different sex partners. None of them were famous or particularly rich. In fact, the guy I mentioned in my post above is a perpetually underemployed alcoholic. Granted as he hits his forties his life is starting to fall apart badly, but back in the day he cut a broad swath through a number of very attractive women. He claims to have slept with over 200 women, and based on what I’ve seen I believe it.
I’d have no problem with it at all. I always wouldn’t share a straw with them either. I had a friend who was a prostitute for a while (I knew her before, during, and after that time frame).
I *am *“that guy”. I spent my ill-spent youth in Hollywood, running a modeling agency. In those few years I had some sort of sexual contact with several hundred women- mostly wanna-be models and actresses. Wild parties, the whole bit.
I grew out of it, moved out, got a real job, and now don’t “sleep around”. But it *was *an experience, I can tell you.
That of itself wouldn’t bar me from being friends with the guy.
Now, if he’s a skeez or a dick or a sex addict or abusive… if he doesn’t at the very least respect himself and these women, use condoms, etc… that’s a horny horse of a different color.
But just getting laid a lot without commitment? Not a problem.
If it was still part of their lifestyle, I don’t think I would be friends with them. We make all kinds of judgments about who we choose to be friends with. Is anyone equally willing to be friends with anyone no matter what they do? (racial slurs, political protests, fall for Nigerian scams, forward glurge?) Seems unlikely to me.
If it’s a woman, I don’t buy that this is likely to be safe sex. Relying on guys you barely know to use condoms correctly or to tell you the truth about their sexual history is not, IMHO, safe sex. If it’s a guy and he had a vasectomy and swore he always wore condoms, I’d be a little more inclined to believe he was actually taking appropriate care.
Main reason for not being their friends is the drama issue, which I agree with others is near inevitable.
If it was just something from their past, I wouldn’t hold that against them. My guess is if they were the kind of person I’d like to be friends with, and that was in their past, it’s something they’d consider TMI for general conversation.
Just friends? Sure. Sexual partner? No way - I’m a monogamist, I just don’t think our views on relationships would be compatible. My age: mid-40’s.
Also, I strongly doubt the claims of anyone saying they’ve had hundreds of sex partners. I know it’s possible, but it still sounds like bragging to me.
I don’t know, but I really don’t think I could, at least not if they were still engaging in that kind of stuff. It just speaks to a fundamental difference in basic values big enough that I don’t know we could bridge it well enough to be friends. Friendly acquaintances, sure, but probably not real friends.
Besides, ime the people who sleep around most are most likely to want to tell you all about all the gory details of their current sex lives. On a scale of 1-10, my interest in other people’s sex lives is about -40.
I’ve had both straight & gay male as well as female friends who were VERY promiscuous back in our nightclub going days, as well as some friends in local bands who could pick up a different girl every night if they really liked.
It seemed the females averaged about one new lover (or plaything) every two weeks counting both short relationships, and one night stands - my guess is to reach 200+, it would take about 8 years for the average - and for the men, about one successful pickup per week who would go to bed with them - which would take about 4 years.
200 hundred is not outside of the range of possible, but it requires an extremely active social life, such as being on the nightclub/party scene every other night just to find enough prospects who would say YES.
That being said, I would not look down on someone who had a promiscuous past, but I doubt I would currently have enough in common with someone with a promiscuous present.
Then there is the issues that Diogenes the Cynic mentioned. Every girl & gay man I had know in that lifestyle had been abused sexually too, and had massive emotional issues, and strangely enough, three of the 5 guys in that lifestyle, I know 100% had lost their mother before they turned 16.
Some people just love to get laid. When you are in your 20s and 30s ,it can be a driving force in your life. Most slow down when they get older. It is very little info to judge anyone.
