First, people just couldn’t shut the fuck up about how I eat.
Now it seems my sleeping habits are up for consideration.
I like to sleep. A lot (both the liking and the amount of sleeping). My hero is Sleepy from Show White and the Seven Dwarfs. I can go to bed at 11:00 p.m. and sleep until 3:00 p.m. the next afternoon, no problem.
Sadly, this seems to just piss everyone else off:
[ul][li]My parents. Lord how they love to bemoan my sleeping late. (I should add my sisters to this list as well.) It sticks in my father’s craw and irritates my mother to no end. If we’d had something planned to do - say, do some cleaning or some other chores - then I would get up and help. However, if we had no such plans, why are you angry that I’m still asleep? And waking me up by loudly throwing my door open and yelling at me, or dumping a glass of water on my head (my mother did this once) will only succeed in making me hate you for the entirety of the day.[/li]
[li]My friends. Although not angered by my excessive nocturnal jaunts, they find great delight and amusement in taunting me about it. If it’s not the habit of mocking me for the habit (“God, you’re still not awake?!?!”), it’s relishing the fact that when I finally do get out of bed, I am irritable and cranky - relish it by way of teasing and taunting me at that particular moment. Simple rule of thumb - do not speak to me in the morning until I have spoken to you first. Don’t get in my way, don’t say good morning, don’t engage me in conversation - or, if you do, deal with the fact that I will be snappish at you. (I suppose I shouldn’t hold my breath here - I’ve been this way for nigh over 30 years, and in all the time I lived at home, my parents never really learned this.) What it will take for me to engage you in civilized discourse is, at the very least, my first cup of tea. Comments like, “Oh, look - he’s finally up!” or “Gee, you look like hell - maybe you should take a nap?” or “GASP! IT LIVES!” will only guarantee that I will harbor some pent-up rage against you, and it will take the rest of the day for it to abate. Is it unreasonable? Probably. But I don’t think the small request of asking you to not speak to me first thing in the morning is too much of a stretch. (I just had this conversation with jkusters and thomasm the other night - we’ll see if they learn if I never have to post their obituaries in MPSIMS.) Oh, and it is especially annoying when you know I’m like this and do it anyway. “But I just love pushing your buttons - they’re so big and shiny and red and blinking!” I told your boyfriend to tell you to knock it off because if I’d said it to you, he’d be out a boyfriend. Yes, I know by and large I’m a huge target and I allow people to make fun of me and I go along with the joke and yadda yadda yadda - that’s all well and good, just not first thing in the morning.[/li]
[li]My chew toy. I know we’re new to the whole relationship and everything, but you’re going to have to learn all of what I just wrote. No, I’m not going to change - I’m a night person, I like staying up late and sleeping all day. Yes, I realize you’re ex-military, so up at the crack of dawn, and no pussy snooze button for you. But waking up and then waking ME up because you woke up and then spending the ENTIRE MORNING saying, “God, I can’t believe you sleep so much,” isn’t going to make me want to spend any more nights with you. Look, if we make plans to be somewhere in the mornings, I’m perfectly willing to do so, and I’m perfectly capable of being there on time (well, almost - I’m late for everything). I can wake up earlier - if I set my alarm. If I don’t set my alarm, believe it or not, I actually do sleep the entire time. I don’t wake up, look at the clock, chuckle evilly to myself and say, “Those bastards - I’m going to go back to sleep just to spite them!” I also don’t lie there for six hours just to piss you off. I SLEEP. It’s the way I’m built. Deal with it.[/ul][/li]
Here endeth the ranting. I’m going to bed.