Ooooh, but getting hit in the crotch really hurts for females, too. Or at least it did for me.

When I was 10 or so, I was roller skating with some friends. I got off-balance and fell with my right leg crumpling under me. The roller skate smashed right into my cootch-area (I suppose the big thing was that it slammed into the pelvic bone).

Oh.Good.God. I couldn’t see anything, everything was black with tiny blue specks. I couldn’t even hear anything, and I know my friends were asking me if I was all right (since hearing was slowly restored and they were asking that as if they’d been saying it for quite a bit). I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t move because it felt like I was gonna die if I did. That was the most horrible pain I’ve ever been in, and I’ve had my kneecap torn away from my knee cartilage, and menstrual cramps so bad that I vomited up my lunch and passed out on the school’s bathroom floor for a few seconds.

And once I was riding a friend’s brother’s bike and slipped off the seat. OWIE!!!

Oddly, on the pill my cramps were more noticeable than when I’m off. Though I haven’t ever had ones as bad as some posters, mine did get less intense when I hit my late teens. You all have my deepest sympathy, and an industrial-sized bottle of ibuprofen.

My gyn suggested that I take my birth control pills (ortho tricyclen) for three months, skipping the placebo pills as a remedy for cramps. It has been a godsend, both for pain and plain inconvenience. Maybe you can talk to your doctor and see if this would help you.

My mother seems concerned that I don’t really get periods anymore. I get a sort of trickle with a few twinges every few months, but that’s it.

Me? I’m not concerned. As a matter of fact, I am so incredibly thankful that I no longer have to deal with popping Anaprox or Aleve the second I feel a twinge, going home from school once/week, crying, vomiting etc…

Thank goodness for DepoProvera.

My god. Home from school once/MONTH.

If I had had a period once a week, I would have killed myself by now, for sure.

I don’t get period pain, but my doctor also has recommended skipping the placebo pills. I have a period approximately every six months, when I choose to.

I remember trying to explain that I had cramps to a male manager-I didn’t say straight out it was my period, just that I was sick and couldn’t come in. He wanted me to come anyways.

The next time, I just told him I had my period. Then they just said, “Oh, no problem.”


Never take Midol PMS in the morning. SHIT, that stuff is strong! I was so wonked out I took a FOUR HOUR NAP. Of course, no cramps. And I still feel drowsy. Fuck this shit.

I didn’t get them this bad when I was in high school, but now-hooboy.

Oh, and guys, rest assured, I would never kick you in the nuts. Unless, of course, you deserved it. I’ll take another Midol before bed or drink some hot tea.

I’ve seen those new Therma patches that are supposed to help. I’d like to try them for a change. Holy JESUS, I get cramps so bad. My sister has had to stay home from school a couple of times. My mother thinks we exaggerate. I certainly don’t. Ugh.

I do want to have kids someday. But like, why couldn’t there be a switch to turn on or off, until I’m READY to have kids. sigh

There is such a switch. It comes in pill form. See my post above and the story I linked to.

But you’re rewarded for suffering cramps by having orgasms approximately ten times as intense as men have.

I honestly don’t know whether I’d make the trade.

Well, if it helps any they get less painful as you get older. They also lessen in severity after having babies. (I used to have such awful cramps that they actually made me throw up).

I guess that beats having pms though. Although, aren’t physical symptoms considered pms too?, I guess I should clarify and say “at least that beats having mental symptoms of pms”.

I just wish I would fucking stop bleeding. I’m on fucking Ovrette, which is a no-estrogen pill where you take a constant dose, every day, no sugar pills or whatever. “Some women don’t experience any period at all on this formulation,” the nurse practitioner hopefully when telling me she would not prescribe even Allesse for me when my blood pressure remained above normal. Yeah, I’ll believe that shit when I see it, I thought. On Triphasil, I was fine. On Allesse, a low-estrogen formulation, I had tons of breakthrough bleeding. I was not optimistic about a pill with no estrogen. And, sure enough, I have been bleeding for fifteen motherfucking days. And not namby-pampy, pantiliner spotting, neither. I’ve been varying randomly from light-but-consistant flow to full-on, clotted, four-super-tampons-a-day bleeding accompanied by four-Advil cramps. For fifteen fucking days. Or rather, fifteen no-fucking days. No offense to people who do it, but the last thing I’m interested in during my period is sex. Messy, sticky, impossible to get lubricated . . . To hell with that.

No fucking way am I going through this for another month. When this pack runs out, I’m going to march my dripping, crampy womb back to the doctor’s office and demand something with some fucking estrogen in it. (Thank heavens that I’ve lost enough weight to get my blood pressure down, so they might actually prescribe for me . . .)

At least my cramps haven’t been worse than usual. I feel for you, Guin. Best wishes for relaxation of smooth muscles.

This always helps me.

Take 2-3 advil or extra strength Tylenol. Go to a dark, quiet room. Lay down on your side on a flat surface at a 45 degree angle. Bring your knees up, put your head down, wrap your arms around the ouchie bits, and let out a low moan. Keep moaning. It’s the only sound that doesn’t hurt.

I get really bad cramps, and this is all I can do. If I have things to do I take the advil to hopefully get some pain relief and function. If not, I take the tylenol. Tylenol will either make me sleep or make me hallucinate. Either will do to take my mind off of the cramps.

Sweetie, we all sympathize. But the 5-10 minutes you just described, while admittedly agonizing and worthy of sympathy are likely not on a par with truly brutal cramps and FTR, don’t come CLOSE to childbirth.

Oh, and on the frantic sex-no can do. No one around to have frantic sex with. sigh

On the other hand, I did have a big bowl of moose track ice cream.

It’s especially fun when they begin in the middle of algebra/trig.

High school sucks.

And the pad/tampon machines are always empty. I can understand this at my present school, as they have no budget and people would vandalize the machine anyway, but last year I went to an all girls’ school, where the pad/tampon machines were never filled either.

When I was in high school, in the 1990s, we STILL had the old fashioned pin-on pads that you were supposed to use with a belt. Who the fuck filled these machines?

After suffering for years with this, I finally found a doctor who understood what the problem was. I have endometriosis.

Endometriosis is often misdiagnosed or ignored by doctors. (I had one who diagnosed me with it, and recommended I have a baby which would “clear it right up.” My mother, a fellow sufferer, said he was an idiot.) It’s a little-understood condition, and millions of women may have it, but be unaware, thinking they just have “bad periods.”

The first treatment I was given was 550 mg of Naproxen Sodium, now sold OTC. It reduced the pain, but didn’t entirely eliminate it.

Finally, a fellow sufferer recommended a doctor who treats endometriosis. Her first suggestion was that I go on Depro-Prevera, the birth control shot. It worked! The pain is completely gone. I usually don’t have periods, but when I do, they are light and unaccompanied by cramps. I gained about two pounds, but otherwise have had no side effects, other than soreness in the injection site after the shot.

I strongly suggest that those of you how have puking-crying-rolling-on-the-floor-in-agony periods have yourselves checked for this condition. Find yourself a good doctor, and get treated for it. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SUFFER! My treatment has changed my life.

You can actually make one of these things yourself - get some thick felt from a fabric store (or somewhere that sells fabrics - I got mine at Wal-Mart), sew it into a bag-ish shape (my mom does teddy bears, but then my mom’s been sewing since she was a little girl), and fill it with long-grain rice. Put it in the microwave for ~3 mins, and voila, moist heat that you can take anywhere. It’s good for aches and pains other than period cramps, too.

[small]YMMV… but I’ve found that 1 orgasm is a lot more effective than 2-3 Advils.[/small]

Of course, sometimes you have to take the 2-3 Advils and take it easy because, hey, you’re at work.

Show me the person who can present an objective view on this, my friend.