Crazy, wild, hot sex at the bowling alley (long)

In My Humble Opinion
1

My sister and I joined a bowling league as a doubles team- it’s the first time I’ve ever bowled, and she’s a veteran.

So it’s a Monday Night Football league and is huge fun. We watch football on the monitors instead of the score, and everyone has a great time. We all cheer each other on, and it’s a very social thing.

So needless to say, I’ve met many people at this bowling league, all very nice people. Some people stay after the bowling is done to watch the end of the Monday night game at the bar. (Which I always do, since I rarely work on Tuesdays) Sometimes my sister does, also, and several other league members as well.

Well, the last two weeks we’ve ended up sitting with and chatting with two guys in the league that also stay after. They are very nice guys- one is about 43ish and one is late 30s/early 40s. My husband knows one of them (I ran into him and introduced them) from years ago.

Anyhoo, we’re hanging out after bowling, drinking beer and chatting, and the younger guy got up to go someplace. My sister had also disappeared for a few minutes. The older guy looks me straight in the eye and says:

“When you stay after bowling here talking with Bill and I- doesn’t your husband think you’re fooling around? I mean, if he walked in here right now, wouldn’t he be upset that you were sitting at a table with me drinking and watching the game?”

Needless to say, I was stunned. I answered him honestly. “If my husband walked in here right now he would ask how bowling was, introduce himself to you, and sit down with us. I do not fool around on my husband or entertain ideas of cheating on him. What kind of man would suspect you of cheating on him with some guy you met 4 weeks ago at bowling?”
I then asked:
“Would YOU suspect your hypothetical wife of cheating on YOU?” to which he answered “Maybe”.

(This guy has mentioned that he wishes he would get remarried, etc. He is dating someone, but she doesn’t come to bowling)

I gave him some advice, since he brought it up. I said “Look, let me tell you one thing: If you don’t believe your girlfriend/wife can go out bowling and sit with people of whatever gender and talk for while without thinking about cheating on you, YOU have a problem. It’s a pretty serious one, and I suggest you talk to someone about it.”

I found his implication that I was “unfaithful” to my husband by being friendly to my leaguemates offensive, although I don’t think he meant it that way. He seemed genuinely curious as to what my husband’s reaction would be, since his obviously would be vastly different.

What do you think? If you spouse/SO spent time after bowling watching football and chatting (sports talk, general chatter- nothing particularly deep), would you be angry? Jealous? Happy? My husband told me he was glad I’m getting out and making new friends. Is that so abnormal?

Zette

2

Hey, where’s the hot sex?

I opened this thread for the hot sex and all I got is some goofball hypothetical questions about married people. I’m suing somebody.

3

Crazy, wild, hot sex at the bowling alley? I’ve done that…

Wait, that’s not what the OP is actually about.

To answer your question, as long as I knew where he was and what he was doing I’d be fine with it. He has to have his own life, too, after all, and I trust him. Now, if he was coming home from the bowling alley at 2 in the morning smelling like some other woman and being shady about where he’d been, then I’d have a problem… But really, there’s nothing wrong with sitting around talking with people of either gender. Heck, lots of my friends are male, and I go out to lunch with them all the time without anything shifty happening, so there’s no reason Gun couldn’t have female friends without anything shifty happening. If a person is really that suspicious, they have problems, IMHO.

4

I can’t imagine wanting to live with, let alone be married to, someone I didn’t trust a great deal.

5

Sounds to me like he was fishing for an opening…

6

The mere fact that my wife hung out with friends - bowling buddies or any thing else - would not cause “cheating” to leap to my mind, no.

But I agree with Tranquilis - the guy was looking for an opening. If he gets the speech you gave him, he shrugs and discusses the philosophical ramifications of being a trusting spouse.

If he hears, “What my husband doesn’t know won’t hurt him - he thinks this is a womens’ league, anyway…” then maybe there’s a chance to score.

  • Rick
7

I think Zette’s sister and the yonger guy are getting it on while this coversation is happening.

“Yeah baby, how 'bout you 7-10 split those legs and I’ll send it down the center.”
:smiley:

8

Some Other Woman[sup]TM[/sup] - sounds like a great fragrance line. “Want to drive you wife wild? Wear Some Other Woman[sup]TM[/sup] - she’ll go mad!”

Seriously, I trust my wife, but I don’t trust other men (I am one after all). Her spending an evening with Another Man[sup]TM[/sup] (bodyspray perhaps?) isn’t my idea of a good idea.

I don’t go and hang with single women. If I spend time without the wife in social settings, I am sure to hang with my buddies. I don’t wish to make her wonder, or feel uncomfortable, and I don’t wish to put myself in a situation where I will be hit on (not that I’m a babe magnet or anything).

Just my way of handling things.

9

But you know you’re not supposed to shoot with two balls at once, right?

10

Are you serious here? I’m far from an innocent in life, but I honestly never thought that. In fact, I find it amusing. “Hmmmm…my husband? Well, if he saw us here together, he’d probably recruit the cute girl at the snack bar and we’d all stip naked and shag on the freshly oiled lanes!”

It had not occured to me that he was “scoping me” as a potential something. I think that since I am married (and sickeningly in love, devoted, and faithful) no one would bother anymore. ::shrug::

I will keep my guard a bit higher from now on. (I planned that anyway after that last conversation. Nothing spells “weirdo” like someone who implies that he might think a spouse who has male aquaintences is cheating)

I may just print that out for her. That is damned funny!

Zette

11

Remember the T-shirt? “Johnson’s: World’s biggest bowling balls. No split’s too wide if you have a big Johnson.”

12

Men react differently to finding their wives in the company of other men. The vast majority are in healthy, stable relationships, and would do exactly what your husband would do (the pulling up a chair and joining the conversation part, not the recruiting the cute snack girl part).

However, some men will react, um, poorly. Typically, as a matter of courtesy and enlightened self-interest, one will avoid even the appearance of impropriety (by having others around, etc). When that becomes impossible (if the escorts dissapper, for instance), it is not entirely unreasonable to ask, in some subtle manner, “So, is your husband the extremely jealous type? Is he a big guy? Prone to violent outbursts? Is this going to, you know, get me killed?” While your husband would not mind, I assure you that there are some who would.

All that said, he was probably scoping you. Oh, there is one other possible explaination - you say he is looking to get remarried. This implies a past marriage that may have ended badly; this could introduce trust issues, and he may have just been looking to talk about that with someone.

13

bashere,
I think you’re on to something. I talk about my husband a lot, so maybe he’s just wondering about the dynamics that go on in our relationship and how it’s all possible. I am also going to school for psychology, and people find me a very trusted source of gut spilling. He may be looking for advice or an ear- I don’t know. It wouldn’t be the first time, that’s for sure.

In any case, his motives aren’t the real question here. My question is:

What do you think? If you spouse/SO spent time after bowling watching football and chatting (sports talk, general chatter- nothing particularly deep), would you be angry? Jealous? Happy? My husband told me he was glad I’m getting out and making new friends. Is that so abnormal?
Zette

14

Yep, that would be my bet then. More “Any pointers on how to have a happy marriage” than anything else.

To answer your actual OP, I’d be pretty happy for me wife if she was out making new friends, doing something that she enjoyed. I cannot speak to whether or not that is abnormal, but most of my friends have reacted the same way when their wives have found new interests or pastimes.

15

Hell, I d*mn-near have to boot my wife out the door. She’s more introverted than I am, and only within the last few months has she made any friends in the local area.

Of course, if she went bowling, I’d be there too…

16

Hell, no, it’s not abnormal. In fact, I think that guy was not only fishing for an opening, but that he has watched entirely too much shitty television to think that such a line would even work.

17

I got into this thread a little late, but that was also my first thought. This man has trust issues, and if he was married before, they are likely a result of a bad situation there. As such he would probably be interested in finding out how other couples handled these situations. I think Occams Razor can slice either way here depending on what you think his character is like. Either he’s “testing the waters” with you or he’s genuinely curious about the trust relationships. Being a nice guy myself, I would tend towards the second interpretation. I know that if I ever asked this question of anyone it would be out of genuine curiosity.

**

My spouse in particular? I’d think she had gone nuts. She can’t stand watching the vast majority of sports(live baseball being the only exception as far as I know). She likes to bowl occasionally, but I just don’t see this kind of thing happening. I would also be glad that she was getting out and making friends, I have gone so far as to sign her up for martial arts classes and escort her to the dojo the first few times and then watch the kids(a much bigger job than you might think when one of them is breastfed and absolutely HATES to take breast milk from a bottle. Took me over half an hour of rocking and soothing each night to get her to take the bottle, it feels really different and freaks out most breastfed kids. This class was twice a week with optional class on Saturday) Wife felt terribly guilty about leaving me with the kids, but we both knew she needed the time out of the house, activity, and friendship. I’d jump up and down if she would organize some social activities for herself. Her high point right now is the bi-weekly games of Magic that we host where some old friends of mine come by and play cards until the wee hours. She has made some friends recently, but she has a hard time getting close to people without almost constant interaction.

To generalize this, I would have to say that men who have gotten past the “territorialism” of relationships actively encourage their spouses to have friendships outside the home and don’t care who/what gender the friends are as long as the friendships seem healthy(for some definition of “healthy” of course). I don’t have trust issues with my wife because I know that it takes two to tango, I don’t worry about her when she is out with others(well, I did once when she was six hours late picking me up from work and hadn’t told me she was going out, but that’s different) and she doesn’t worry about me. Both of us feel free to discuss our feelings/needs with each other and do our best to meet them within our relationship so we don’t feel there are any “itches” we would need a third party to scratch.

Steven

18

ME TOO! i am sooooooooo lucky to not be in jail right now because of it, also!

19

Based solely on what’s been related in this thread so far, I’m with those who say the guy was sending out a lure. He had no intention about getting you in the boat right then and there, but he was gauging the response to a possible – and more serious – attempt at a later time. To you, thinking about it as a “come-on” is weird. To me, it sounds like any number of oblique conversational approaches I might have tried in my youth, designed to determine the availability and interest of a woman without committing to anything I couldn’t deny later if it went poorly.

And I also agree with those who say a healthy relationship doesn’t need to fear this kind of social interaction. Hell, at various times, each of us has gone without the other to hang out and talk with former flames. I hadn’t even really thought much about it until this thread. That’s trust.

20

(Clarifying my poor writing: By “each of us,” above, I mean my wife and I. She’s hung out with a former boyfriend without me there, I’ve hung out with a former girlfriend without my wife around, we both knew it, it wasn’t a problem, etc., etc., as I should have written in my original message instead of tagging on a lame postscript.)