Cream cheese on my bagel

Look, fucktards: when I order a bagel with cream cheese, I expect to get a bagel with cream cheese–not cream cheese with some bagel. I do not desire a one-inch slab of cream cheese laminated to the two halves of my bagel. Not only does this make me gag, but I do not desire to become a fatass or a cardiac patient. It’s a simple concept: spread a modest amount of cream cheese on my bagel–enough to alert me to the fact that there is cream cheese on my bagel–but not so much that I’m forced to use that dessicated carrot stick that came with the bagel to scrape off that small mountain of goo you expect me to eat in one sitting. Save it for the next dozen people after me in line, or use it to spackle the textured walls of that den you’re remodelling. And if you go easy on the cream cheese, you might even save enough to pay for your upcoming angioplasty.

Next week: Fish sandwiches and tartar sauce.

Wow.

Lamest. OP. This. Week.

I agree with the OP. It’s not supposed to be a cream chesse sandwich, and even if it was, there’d* still* be too much cream cheese.

There’s no such thing as too much cream cheese. Mmm, sweet, sweet cream cheese.

You know, you can probably ask for “a little cream cheese”. Call me crazy, but it just might work!

Me? I’ll take the slab, and eat every bit of it.

Whatever, dude(ette?). I’d rather have too much and scrape some off than too little and be SOL. I’d suggest, next time you get too much cream cheese, you cry out, “Serenity Now!” If you do this often and loud enough, I’m sure your purveyor of bagels will ensure that you never have too much cream cheese at that location again. Failing this, your backup plan might include a toaster, a knife, a tub of cream cheese, and two or three ground-up valiums.

(Can anyone fill me in on why there’s a dry carrot included with the bagel? Can you substitute it for a not-so-moist brussels sprout?)

…And why do you always get only 2/3 the tartar sauce you actually need to finish your fish…

Oh, sorry, that’s next week. Never mind.

After extensive experience using a large sample population with data gathered over the previous 2 decades, I can verify that this line will have absolutely no effect what-so-ever in any Long Island bagel shop.
I usually just grab a knife and scrap off the excess (roughly the same amount as in a regular-size Philadephia Cream Cheese pack).

You’re supposed to ask for a schmear.

Further evidence that non-bagel-shop bagels are heretical is that when i ordered a “bagel with a schmear” at a local fast-food, they didn’t know what a schmear was.

Further evidence I should cut the comedy and just go to St-Viateur at all times.

You could also ask for “cream cheese on the side” and regulate the chessiness yourself.

At least those chream cheese people are listening to you. I always ask for extra ice with my yummy vanilla Cokes from Sonic. It is my one vice. What do I get? Hardly any ice! Don’t they realize they are making money off me because they use less product? Of course, I could ask for a cup of ice “on the side”, but then they look at me funny.

Don’t be hating.

<singing>
Cream cheese, with my baaagel, makes me happy
Bagel, with my cream cheese, ma-hakes meee cryyyy…

Congratulations: you have discovered the sentence-fragment. Next: discover the sentence. Soon.

You can have my extra cream cheese if you want it. I scraped it off on the underside of the table. It’s there with my old gum. Knock yourself out.

Which bagelry? I need to know matt. I NEED TO KNOW!

What I always wondered is, don’t they notice that their blocks of cream cheese last for two bagels? Cream cheese is not an entrée. It’s a condiment. Please treat it as such.

I just wanted to say that right now above this thread is one started by owlofcreamcheese.

Maybe he knows something about it.

I just wanted to say that I can see, fully formed and waving gently in the breeze, the anti-op with the OP ranting and raving how he just can’t get them to put enough cream cheese on his bagels. I agree with Mockingbird - lamest rant this week. Which, by the way, I thought was very funny - a very nice take-off of the “lamest fill-in-the-blank ever” cliché.

I’d always spelled is as shmeer yet the intention was the same.

The OP has my vote: less is more. :wink: