My friend and I were having a silly conversation the other day about what the consequences of certain actions should be, and we were coming up with appropriately amusing punishments for minor social infractions. For instance:
I think that anyone who takes up two parking spaces in a lot just so no one will scratch their car should be sentenced to two weeks of driving a rusted pea-green Volare whose radio is stuck on the weather/time announcement station.
I think people who hold up lines in convenience stores by writing a check for a ridiculously small amount should have to spend an entire Saturday cleaning spare change out of other people’s cars. And they have to put the change in those little paper rolls. And they can’t keep any.
People who are unnecessarily rude to store clerks should have to work that clerk’s job without pay for a week. And wear one of those embarassing paper hats.
People who let their kids run screaming around in public places should be sentenced to run a concession stand at an amusement park for a week, and they MUST be unfailingly polite to all the screaming, whining kids.
People who litter should have to make rounds with the local garbagemen for a week without pay. And they are not allowed to keep any cool stuff they find.
People who never scoop up after their dogs should have to spend a whole Saturday cleaning up at a local dog park armed with only a trash bag and a pair of chopsticks.
If someone uses a public bathroom and doesn’t flush, an alarm should sound when they leave and a voice should come over a loudspeaker reminding them to flush. Everyone may address them as “You Dirty, Inconsiderate Bastard” for the rest of the day.
People who insist on riding their bicycle in the middle of the footpath should have to give handle- or sissy bar rides to anyone who asks for the rest of the day.
People who wear shorts that are way too short for them should be spanked in public by a city official. This would be instructive, amusing, and possibly arousing for all parties.
These were for community violations. We made up some ‘house rules’, too:
Anyone who eats all of a certain item of food must immediately run to the local grocery store for the next person who wants that food as soon as they are asked.
Anyone who leaves hair all over the bathroom must clean the brushes, combs, and razors of everyone else in the house. They then must create an interesting and meaningful work of art with the hair they have collected.
Anyone who uses the last of the toilet paper and does not replace the roll should have to use newspapers for the rest of the day.
Can anyone think of anymore?