Plus, the flipside of that is if you don’t complain, then it may be perceived from his end as accepting his creepiness.
You can’t always plan for “the crazy”.
I say she should complain and make it clear that she was very uncomfortable with the whole exchange. It doesn’t matter if he intended to creep her out (although I think he knew exactly what he was doing) it only matters how she felt, and she felt uncomfortable in her own home.
That is not acceptable.
I posted in IMHO because I wasn’t pitting. The purpose of the post wasn’t a Pit, it was to get opinions on it. So, thanks you with the face.
I started reading The Gift of Fear last night, btw - really interesting read, and perfectly relevant to this thread! Thanks again for those of you who recommended it.
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I’m not trying to be argumentative with you. But if I were the OP, I’d be hella irritated if I came to get some opinions about a nusiance encounter and instead received a lecture (as well intentioned as it is) about how women are too nice and ineffective in handling the jerks that cross their path. Not everything needs to be deconstructed by gender, and most importantly, not everything needs to be looked at through the lense of how to get women act more like men.
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Nah, I’m not irritated. Different people handle things in different ways, so I expect some people would be comfortable running that guy out of their place. If I were effective and good at being assertive in that way, I might’ve told the guy to bugger off. But I think my “not wanting to offend” nature served me well in this case. If I’d attempted to be more assertive, I might’ve just inflamed the guy, and come off as rather feeble, despite trying to look tough. Some people can pull it off, and I don’t think I’m one of them - at least not in situations like this. Plus, the guy was upstairs at the time, and if he were to be sparked off, that would’ve been the worst place for it to happen, because I would’ve been trapped. Thinking back on it now, I probably shouldn’t have been there alone when he came by anyway. Ahh, hindsight.
Hey now. Actually Dave’s the one who encouraged me to make a big stink of it. I didn’t mention earlier because I didn’t think it relevant, but Dave actually asked his buddy to run by my place while the pest control guy was there. (He got there right as the bug guy was leaving though) The reason I was waiting til Dave got back was in case bug guy caught wind of it and felt retaliatory, then at least I wasn’t home alone (with buy guy knowing I was home alone).
You know, we used to have a creepy UPS guy at work. A couple of times I would “feel” the presence of someone in the doorway behind me, and I’d turn around and there’d be creepy UPS guy, with a totally blank stare on his face and package in hand, half-way holding out the signature pad. Weird that he would come in in complete silence and just stand there until we noticed him. :dubious:
Yes, I’d complain. If he was trying to scare you, he should be fired. If he wasn’t trying to scare you, he needs to learn what is and isn’t appropriate behavior. What he said was by no stretch appropriate.
Did you give him any plain and visible reason to believe that his behavior was inappropriate? Maybe I’m missing something, but there’s nothing in your OP or subsequent posts that say anything about dealing with this person on a basic human level. You could have told him right out, “Hey dude, I don’t appreciate your behavior. I feel like you’re violating my personal space a little.”
I think he went a little far by talking about what he had seen on the calendar, but I don’t think he was being intentionally creepy, or knowingly violating any social boundaries. He sounds oblivious. That’s something that he needs to work on, no doubt, but calling his supervisor to complain is a petty, vindictive, passive-aggressive way of dealing with it. If you had told him, like I said, that he was making you uncomfortable, and he had still persisted with his behavior, I’d say with zero reservations that you should report him. But you didn’t. As you said, you chuckled politely and averted your eyes, expecting him to read the subtleties of your body language. In the future, try being more forthright.
My bolding. From the OP -
I think saying “Kinda creepy huh. Did that just creep you out?” is the strongest possible indication that he was being creepy on purpose.
I was using this (the first) definition of creepy, when I said “I don’t think he’s being intentionally creepy.” He was using the second definition.
Well, if you use the Merriam Webster definitions, instead of urban dictionary, I think pest control guy intentionally met both definitions.
Does it matter that he wasn’t trying to be creepy in a pervy way? Being creepy is never a good thing…
That’s true. Nothing wrong with calling him out on being a creep, either.