Ok, Crunchy, I’ll get in on this. I have been lurking around here for a while, so I’m not that new a newbe, but what the heck…
I was wondering, have you thought of changing your member name to ‘Crunchy, Raw, Unboned Dead Real Frog’ ? You know, just to avoid any possible prosecution. Just a thought.
My stats: 39, Male, live in Ohio, used to be married (thank god thats over), and for a living I spend my day driving around, and every once in a while I’ll stop and solder something.
As for the handle, ‘Mojo Jojo’, it came to me one evening while my daughter was watching Cartoon Network. Go figure.
I was considering having it changed to ‘Spring Surprise’, we’ll see.
Oh, I was supposed to put something else? Here’s everything I know about me… I live somewhere in the US, I’m a cat lover, I love sex, I enjoy boxing, sleep, and sleep.
(I’m a pathological lier)
I’m 4 feet and 592 pounds. I have hazel eyes and no hair… did I mention I’m a woman? Oh, and I’m 22. Can’t forget that I wear dypers.
Okay that was a really lame, corny joke. I’m 5 feet and 115 pounds. I have blonde hair and hazel eyes!
NOW, do you have enough?
Mojo Jojo
Ohio, huh? Damn, there has to be something funny about Ohio . . . nope, nothing there. I guess there needs to be something interesting about a state to latch onto before you can make fun of anything.
And what’s this soldering stuff you’re talking about? Do you mean you actually solder for a living or is that Ohio-slang for something else? (know what I mean, he says with a sly smile, nudge nudge, wink wink)
And now I picture you sitting in a Laz-E-Boy, watching the Cartoon Network (with your daughter, yeah right - admit it, you like the 'toons too) and all of a sudden you hear angels singing, Mojo Jojo seems to enter your living room and hover with an eerie but beautiful glow all around him (nothing supernatural, that’s just the radiation from the TV) and you get this sudden feeling of understanding, like that monkey-man at the beginning of 2001 when he learns he can use bones as weapons. I know how you feel. Happens to me all the time.
Actually, evilbeth has been trying to dump the name “Chicken of Bristol” off on somebody. Now bite me, newbie.
Twist Grip
[mocking voice]
“oh I was supposed to put something else?”
[/mocking voice]
No, you didn’t need to put anything else down. I’ll just mentally reach out to wherever the hell you are in the US and divine all I need to know to welcome you here. Why will I do this just for you? Because obviously you’re special. And growing up whenever I saw “special” kids, my mom told me to be nice, and don’t point and laugh as they get on the short bus.
Oh, looky there, you love sex. Well, well, well.
Ok Dopers, we have someone who loves sex, just out of curiosity who hates sex?
[sounds of crickets chirping]
Just as I thought.
Look, email me with your address and I’ll get you a dictionary so you can spell check your words, m’kay? I’ll do it for you this time for free. “lier=liar” and unless “dypers” is some new kind of pants where you live, it’s spelled “diapers”
Yes, I have enough now to see you are a real big smart-ass. You remind me of me. I’m not sure if I like that or not yet. Welcome aboard and bite me.
Howdy, mister crunchy sir. I’m Andrew, the Great Philosopher. I like, uh, food. And sleep. Can you welcome me now?
Yeah, same with me. I’m like, TOO easy-going…people take stuff I say seriously, why I take EVERYTHING as a joke…
I’LL KILL YOU
Teah, sure, welcome. You like food and sleep. You wanna know what I like? Newbies who can follow simple freakin’ directions. Look I know when you smoke pot, you may think you’ve been sitting and thinking for a long time, but the truth is you not being philosophical - you’re STONED. You’re sitting and thinking for so long because you can’t do anything else. Besides, I know you think you’ve just sat there for like an hour thinking, but it’s really only been 2 minutes and I bet you can’t even remember what was just said 3 sentences ago.
Yeah, everything’s funny after smoking some good shit.
OK, and now the paranoia kicks in. Time for you to find some more mellow shit to smoke there pal. I’ll put you in touch with my guy.
that whole ‘I take everything as a joke…I’LL KILL YOU’ it was a joke, you foolish frog. I do not smoke weed.
Well, hopefully this won’t get lost among the posts.
I just started posting and I must say, nice place ya got here!
I’m almost 36, married, three wonderful children and a dog. currently I’m a domestic goddess, but I have a master’s in counseling.
I enjoy skiing, rollerblading, crochet, beadwork, reading and anime (Japanese animation).
Hi
I’m 33, live in Ohio, have been married for 8 years, no kids, like cats (deep breath), graduate student in planning and civil engineering 'cause my undergrad is in English and I couldn’t get a real job, own one small black cat, teach computer science to people who are scared of computers (another deep breath), female, recently started working out with weights, like to read (my username is from the Silmarillion, by Tolkien), run RPGs on Saturdays (a hobby), like to cook (another hobby)…
And I really really hate talking in public
Karen
I just want to introduce myself because it’s cold and I’m bored.
I just graduated college, but I’m avoiding looking for a job until my wife forces me to do so. (The whole “slacker without a shred of ambition” thing doesn’t go over well with her.) If anyone wants to give me a job, please, don’t tell her about it.
Oh yeah, and I guess that I’m not really a newbie, so much as I am a lurker. Or rather, I was a lurker. Whatever. Just love me.
Trip, don’t Fall
I forgot to mention that I am a really big Braves fan!
Rally Vincent bows before me:
Thanks, I did the decorations myself - except that Rush poster on the wall, that’s Coldfire’s. Like the funiture? You know that couch vibrates. And that hot tub over there is great, with all the bubbles flying around in there, no one can tell if you fart in the water or not.
And that master’s will come in handy as the kids get older huh? Tell me, as a counselor, do you spank your kids? Cuz when I lived with my ex and her son, I found I didn’t have to spank him. I found just waving the gun around pretty much did the trick. [sub]posted with a nod to Dennis Leary[/sub]
We have absolutely nothing in common. Except the reading thing. I like to read. Does Mad Magazine and Hustler count as reading?
Alatariel chimes in:
What’s with all the deep breaths? You know, if you need to take a hit off your inhaler, go ahead. No need to sound like an obscene phone call.
So you don’t have any kids like cats? I’ve never seen a kid like cat. There was one kid named Jason grew up down the street from me who acted rather elk-like, but never any feline children. Poor Jason. Killed in a hunting accident.
You like Tolkien, huh? I read the Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, but couldn’t really get into his style of writing. Chapter upon chapter of Frodo walking and walking and walking up the damn mountain. To me it was more dry than eating crackers and washing it down with a glass of sand.
Trip Fall - AHH! You scared me! Jeez, you been here the whole time? Don’t sneak up on someone like that!
Trip Fall, Mr. Fall, Trip, Tripster, Trippy-baby. Look here, we both know you are going to end up having to get a job, so I’d like to give you a word of advice before things go to far.
Do you like having sex with your wife? Cuz guess what’s gonna be gone if you don’t get a job? Remember, men don’t have sex; women have sex and men have to get it from them.
BTW, if anyone here wants to give ME a job, don’t tell the fiance (especially if the job description begins with ‘blow’ or ‘hand’)
Twist Grip claims:
Sticks and stones will break my bones, and the Cards will sweep 'em again next year.
I wanted to be the first newbie of the new year,did I do it?!
I am a 33 year old single female from Las Vegas.
I have never been a cocktail waitress or topless dancer.
I play guitar,and write music.
I have a cushy job that allows me to goof away my afternoons on the computer.
The year 2000 ended on an up note, I hope the trend continues.
~Spesh
I don’t know if you’re the first newbie of the new year, but you’re the first one to post to this thread this year.
But you don’t see anything morally wrong with that do you? I mean, you wouldn’t have a problem stripping down to nothing and dancing on a table in front of me, pressing your cleavage into my face. . .
::drool::
Sorry, sorry I’m ok now.
You play guitar? Did I mention I play drums? Not real drums, but I bang away at my mom’s pots with a wooden spoon. What kind of music do you write? It better not be that crap I hear Barney singing, or anything remotely related to anything I’ve heard from Yoko Ono.
As you can see from my many posts here, I also have a cushy job. It’s nice isn’t it?
Been lurking here a loooooong time, it’s time to jump in with both feet.
I’m 37, married almost 14 years, no kids (thank cod), and currently working as a receptionist. I call myself, alternately, an aging headbanger (Metallica Rules!), or a science fiction bookworm (Spider Robinson Rules!). Sorry, no nekkid photos, because (TMI warning) at 5’5", and 275 lbs. (and falling) I’d break the camera.
First of all, am I the only one a tad disturbed by the idea the attributes not aving any children to a fish (thank cod)? Cuz here’s how my twisted mind works: Cod is the reason she has no kids. In order to have kids, one usually engages in sex. Therefore, cod prevents her from having sex. Cod is a fish. Fish smell, well, fishy. I hope I don’t need to go any further with that line of thought.
And second of all: Metallica does not rule! I’ll have you know The Dave Matthews Band or Blink 182 could kick Metallica’s ass anyday! Ok, I can’t type that without giggling my ass off. DMB and B182 suck.
I won’t comment on Spider Robinson’s ruling capabilities as I have no idea who that is.
And I keep telling you people, I don’t make up the rules about the nekkid pix. You can say no to me all you want, but the rules is the rules is the rules and eventually I must see every last female poster nekkid.
And on a little side note, you know I’ve been telling that to newbies for months now, and only one person ever took me seriously? Wouldn’t you people like to know whose nekkid pic I have stored away? I’ve been sworn to secrecy though. And no, it is not Silly Rabbit in spite of my declaring her my new favorite newbie for no apparant reason. She did send me a pic, but it is the same pic of her that is on the People Pages.
Not a typo! I think the idea of a deity is a little fishy
I didn’t think it was a typo, but the fact that you attributed not having any kids to a fish just struck me as odd. Especially given the train of thought I outlined previously. You don’t really want me to tell you what the last stop of that train is, do you?
And no offense to you, BTW, that’s just the way my mind works. I’m sure you have extraordinary hygiene habits. 
CHOMP =)
welp, i’ve been lurking for over a year now, extremely sporadically posting for about 3 months now so i guess i can finally come out of the closet and accept my “newbie” status for the fate worse than death that it no doubt is.
So, now on to the good stuff…
Handle: wolf189 (long story, don’t ask…)
Alternate identities: Stiff n’ Bloody (from my days with the Madison Hash…), Nonny (bonus points to anyone who can correctly identify the origins of this handle…), and Bosco Hugo (who may still be wanted by the police for minor mischief in several states…)
Dimensions: 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th (with occasional forrays to the 763rd on slow days) also: 5’11" 130lbs (soaking wet, but please don’t soak me right now, it’s kinda cold outside…)
Age: 69.314159 zeeps (as counted on my own personal alendar otherwise, 30 yrs old as reckoned by those less enlightened souls still following the more traditional system)
Gender: male (allegedly)
Last Know Location: N 40 45.524 W 89 40.572 (elevation: 718 ft). Originally a resident of the Windy City, i escaped and spent several years hiding behind the Cheddar Curtain (in Madison, WI) but recently returned to the Land of Lincoln Logs and can occasionally be found at the location mentioned above (plus/minus 16 ft).
Notorious personal habits and other interesting tidbits: compulsive cat-petter, quotes Ambrose Bierce when drunk (but oddly enough, not when sober), throws things over the cube-farm walls @ co-workers (usually while sober), capable of losing any item within 2.6 seconds or less (“ummm… where’s my keyboard?”), capable of forgetting what was lost 3.7 seconds after beginning the search, has been know to impersonate a mainframe programmer on occasion.
Likes: cheese, riding bikes, fixing bikes, antagonizing co-workers, teasing cats, feeding trolls, quoting Bierce, typing up meaningless drivel online, etc…
more to come later, must go annoy the neighbors a bit for now.
wolf189 (to be continued…)
I love when they ramble incoherently! :rolleyes:
Why would I ask? I don’t give a shit. Call yourself squidphucker for all I care.
Ok, I just gave myself a headache trying to think why any of this has any relevance to anything whatsoever.
My brain hurts now.
Oh great googly moogly!
Apparently you do go insane after dropping acid too many times. Here I thought it was just a UL.
Tell us squidphucker (that’s my new nickname for you :D), what is an alendar? Anything like an abacus?
Well, even though I’m no doctor, I think I can help clear this up. Drop your pants. Now drop your underwear. Look between your legs. Do you have an innie or an outie? If you see an outie, you’re a male. If it’s an innie, you’re a female. If you’re still not sure, consult your local physician.
Thanks for the precise info. It makes programming the smart bombs that much easier.
Yes, please. Why should we have all the fun?
Err… hi. I’m something that AndYrAStar dragged in.
I’m not really sure why I’m here, but I do indeed appear to be here, so… oh well.
I live in Northern Virginia. I’m female. I’m a student. I waste most of my free time online. The rest of the details of my life are pretty boring, so I’ll just end this post here.